Bad Joke...

[cooleddie74]

Two guys are walking on a sidewalk when they run into a dog licking its balls.

The first guy says: "Man, I wish I could do that!"

The second goes: "Don't you think you should ask the dog first?"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Two guys are walking on a sidewalk when they run into a dog licking its balls.

The first guy says: "Man, I wish I could do that!"

The second goes: "Don't you think you should ask the dog first?"

Alt reply
The second goes: "You can make a fist"


A drunk from Crinkle Cove, Newfoundland walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling

Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the Newfie replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the Newfie replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's willy hanging
Out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk Newfie looks down at his crotch and without
Missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy shit! Me girlfriend's gone, too!!

 

[cooleddie74]

Why doesn't India celebrate Halloween?

There's no more Gandhi.



How do you get a hillbilly girl pregnant?

Come in her shoe and let the flies do the rest.

 

[sojourner]

Two guys are walking on a sidewalk when they run into a dog licking its balls.

The first guy says: "Man, I wish I could do that!"

The second goes: "Don't you think you should ask the dog first?"

Alt reply
The second goes: "You can make a fist"

I don't get it.

 

[cooleddie74]

Two old men in a retirement home are comparing their bathroom habits. The first says: "I've got it bad. Every morning at 8:00 I piss like a racehorse, take a gigantic and painful dump and then can't get off the toilet because my lower back locks up on me. A nurse has to come get me off the commode. It's embarrassing!"

The second man says: "Well, every morning at 5:00 I have an attack of diarrhea and my bladder empties with little or no warning. It's a horrible mess."

The first goes: "Well...I'll admit that's kind of bad...but how is it worse than what happens to me??"

The second goes: "I don't even wake up until seven!"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Two guys are walking on a sidewalk when they run into a dog licking its balls.

The first guy says: "Man, I wish I could do that!"

The second goes: "Don't you think you should ask the dog first?"

Alt reply
The second goes: "You can make a fist"

I don't get it.

sorry I was dead tired when I posted that it's a play on a version of the why does a dog lick his balls joke.

Spoiler: why does a dog lick his balls?

Because he can't make a fist

sorry for the confusion.
have a nice day.

 

[cooleddie74]

What do you call a guy who's been dead for months and buried underneath a pile of leaves?

Russell.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Re: Bad Joke..."Sincerely"

"Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic ."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus.
Justin Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,
Canada
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,
Unicorns
-------------------------------------------------


Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely,
The Titanic


----------------------------------------------

Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying...

Sincerely,
Google
-------------------------------------------------

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely,
BP
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin
-------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,
Alcohol
--------------------------------------------------

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012.
Our calendars ended there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely,
The Mayans
------------------------------------------------------
Dear iPhone,

Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
-------------------------------------------------------

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up....

Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore
---------------------------------------------

Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,
Elephant

 

[cooleddie74]

What did the West Virginian do when he discovered he had diabetes?

He pissed on his bowl of Corn Flakes.


What do you call ten politicians going over a cliff in a flaming car?

A good start.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious.
On the opposite
side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious
state.
The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to
both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.

We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dressed and acted like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!.

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a
truck hit us

 

[cooleddie74]

How does a West Virginian take a shower?

He pisses into a fan.



What does a blonde do every morning at 8:00 sharp?

Opens up the passenger-side car door and goes home.

 

[Balrog]

A bad joke. Funnier when alcohol is involved though:

"Knock, knock"

"Who's there?"

"You Suck."

 

[cooleddie74]

What does Richard Simmons call a used condom?

Seal-A-Meal.

 

[Balrog]

When do you know you have bad acne?

When you wake up on a park bench next to a blind man trying to read your face.

 

[cooleddie74]

Why did the Trojan fly across the room?

It got pissed off.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does"

 

[Haggis and tatties]

What's black, white and brown and goes up and down.

A penguin in a lift with a plate of cooked mince on it head.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

A bad joke. Funnier when alcohol is involved though:

"Knock, knock"

"Who's there?"

"You Suck."

I like the Tom Hanks version.

 

[Schistocerca]

A female body builder runs into her doctor's office crying, "Doc you have got to help me. I have started to grow a penis because of all the steroids I have taken". The doctor replies, "Anabolic"? "No" replies the woman, "just a penis"!

 

[ares93]

A woman walks up to the counter in the pharmacy and says, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."
"Who are you intending to kill, madam?" the pharmacist asks.
"My husband."
"And why do you want to kill your husband?" he asks.
The woman reaches into her purse and takes out a photo that shows her husband having sex with the pharmacists wife.
The pharmacist looks at the picture, then back at the woman. Finally he sighs and says, "Why didn't you say you had a prescription?"