Asexuality

[Gryffindorian]

I was reading a recent issue of WIRED magazine and came across this topic. I studied human sexuality in school a long time ago and thought I understood the different gender identities and sexual orientations, at least the basic ones.

According to Wikipedia, asexuality is defined as the lack of sexual interest or sexual attraction. Some experts even go so far as to say it's the lack of a sexual orientation.

If asexuals aren't interested in sex or physically attracted to others, then one could argue that most people could be labeled as asexual--nuns, monks, priests, elderly folks who aren't sexually active, etc.--but that's not the case, since voluntary abstinence or celibacy does not signify an asexual orientation. Furthermore, people with certain psychological or hormonal conditions (an emotional trauma, anxiety, depression chemical imbalance) may lack the libido, but that's mostly a matter of physiology.

To add more complexity to this sexual dynamic, there are even subcategories or subtypes, like demisexuals, aromantic, heteroromantic, homoromantic, gray panromantic, and biromantic, depending on one's type of romantic or emotional attraction to others. This whole concept sounds to me like an oxymoron because, aren't asexuals supposed to be not attracted to either sex?!? But wait! It is said that asexuals do feel an emotional attraction to others, although sexual attraction or interest may not be present. Having said that, I think many people would fall under that definition: anyone who has ever had a crush on someone (but not in a sexual way), people who can't or don't get laid in general (namely yours truly), or couples who are no longer physically intimate but still very much in love.

The more I try to understand asexuality, the more befuddled I get. Given those definitions, does this mean I'm asexual? What say you?

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

What say YOU?

You are the only one who can define yourself.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I think that you can keep subdividing categories until you come to the conclusion that everybody is an individual.

As far as asexuality goes, it's something that's getting a lot of buzz lately for some reason. It doesn't really matter, as long as the person is happy. Personally, I'd think it would be a good idea to rule out a medical condition or emotional problem; people do vary in their appetites, but a complete lack of appetite is seldom a good sign, and sexuality is a very fundamental motivator in all living things.

 

[Pingfah]

This isn't anywhere near as complicated as the OP seems to think it is. All that is required is to understand the difference between sexual attraction and emotional connection.

And no, not being able to get laid is not the same thing.

 

[Kemaiku]

Asexuality is the lack of sexual desire, non-voluntary, but still allows the person to finds others attractive or pleasant company in emotionally fulfilling ways.

 

[hux]

I wouldn't describe nuns or priests as asexual. Part of the spiritual commitment and sacrifice for those people is to specifically live without having their sexual needs met (in a bizarre display of commitment to God) but they very often fail leading to a disturbing (and often child unfriendly) warped sexuality

It may be "annoying" to be an asexual in a world where everything is overtly sexualised but I don't think asexuals have a history of being attacked in the street for their sexuality so it isn't quite the same levels of discrimination

Asexuality is the lack of sexual desire, non-voluntary, but still allows the person to finds others attractive or pleasant company in emotionally fulfilling ways.

I saw a programme about a guy who masturbated furiously but had no sexual attraction for either men or women and he was described as asexual so I think it covers more than just lack of libido

 

[Kemaiku]

Hmm, I'm not sure how far it goes with self arousal or reaching that, but the term largely refers to how they react to others, as most of them do.

 

[HIjol]

Below is a "checklist" of sorts, compiled by Julia Sondra Decker, who wrote a book called The Invisible Orientation; An Introduction to Asexuality.
She describes herself as an Asexual.

*Do you find other people sexy—in a way that makes you feel sexual desire or arousal, or a way that makes you think sex or sexual touching with that person would be satisfying (regardless of whether you’d actually do it)? If you don’t feel this with anyone, you may be asexual.
*Do you develop sexual attraction every once in a while, but don’t find its pursuit or satisfaction intrinsically rewarding? Some people would call that asexual.
*Do you think having sex (or the idea of having sex) is okay, but not very interesting or important? Could you take it or leave it, and find leaving it more convenient or preferable? Some people would call that asexual.
*Do you feel sexual attraction sometimes, but only rarely? You may be graysexual,* and you’ll have a lot in common with asexual people if you are.
*Do you sometimes develop sexual attraction when you’ve already developed other important connections with someone, but never feel sexually attracted to strangers, celebrities, or mere acquaintances? You may be demisexual,* and you’ll also have a lot in common with asexual people if you are.

But, remember, the Brain is our biggest sex organ. SO much is going on in all of our lives, that the instinct to turn inwards and "be our own partner" (no, not that way!) when it comes down to deep, true intimacy. I may not be saying it correctly, but I know some of you get what I mean. RJDiogenes is correct, first thing is to rule out a medical condition (hormone/ chemical I imbalance, low level of Metachlorians, things of this nature)

"The hardest thing in the Universe is to be a Human Being"

HIjol, "Pearls From the Shell", 2009

Bonus for those that do not have me on "Ignore": my favorite joke in 4th Grade!

"How do you make a Hormone."
"Don't pay her"

 

[Taylirious]

I am attracted to women emotionally & sexually but none have been attracted to me so I gave up.

 

[HIjol]

I am attracted to women emotionally & sexually but none have been attracted to me so I gave up.

Maybe, if it has been awhile since you gave up, it would be good to try again. Start slow and build and layer, be patient, and see how things go. The worst that can happen is that you will be back to where you are now, and maybe that is not such a good place, Tay. Why not give it a try?

 

[Taylirious]

I am a hideous freak and life would be easier if I didn't have attraction sexually or emotionally to anyone.

 

[HIjol]

I am a hideous freak and life would be easier if I didn't have attraction sexually or emotionally to anyone.

really.

I will bet 50 bars of Gold-Pressed Latinum that you are, in fact, a sensitive, intelligent, curious, giving person that is just as flawed as all the rest of us, no more, no less!~

 

[Guy Gardener]

I am a hideous freak and life would be easier if I didn't have attraction sexually or emotionally to anyone.

People who are not attracted you deserve the punishment of having sex with you.

I figured this out while swimming in a public area some years back when some "girls" (they were young) were laughing, cringing, and pointing at me. The worst damage I could inflict upon these children (if there were not stern legal consequences.) would have been to completely disrobe and wait for them to vomit uncontrollably all over themselves.

To clarify, this happened nearly 20 years ago when I was young, thin and pretty.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Below is a "checklist" of sorts, compiled by Julia Sondra Decker, who wrote a book called The Invisible Orientation; An Introduction to Asexuality.
She describes herself as an Asexual.

*Do you find other people sexy—in a way that makes you feel sexual desire or arousal, or a way that makes you think sex or sexual touching with that person would be satisfying (regardless of whether you’d actually do it)? If you don’t feel this with anyone, you may be asexual.
*Do you develop sexual attraction every once in a while, but don’t find its pursuit or satisfaction intrinsically rewarding? Some people would call that asexual.
*Do you think having sex (or the idea of having sex) is okay, but not very interesting or important? Could you take it or leave it, and find leaving it more convenient or preferable? Some people would call that asexual.
*Do you feel sexual attraction sometimes, but only rarely? You may be graysexual,* and you’ll have a lot in common with asexual people if you are.
*Do you sometimes develop sexual attraction when you’ve already developed other important connections with someone, but never feel sexually attracted to strangers, celebrities, or mere acquaintances? You may be demisexual,* and you’ll also have a lot in common with asexual people if you are.

But, remember, the Brain is our biggest sex organ. SO much is going on in all of our lives, that the instinct to turn inwards and "be our own partner" (no, not that way!) when it comes down to deep, true intimacy. I may not be saying it correctly, but I know some of you get what I mean. RJDiogenes is correct, first thing is to rule out a medical condition (hormone/ chemical I imbalance, low level of Metachlorians, things of this nature)
:

I identify as bisexual, but I could easily answer yes to any of those questions to a certain degree. I've already outlined what asexuality isn't, but it's more baffling for me to grasp what it is. It seems to have contradicting and all-encompassing definitions.

ETA:

Some asexuals do masturbate. It's a form of release, but it's not something they associate with in a sexual way.

 

[HIjol]

I am a hideous freak and life would be easier if I didn't have attraction sexually or emotionally to anyone.

People who are not attracted you deserve the punishment of having sex with you.

I figured this out while swimming in a public area some years back when some "girls" (they were young) were laughing, cringing, and pointing at me. The worst damage I could inflict upon these children (if there were not stern legal consequences.) would have been to completely disrobe and wait for them to vomit uncontrollably all over themselves.

To clarify, this happened nearly 20 years ago when I was young, thin and pretty.

...wow...um, yeah, wow!

 

[Guy Gardener]

This is why we should tip our prostitutes at least 30 percent.

They hate us, they're disgusted by how pathetic, needy, ugly and sexually fumbly we are, but we'd never know it from how they pretend that they are enjoying themselves because as far as we can tell, they think that we're just like Gary Cooper.

It's called acting!

%40, really. They deserve it.

 

[Taylirious]

I am too poor to pay for it.

 

[HIjol]

I am too poor to pay for it.

Than you are the richer for it!

 

[hux]

But, remember, the Brain is our biggest sex organ

Then how come my penis always defeats my brain whenever they engage in a battle of wits (for the right to make my decisions for me)

I am too poor to pay for it.

Have you tried booze and stupidity. They continue to be very popular techniques round our way

 

[Guy Gardener]

Once you give up on sex, and talk to women like they're men, they don't like it.

They reeeally don't like it.

So eventually you conclude that you still have to be nicer to women than you are to men, just so they don't slink away at speed because they have never been treated so poorly in their lives! ...So you might as well be trying the absolute minimum to sleep with them anyway just so they're not offended and become dramatic.

The absolute minimum is reserved for women who don't even pretend they like you as a human being, which is kinda hot. Even if they are actively offensive to you, they're still "not men" which is a third of a point better than a wealthy bloke who will pay your cable bill with the full sports package in exchange for some minor nude considerations.