A Question To The "Involved" Men Of The Board...

[ThankQ]

Oh boy, you're not helping us here we we have to talk down the "only assholes get girlfriends" crowd.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

BTW, Luv' or Love is a slang term when your refer to a woman you don't know. The male equivalent would be "mate". Just a silly term I picked up from my girlfriend's grandfather.

Yes that is the era..

 

[Emher]

Oh boy, you're not helping us here we we have to talk down the "only assholes get girlfriends" crowd.

Sorry, that was far from my intent. My intent was to show that even though things may seem perfect and "to be" at the the time, it's not necessarily so.








Wait, did you just call me an asshole?

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

"To be" is fiction. With anyone. Make it or break it, it's up to you and the other person.

 

[Captain_Nick]

Are you saying we are all 'not to be'????? Profound

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

No I'm saying that worrying that you are with your "true love" and it is "destiny" is stupid, if it's not working out go find someone else. Nothing is meant to me, only made to be.

 

[Captain_Nick]

Ok

'nothing unreal exists'

 

[Sean Aaron]

No I'm saying that worrying that you are with your "true love" and it is "destiny" is stupid, if it's not working out go find someone else. Nothing is meant to me, only made to be.

Or as Crosby, Stills and Nash said "Love the one you're with" - though that was more in the spirit of "free love," so probably not if you're in a committed relationship.

 

[Squiggy]

No. Then again, I'm not a paranoid, immature man-child.

 

[Sean Aaron]

No. Then again, I'm not a paranoid, immature man-child.

Sorry, this is Squiggy posting, yes? Surely at least half of that is true?

 

[Squiggy]

I'm not paranoid. That's the kicker.

 

[Vendikarr]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

My ex wife talked with males online, and I trusted her completely. When one of her male friends came to town, I was a little apprehensive, but did not stand in the way.

A few days later she told me she wanted a separation. She is currently married to this man.

If I was in a relationship this would be a big red flag to me now.

The question is, did you do anything wrong? The act of talking in itself is not a problem. What can be the problem is what is said and what feelings are shared.

 

[Sean Aaron]

If I was in a relationship this would be a big red flag to me now.

The question is, did you do anything wrong? The act of talking in itself is not a problem. What can be the problem is what is said and what feelings are shared.

But without his knowing the content of the conversation what is the basis for coming down on her?

In your own situation do you think you could have prevented your ex from communicating to this person or anyone else? Would being more controlling have saved your relationship?

 

[ThankQ]

Oh boy, you're not helping us here we we have to talk down the "only assholes get girlfriends" crowd.

Sorry, that was far from my intent. My intent was to show that even though things may seem perfect and "to be" at the the time, it's not necessarily so.








Wait, did you just call me an asshole?

Sorry, that post was intended as a reply to the OP. I wasn't too clear about that, was I?

 

[SmoothieX]

I'm involved in a divorce, does that count?

 

[sojourner]

^Not if your one of the lawyers.

 

[Vendikarr]

If I was in a relationship this would be a big red flag to me now.

The question is, did you do anything wrong? The act of talking in itself is not a problem. What can be the problem is what is said and what feelings are shared.

But without his knowing the content of the conversation what is the basis for coming down on her?

In your own situation do you think you could have prevented your ex from communicating to this person or anyone else? Would being more controlling have saved your relationship?

Being controlling would have just brought up different problems. I have given this a lot of thought, and what happened was inevitable, just hot it happened could have changed.

As much as it would make me nuts, I would probably do the same thing all over again. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, and if you don't trust your partner, you really don't have anything.

 

[Ood Sigma]

I sympathize with the OP. A similar thing happened to me several years ago. I actually cut off contact with most of my online friends, even though nothing inappropriate had ever happened. You might say I was cowardly for not taking the moral high ground but I counted my existing "real-life" relationship more important than all the online friendships I lost, combined. It still makes me sad that I had to choose, but I don't regret the choice I made.

 

[Emher]

Oh boy, you're not helping us here we we have to talk down the "only assholes get girlfriends" crowd.

Sorry, that was far from my intent. My intent was to show that even though things may seem perfect and "to be" at the the time, it's not necessarily so.








Wait, did you just call me an asshole?

Sorry, that post was intended as a reply to the OP. I wasn't too clear about that, was I?

Not overly so, no Well, then I'm a bit less baffled.

 

[SmoothieX]

^Not if your one of the lawyers.

Actually, this is why it counts to the lawyers.