Did you hear about the hotshot nymphomaniac who got a job working for a sperm bank?
Her ego was writing checks her mouth couldn't cash.
Her ego was writing checks her mouth couldn't cash.
Bad Joke...
- Thread starter Gil T.Azell
- Start date
^Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read that...
Must be a very old joke though... based on the totally over-the-top reaction from the teacher (or maybe it's just a very old teacher?!)
Must be a very old joke though... based on the totally over-the-top reaction from the teacher (or maybe it's just a very old teacher?!)
So it's a busy night down at the surreal "street furniture bar".They're all there,the traffic light,the bus stop even the yield sign has shown up.
Suddenly the door flies open and a strip of red tarmac storms in ranting and knocking over tables."I'll kill you," he bellows"I'll kill you and you,I'll kill you all!.Then he goes out again and things settle down.
"what was all that?"asks the Stop sign,a newcomer.
"Ah don't mind him," says the park bench,"He's just a bit of a cycle path."
Suddenly the door flies open and a strip of red tarmac storms in ranting and knocking over tables."I'll kill you," he bellows"I'll kill you and you,I'll kill you all!.Then he goes out again and things settle down.
"what was all that?"asks the Stop sign,a newcomer.
"Ah don't mind him," says the park bench,"He's just a bit of a cycle path."
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies.
"Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’."
"No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience.
"No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you."
He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, tells him to get the hell out of his office..
And the dog turns to the guy and says "Should I have said DiMaggio?"
"Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’."
"No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience.
"No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you."
He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, tells him to get the hell out of his office..
And the dog turns to the guy and says "Should I have said DiMaggio?"
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who also just happened to be a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She rummaged through her bag and was getting more and more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She rummaged through her bag and was getting more and more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
"When I worked behind the bar last night, I had to throw out this actor who started making trouble. Turns out he said he was playing the new James Bond villain."
"Javier Bardem?"
"Not really, he can come back tonight if he behaves himself."
"Javier Bardem?"
"Not really, he can come back tonight if he behaves himself."
Spoilsport.
A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"
She said, "I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"
She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one..."
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"
She said, "I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"
She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one..."
A couple of American college kids went on a trip to France and rented a car. On the highway they did the math wrong converting kilometers to miles and were seriously speeding. A French police car blasted its sirens and went after them. The kids immediately pulled over. The French cop got out of his car and pulled out his gun. The kids panicked and drove away.
By the time they ran out of gas and sputtered to a stop, a dozen French police cruisers were after them. Cops got out of every one and they all pulled out their guns.The first cop lead the charge and ran up to the kids' car.
"We Surrender!" he said as he handed them his gun, "I tried to surrender a few hours ago but you just drove away"
By the time they ran out of gas and sputtered to a stop, a dozen French police cruisers were after them. Cops got out of every one and they all pulled out their guns.The first cop lead the charge and ran up to the kids' car.
"We Surrender!" he said as he handed them his gun, "I tried to surrender a few hours ago but you just drove away"
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