Age differeance in couples

[iguana_tonante]

I voted "Hell no, it's not morally right," but I really wouldn't go that far. I don't think it's right, but it has nothing to do with "morals." It's just too big of a difference at that age. Especially if the older one has already graduated from high school. I think that 16 and 18 together would be alright, but anything older or younger together is pushing it. When you're a teenager every year makes a big difference in physical and emotional maturity. You grow so much during that time that someone at 15 is WAY different from someone at 19. When you are older, say in your 30s and after, I don't think age difference is that important at all. But when you're a teenager, it's a big deal.

Same here. To me, a big factor is that at 15 you are still in the first year of high school, while at 19 you are at college. That's a huge difference, in both social and intellectual environment. I agree that it should be judged case by case, but by law you have to draw the line somewhere. Wait a year (16-20) and I'll be more lenient, wait another and I will be all for it.

 

[Lord Garth]

High school is usually four years. I wouldn't want to create a situation where any high school students would get into trouble with the law for dating each other, so I would say the acceptable legal difference for teenagers should be four years, so long as both were at least 14. I'd even make it up to a fifth year's difference as an exception (or "grace period") just in case the older person has a birthday.

This way, if there actually is a case of statutory rape, there's less doubt in people's minds as to whether or not it actually way. Something like 13 and 18, for instance. And anyone who is 21 or older dating someone under 16 would still also be charged with statutory rape, which is keeping in the spirit of what I think statutory rape should be really be considered.

I wouldn't approve of my 15-year-old (if I had one) going out with a 19-year-old but that doesn't mean I'd want the 19-year-old to go to prison. It should be up to the parent, not the police.

 

[QCzar]

I don't see how even a supposedly mature 15 yr old (an odd concept, to be sure) is mentally cogent enough to make an informed judgment about engaging in a long term relationship with someone with the life experience of a 19 yr old. Speaking from personal experience, I really doubt that a girl or (especially) a boy that age can truly appreciate what they're getting into. Teens that young have real and appreciable differences in cognitive ability that actually compromises their ability to make completely rational decisions without adult input.

They're very much still growing a brain.

We, as humans, spend most of our lives in a state of aging, where our brains for the most part have already attained their final state. They can pack in a lot more knowledge/data, but not much more in the way of capacity and function.

Whereas we actually spend the first 24 years of our lives mentally and physically maturing, so that as each year passes, it has a fundamental and measurable effect on our brains and bodies. It's as if it takes our Operating System about that long to fully install. Everybody is a little different, and some may be fully functional by 19, while others may take until 26.

At 15, we just don't have enough installed to run a complicated app like "Adult Relationship 1.0.1". We need stuff like "RealRelationships_are_NOT_liketheonesyouseeonTV[.]dll" in our system folder, or we're just begging for a Fatal Error.

 

[Daneel]

So if you really think this relationship has potential, just go for it, no matter what the naysayers may think -- even when the naysayers sometimes include me.

this is a hypothetical situation

Uhhh... I knew that. Er... yeah. My statement was hypothetical too... or something.

My mistake. I figured the specific ages in the poll were based on some real-life situation that you or someone you know is experiencing.

I guess it's true what they say about what happens when you assume something...

 

[Arrqh]

The standardized lower limit of dating creepiness is (age / 2) + 7. Though you can probably skew it a bit based on individual circumstances.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Well, that gives me a lower limit of 31. I can live with that.

 

[RaymondJames]

So if you really think this relationship has potential, just go for it, no matter what the naysayers may think -- even when the naysayers sometimes include me.

this is a hypothetical situation

Uhhh... I knew that. Er... yeah. My statement was hypothetical too... or something.

My mistake. I figured the specific ages in the poll were based on some real-life situation that you or someone you know is experiencing.

I guess it's true what they say about what happens when you assume something...

that's fine. I just picked the ages because ones starting Highschool and the other college. Also note I didn't assign gender to either so

Male15 - Female19
Female15 - Male19
Male15 - Male19
Female15 -Female19

all apply.

 

[Hermiod]

Well, that gives me a lower limit of 31. I can live with that.

22 for me. Not interested in silly little teenagers anyway.

All the celebrity-type women I liked when I was a teenager were all in their late twenties/early thirties anyway.

Mmmmmmm.... Lois and Clark-era Teri Hatcher.... mmmmm....

 

[Deckerd]

At 15, we just don't have enough installed to run a complicated app like "Adult Relationship 1.0.1". We need stuff like "RealRelationships_are_NOT_liketheonesyouseeonTV[.]dll" in our system folder, or we're just begging for a Fatal Error.

Biologically speaking, it's not far off the perfect age to have children, so I don't think you're right there. Most of the baggage (limiters) adults put on teenagers is a modern phenomenon.

 

[Emher]

The standardized lower limit of dating creepiness is (age / 2) + 7. Though you can probably skew it a bit based on individual circumstances.

That would make it at about 19 for me, which is about right. But I have this quiet agreement with myself that I'll try and avoid dating anyone under 20. So far I've only had trouble with girls under that age.

 

[RaymondJames]

Numbers have been going back & forth on this one for sure.

Looks like staying neutral is the popular stand. yea Switzerland

 

[Franklin]

I will admit that I'd be quite nervous about it if one of my daughters was 15 and wanted to date a 19 year-old. Heck, at that age she wouldn't even have a driver's license yet.

I'd also want to have a frank talk with her if she were the 19 year-old and was attracted to a 15 year-old boy.

I don't think you can get into general questions of the morality of it until you dissect what the relationship is all about and what each teen wants or gets from it. If there's truly mutual attraction, they share a lot in common, and neither is taking advantage of the other, then who knows? I mean, what if they'd known each other since they were both pre-teen? Still, on the whole, my parental senses would cause me to be suspicious of such a relationship.

 

[Danoz]

I voted "Hell no, it's not morally right," but I really wouldn't go that far. I don't think it's right, but it has nothing to do with "morals." It's just too big of a difference at that age. Especially if the older one has already graduated from high school. I think that 16 and 18 together would be alright, but anything older or younger together is pushing it. When you're a teenager every year makes a big difference in physical and emotional maturity. You grow so much during that time that someone at 15 is WAY different from someone at 19. When you are older, say in your 30s and after, I don't think age difference is that important at all. But when you're a teenager, it's a big deal.

It's simply impossible for a starry-eyed 15 year old to be emotionally ready for a relationship with an adult. As said by Spot's Meow, there's too much growing up that happens at that age. Teenager years in intellectual development are simply too huge.

 

[QCzar]

At 15, we just don't have enough installed to run a complicated app like "Adult Relationship 1.0.1". We need stuff like "RealRelationships_are_NOT_liketheonesyouseeonTV[.]dll" in our system folder, or we're just begging for a Fatal Error.

Biologically speaking, it's not far off the perfect age to have children, so I don't think you're right there. Most of the baggage (limiters) adults put on teenagers is a modern phenomenon.

How is that relevant to this topic? My niece's mother was 13 when she got pregnant. Are you suggesting she was mature enough to handle an adult relationship? I don't think biological maturation nor references to obscure, archaic cultures are a factor in this conversation.

In case it really did fly over your head, we're talking about NOW, today, in modern times and Western culture. I really shouldn't have to qualify that (even though I already did so in the statement you quoted with my reference to TV). Yours is just a pointless indulgence in academics.

When the quote is taken in context (you know, modern times and all) it's exactly right, with rare exception.

 

[RaymondJames]

I am going to get locked up in the Trek BBS Brig for starting a war

 

[TGTheodore]

69 and 65, no problem.
59 and 55 all the way down to 29 and 25, no problem. Experiences and growth are generally the same.

19 and 15? Nope. Still way too much of a maturity difference. (Actually, the 19-year-old guy would probably be the more immature of the couple ...)

--Ted

 

[CaptainStoner]

Large age differences are a Red Flag. 90% of the time, it's a valid Red Flag. That's life. It's not a reason to avoid a relationship, but one does have a tendency to pull the wool over one's own eyes.

 

[Daneel]

this is a hypothetical situation

Uhhh... I knew that. Er... yeah. My statement was hypothetical too... or something.

My mistake. I figured the specific ages in the poll were based on some real-life situation that you or someone you know is experiencing.

I guess it's true what they say about what happens when you assume something...

that's fine. I just picked the ages because ones starting Highschool and the other college. Also note I didn't assign gender to either so

Male15 - Female19
Female15 - Male19
Male15 - Male19
Female15 -Female19

all apply.

Ah, I see where you're coming from now. Okay.

In any case, my original sentiments still stand: it's not impossible for a 15-year-old and a 19-year-old to find success in a relationship with each other, and I won't condemn anyone for trying, but the odds of them actually doing so are very, very slim. In the teen years, such an age difference would usually mean too much of a disparity in terms of maturity, expectations, and life experience. In other words, a recipe for failure.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

In any case, my original sentiments still stand: it's not impossible for a 15-year-old and a 19-year-old to find success in a relationship with each other, and I won't condemn anyone for trying, but the odds of them actually doing so are very, very slim. In the teen years, such an age difference would usually mean too much of a disparity in terms of maturity, expectations, and life experience. In other words, a recipe for failure.

I've known people of those ages who were in relationships, and while the relationships haven't worked out, they lasted a good long time, especially given the ages of the participants.

I try not to judge, within reason - if I knew a 19-year-old (or older) person who was dating someone that much younger than they were and I could see that it wasn't a healthy relationship, I would say something about it. But if all was going smoothly, I wouldn't see a reason to get involved.

Personally - well, by now everyone knows my personal situation. Let's just say it's not a problem.

 

[Starbreaker]

19 and 15 isn't that big of a deal. I don't really remember being attracted to any 15 year olds at 19, though.