Bad Joke...
- Thread starter Gil T.Azell
- Start date
A proud pair of parents are watching their daugher Suzy saying here prayers one night.
"God bless Mommy, god bless Daddy, and good-bye Aunt Jane," prays Suzy. The parent think nothing of this odd prayer. Kids say some odd things. They tuck Suzy in fo rthe night and all go to bed.
Next day, phone call comes wiith the news that Aunt Jane has died suddenly. The parents chalk this up to a weird coincidence and think nothing more of it.
That night: "God bless Mommy, god bless Daddy, good-bye Grampa John." Parents are a bit concerned now.
Sure enough, the next day comes the news that Grampa John has indeed passed on.
That night, the parents are quite anxious. they put suzy to bed a bit earlier so they can find out who will be next, and perhaps warn them in time.
"God bless Mommy, and good-bye Daddy," comes the prayer.
Father goes into an absolute panic. they next day he skips shaving so he won't accidentally slit his own throat, walks to work to avoid a car accident, takes the stairs to the office to avoid falling down an elevator shaft, etc.
By the time he reaches home at thend of the day, he is a nervous wreck.
His wife is waiting at the front door for him: "Oh, Honey! Thanks god you're all right! Strangest thing happened today, though - the mail man dropped dead."
"God bless Mommy, god bless Daddy, and good-bye Aunt Jane," prays Suzy. The parent think nothing of this odd prayer. Kids say some odd things. They tuck Suzy in fo rthe night and all go to bed.
Next day, phone call comes wiith the news that Aunt Jane has died suddenly. The parents chalk this up to a weird coincidence and think nothing more of it.
That night: "God bless Mommy, god bless Daddy, good-bye Grampa John." Parents are a bit concerned now.
Sure enough, the next day comes the news that Grampa John has indeed passed on.
That night, the parents are quite anxious. they put suzy to bed a bit earlier so they can find out who will be next, and perhaps warn them in time.
"God bless Mommy, and good-bye Daddy," comes the prayer.
Father goes into an absolute panic. they next day he skips shaving so he won't accidentally slit his own throat, walks to work to avoid a car accident, takes the stairs to the office to avoid falling down an elevator shaft, etc.
By the time he reaches home at thend of the day, he is a nervous wreck.
His wife is waiting at the front door for him: "Oh, Honey! Thanks god you're all right! Strangest thing happened today, though - the mail man dropped dead."
Two hunters are out hunting one day. One of them is looking through his binoculars. "Hey!" he says to his buddy. "I can see your house from here - your wife is cheating on you!"
"Dammit, I've had enough of her." the other guy says. "Shoot her in the head and shoot him in the privates."
"I can get that in one shot!" the first hunter replies.
"Dammit, I've had enough of her." the other guy says. "Shoot her in the head and shoot him in the privates."
"I can get that in one shot!" the first hunter replies.
Here's an ancient one, but it never fails to make me smile:
What has four eyes but is incapable of seeing?
Mississippi.
What has four eyes but is incapable of seeing?
Mississippi.
^ It's on these early "Laughing Hyena" albums that Jeff did (before the You Might Be A Redneck album) which are now almost impossible to find because they're out of print and I didn't hold onto my copies.
I think I still have one of those tapes. It was in my car non-stop for several years.
A guy and girl are making passionate love and the man is close to climax. Suddenly there's a knock at the front door. The girl tells him to hold his orgasm long enough for her to answer the door, see who it is, take a message and come back. He agrees.
She puts on a bathrobe and answers the door. It's a guy delivering a package. She thanks him, takes the package and closes the door. A minute or two later she goes back into the bedroom to resume the sex.
As she reenters the room, she notices cum ALL over the wall. It's dripping and running down onto the floor. She gets mad and scolds him for having his orgasm without her. He says: "Sorry, baby...but I didn't come. I farted."
She puts on a bathrobe and answers the door. It's a guy delivering a package. She thanks him, takes the package and closes the door. A minute or two later she goes back into the bedroom to resume the sex.
As she reenters the room, she notices cum ALL over the wall. It's dripping and running down onto the floor. She gets mad and scolds him for having his orgasm without her. He says: "Sorry, baby...but I didn't come. I farted."
Here's one I heard from my favorite Mythbuster.
What's red and tastes like blue paint?
-Alan Moore, The Killing Joke
What's red and tastes like blue paint?
-Alan Moore, The Killing Joke
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"
He says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"
He says, "A little bit smaller."
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it!"
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Yep. Medium."
________________________________
What do a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
What's white, smells and can be found inside a pair of panties?
Clitty litter.
He says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"
He says, "A little bit smaller."
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it!"
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Yep. Medium."
________________________________
What do a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
What's white, smells and can be found inside a pair of panties?
Clitty litter.
Red paint.
^Exactly!
'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No, because she is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asked the child.
'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage..'
The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'
Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'
(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! ! )
The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
If you ain't laffin'...
You ain't livin'
'What's that mean?' asked the child.
'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage..'
The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'
Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'
(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!! ! )
The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
If you ain't laffin'...
You ain't livin'
What’s the only thing meaner than a pitbull with AIDS?
The guy who gave it to him.
What do you call a terminally sick man in a wheelchair?
Roll AIDS.
What did President Reagan send to Rock Hudson's funeral?
His AIDS.
What's grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the mouth and one has a stomach virus.
Roll AIDS.
What did President Reagan send to Rock Hudson's funeral?
His AIDS.
What's grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the mouth and one has a stomach virus.
What's grosser than gross?
The Human Centipede films.
The Human Centipede films.
I swerved off the road and hit a Westboro Baptist protestor.
It took me three fields, a high school parking lot and a golf course...but I eventually got the asshole.
_____________________________________________________
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says, "Mommy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm...they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the mother asks, "Yes...but how do you know?!?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
It took me three fields, a high school parking lot and a golf course...but I eventually got the asshole.
_____________________________________________________
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says, "Mommy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm...they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the mother asks, "Yes...but how do you know?!?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
I'm well aware of that. 
I don't think he cares, 'cause most of us here on TBBS are going to join him.
Heck, some of you are gonna be holding the door open for the rest of us.
Similar threads
