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Anyone here attempted suicide?

Kail said:
JuanBolio said:
Isn't failing at committing suicide a bit like failing at failing?
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This is just the sort of comment I would expect from you. Thanks for not disappointing me.
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No need to be rude. I'm sorry your life was so shitty you felt the need to try to kill yourself. I just think that people who are really serious about it tend to pick methods that have little or no chance of failing; Like putting the business end of a shotgun in their mouth.
 
I have, not very many times, still have a few marks but luckily have not attempted anything in years now.
 
DBR said:
Two people very close to me have killed themselves at different points, and both times it was utterly devastating. Created giant scars on my soul. No I haven't tried, but I've had to wade through some pretty depressing times in my past.

The lack of talking about suicide is something I've observed. I never talk about it either. Ever. Nor does anyone else I know who has been effected by it in one way or another. It is like the ultimate uncomfortable, taboo subject.
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Shit, in my experience they don't even talk about the person who did it. It's like they never existed. It's like some aboriginal "we can never speak their name again" sort of thing.

Not sure there's any reason to. Nothing makes the world right after that. Not words. Not the passage of time. Nothing.


JuanBolio said:
I just think that people who are really serious about it tend to pick methods that have little or no chance of failing; Like putting the business end of a shotgun in their mouth.
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Yeah, that's the person I knew did...well, not a shotgun...but they did it "intral-oral gunshot". No side shot to the skull and vegetitative state.
 
When I was a teenager and things were at the lowest ebb I can think of in my life, I was on my own doing the dishes and I had to wash a carving knife. There was a very long half hour where it was pressed into my skin. Pressed in far enough that I had a faint scar for a few years after that because I had beads of blood along the length of my forearm from my wrist for the length of the knife. I was there, up to my forearms in warm water and one good swipe....

I can honestly say I have never been as dark as that moment again. I'd like to be able to say that something else saved me that night. Whether it was love of family, something about one of my few friends at that time, or even religion. Basically in the end I decided against it to spite everyone as silly as that sounds as a reason.

My uncle (who was only 12 years older than me) actually did commit suicide on his 30th birthday. He took a massive dose of drugs and booze, drove out into the middle of a farmer's field and was high to the moment he froze to death.
 
I made my good-bye letters, made a list of about 15 different ways to off myself (putting extra points on quicker and less painful ways or ways I don't get caught and find myself still alive later).

It was a very dark and recent period and was actually the second time in my life I had considered it thought not as seriously the first time). From the frist time to now it has been 10+ years, and nothing has gotten better of changed, in fact things got worse. Moral of the story: life doesn't improve for everybody.
 
Next month it will be 9 years since my brother killed himself. In real life I rarely go into details about how/why he died, I just say "unfortunatly he passed away" or "who isnt with us anymore". But on direct question I will tell people.
I no longer lose my breath from grief when I think about him, and some of my anger towards him has dulled. It took a few years though. I still wish I had known him better, so I might have made a difference somehow. His suffering ended, but the family he left behind have to keep going. It is wierd I guess. I think we all function way better than expected considering we all are completely fucked up inside due to it in one way or the other.
I move from being next to indifferent, to crying, to being angry and then back to being indifferent again. Mainly because if I stay crying or angry all the time I just could not function. And I have a life to get through, and people who need me.

Anyways, back on topic. TS...Glad you pulled through. :)
 
Really sorry about your loss, Aurian. Suicide makes no sense. I was going to post a rather tasteless picture, but now I don't feel like it.

That's a first.
 
I have an uncle who died before I was born. Nobody ever talked about him much, so I never thought about him much. All I knew was that he was in the Navy, so I assumed he died somehow in that capacity. I was in my 30s before my mother admitted that he committed suicide. It was more than ten years after that before I got any real details of what happened, and now I believe that he didn't kill himself at all. But, after fifty years, I don't know what can be done about it....
 
RJDiogenes said:
I have an uncle who died before I was born. Nobody ever talked about him much, so I never thought about him much. All I knew was that he was in the Navy, so I assumed he died somehow in that capacity. I was in my 30s before my mother admitted that he committed suicide. It was more than ten years after that before I got any real details of what happened, and now I believe that he didn't kill himself at all. But, after fifty years, I don't know what can be done about it....
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What do you think happened?
 
I contemplated suicide for quite a while in my early teens when I was at a very dark place due to bullying on school. But I decided not to give the bastards the pleasure. My only revenge I could manage at that time was to surivive. Nowadays the simple fact that I have a lean criminal record and something that's becoming an actual future puts me leaps and bounds over most of the riffraff that troubled me.


What was worse though was when i contimplated it for some length about a year ago. I was at a very dark place, going from temporary shit jobs to temporary shit job, nothing in my fufutre, tired with being a burden to my family and figured that it would probably be easier for them if I wasn't around, at least economically.

The turning point came when I realised that I actually had decided to kill myself, and what that meant. I've never been so scared in my life. I told my parents about how I was feeling and they stepped right up and helped me out. Why I ever doubted that they would I have no idea, it's become clear to me lately that I have fantastic parents. In my family we don't have lots of money, we don't go nice places often, we haven't been able to put away in money in a few years...but we have love and support. And that's enough until I can start making good for myself. Which hopefully isn't that far away.
 
First let me say I'm glad everyone is around to discuss this.


Tharpdevenport said:
I made my good-bye letters, made a list of about 15 different ways to off myself (putting extra points on quicker and less painful ways or ways I don't get caught and find myself still alive later).

It was a very dark and recent period and was actually the second time in my life I had considered it thought not as seriously the first time). From the frist time to now it has been 10+ years, and nothing has gotten better of changed, in fact things got worse. Moral of the story: life doesn't improve for everybody.
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Your life is not over yet. What you have to live for is the possibility that things could get better. One of the cool things about life is you never know what is just around the corner.

JuanBolio said:
Really sorry about your loss, Aurian. Suicide makes no sense. I was going to post a rather tasteless picture, but now I don't feel like it.

That's a first.
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:rolleyes:
 
JuanBolio said:
Really sorry about your loss, Aurian. Suicide makes no sense. I was going to post a rather tasteless picture, but now I don't feel like it.

That's a first.
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That's too bad. I enjoy tasteless pictures.

As for offing oneself, I just never understood the desire to do such a thing. Maybe it's because I react differently to the stressors that cause others to be depressed. Instead of getting sad, I get mad and find a way to terminate whatever it is that's bothering me.
 
I'll admit I've thought about it off and on. But things keep staying my hand. When all is said and done, I don't think I really could do it.
 
Yes, I did attempt it once. I was in a real bad time in my life. I was severely depressed because I had absolutely no friends, I was constantly picked on in school, and I was doing poorly in school as well. This angered my father to no end because his love was conditional on good performance in school (I'm not kidding. My father is a despicable person.) My father himself was also in depression because of the loss of his eyesight to diabetes was taking it out on his family, tearing us all apart. Eventually I had enough, and I tried hanging myself from the cieling fan with an extension cord. However, I thankfully made it too long, and was able to free myself when I realized the pain was too much. That was at least eight years ago, though, and I'm in a much better place now. I'm very happy I failed.
 
I'm glad you failed too. Keep up those spirits and keep fighting! Once again, things CAN get better. It's just hard to see that when you are depressed, and you have to work at making life better. It's easy to wallow in self pity and make things even worse. You can't "give up". Thanks for sharing!
 
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