Anyone here attempted suicide?

[Kail]

About 20 years ago I was very depressed. Dead end job, living in a friends closet, girl friend cheating on me.. yada yada yada. Life sucked and I saw no reason to continue, no light at the end of the tunnel. If this is what life is going to be, I want out. Get the picture?

I put my car in a garage, ran a hose from the exhaust into the car and started 'er up. I had written an apology to my family and friends, and clutched my dearest photos as I waited for peace.

Next thing I know I'm in the hospital, and pissed off. I spend a few weeks in the nut house, finding out how fortunet I really am compared to my new "friends". My minister visted often (ironicly he commited suicide himself a few years later, but that's another story).

So for the next few years I just went through the motions, and slowly things got better. Then I met my wife, moved to Ga. got a great job, had a wonderful son, found an even better job, bought a house and have a WONDERFUL life.

The moral? Things CAN change. This is the BEST part of my life, and I would have missed it.

What about you?

PS- That felt good. I NEVER talk about this part of my life.

 

[Lookingglassman]

Dude! I'm glad you weren't sucessful. This is a wonderful story.

 

[trekkerguy]

Dude! I'm glad you weren't sucessful. This is a wonderful story.

Very much agreed.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Depression hurts, but there's always help.

 

[AstroSmurf]

I never talk about that part of my life either but think gay teenager with a Southern Baptist preacher for a father... you should be able to figure things out. I know I finally did at seventeen but not before I left two sets of scars on my arms. But thankfully I got my shit together and ended up getting pissed off and fighting back. I haven't stopped since. It made me so much stronger than I could have possibly imagined.

But a year later a close friend of mine ended up killing himself for basically the same reasons. I almost lost my mind after that one. I managed to survive it but he didn't. I fought back and he surrendered. I have wondered for years if I could have done more to help him.

But again I don't visit that part of my brain if I can help it. I am not the same person I was fifteen years ago and I would like to keep it that way.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ You are not to blame for what happened to your friend.

While it grieves me deeply that there are people in so much pain that they want to end their own lives, these are great stories because somebody may be reading this who is thinking those same thoughts and now they know that, if they persevere, their lives can improve and they can be happy.

 

[Kail]

Dude, I'm glad you got things together. Best of luck to you. You know, since those days I've realized how tough suicide is on the surviors. The guilt that you subject your loved ones to after you selfishly end your life is tremendous. I had never even thought of that at the time.

^^ You are not to blame for what happened to your friend.

While it grieves me deeply that there are people in so much pain that they want to end their own lives, these are great stories because somebody may be reading this who is thinking those same thoughts and now they know that, if they persevere, their lives can improve and they can be happy.

That was the whole point of starting this thread. I wanted people to know that no matter how hopeless things seem, change for the better CAN happen. You've got to hang in there, there IS hope.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Whenever we fall, we must realize that we have to pick ourselves up again, and sometimes it takes the help of friends, family and other people who care; they're the ones who give us strength or find that inner strength within us.

I believe in the saying that adversity makes one stronger. In our lives, we often have to travel through hell to get to paradise, fall several times before you learn to fly. Nobody every said life was an easy journey; even if it were, we wouldn't gain much from it.

 

[JuanBolio]

Isn't failing at committing suicide a bit like failing at failing?

 

[TheBrew]

I've never tried, but I've come close. Then I realized that the only way my life could be positive is if I wanted it to be. I still have bouts of depression, but I manage to hold them off. They mostly result in me having an off day.

 

[Gryffindorian]

There's nothing about "failing" when one fails to take his/her own life. One should consider it luck to have been given a second chance.

 

[Guartho]

I never tried it, but I wrote an apology note to a girl I'd hurt by way of preparing. She asked me to homecoming and we dated for 3 years. Around the 2 year mark I told her the truth and she told me she'd been planning to kill herself too before getting my note.

We had an ugly break-up, but we didn't belong together and it was really only ugly because it was freshman year in college and you still have stupid high-school attitudes then.

Now I'm very happily married with the most amazing two-year-old daughter. The high school girlfriend got married a year and a half ago (I actually did her wedding video). They're not as happily married, but they're still adjusting to married life and she's way too confident and feisty to go offing herself now.

I just got one hell of a nasty surprise at my tax preparer's office, but other than that my life is fan-freaking-tastic right now and I literally shudder to think I almost threw it all away. I don't even remember now why I hated living so much then.

 

[Kail]

Isn't failing at committing suicide a bit like failing at failing?

This is just the sort of comment I would expect from you. Thanks for not disappointing me.

 

[AstroSmurf]

While it grieves me deeply that there are people in so much pain that they want to end their own lives, these are great stories because somebody may be reading this who is thinking those same thoughts and now they know that, if they persevere, their lives can improve and they can be happy.

That was the whole point of starting this thread. I wanted people to know that no matter how hopeless things seem, change for the better CAN happen. You've got to hang in there, there IS hope.

That is the only reason why I posted what I did. Folks should know they are not alone despite my own discomfort discussing it.

 

[Trekker4747]

Inspiring story -in a sense- Kail. Great to hear you turned your life around.

Suicide for me in my worst moments has never been anything more than a passing thought. I, personally, couldn't do that to my friends and family.

 

[Kail]

Inspiring story -in a sense- Kail. Great to hear you turned your life around.

Suicide for me in my worst moments has never been anything more than a passing thought. I, personally, couldn't do that to my friends and family.

I know that NOW. I was not rational at the time.

 

[DBR]

Two people very close to me have killed themselves at different points, and both times it was utterly devastating. Created giant scars on my soul. No I haven't tried, but I've had to wade through some pretty depressing times in my past.

The lack of talking about suicide is something I've observed. I never talk about it either. Ever. Nor does anyone else I know who has been effected by it in one way or another. It is like the ultimate uncomfortable, taboo subject.

 

[pookha]

Isn't failing at committing suicide a bit like failing at failing?

best kind of fail.

 

[Venardhi]

It has occurred to me on numberous occasions. More as a strange draw towards something I know would be deadly than an actual desire to die. My desire to live forever is a bit too strong to ever seriously contemplate it.

 

[Gryffindorian]

As for me, I've never even contemplated it. I think I'm too much of a coward to do myself harm. Then again, that's probably not a bad thing.