A Hater Revisits nuWho

[Bones2]

I may review Torchwood after I'm up to date on all of New Doctor Who. But that's a long way off. Not to mention that if I take too long, I'll have the whole of Series 5 to get through as well. What's more, I'm getting busier, so soon I may not be able to manage more than one or two of these a week. Or at least, not if I'm to do reviews at my nitpicky best (I say best, mileage may vary). Another long one here though. Needs two posts in fact.



The Christmas Invasion (**½)

This is really difficult to score, because as you'll have seen from my Series 1 summation, I draw the line of what's worth watching at three stars plus. And this is nearly there. Nearly. But it's just not quite good enough. It's still got a lot of silliness, and there are some parts I very much take issue with. Still, either way, it's the best RTD story up to this point, for what that's worth. But onto the actual review...

So, of course, between the end of The Parting of the Ways and the beginning of The Christmas Invasion is the Children in Need 2005 scene. So I'll include that here. And it's quite good. Tennant seems just like the Doctor we've come to know and love from the off, if a little manic from the post-regeneration sickness he always seems to get. You'd think the Time Lords would have a pill for that by now. Billie Piper's also very convincing here, and it all comes together quite well. But in short, after some chat, the Tenth Doctor passes out after setting course for December 24th. We also hear the cloister bell for what I think is the first time in the new show, so that's a nice nod to continuity.

Onto the actual episode, and we get a pretty zoom in to Earth (albeit reused from Rose I think) and Jackie decorating the Christmas tree. Meanwhile, Mickey's working in a garage where the radio is playing Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody, which music stations do play pretty much 24 hours a day at Christmas. Anyway, both Jackie and Mickey hear the Tardis (and again, as with The Parting of the Ways, only they seem to hear it), and this time it crashes down rather than just materialises, knocking into buildings and also knocking some bins over. The Doctor emerges announcing how he's managed to land in London on Earth in the solar system (THE solar system?), wishes Jackie and Mickey a Merry Christmas, and proceeds to pass out. Which is how he then stays for most of the episode. After Rose tells them both that he's that Doctor, Jackie says "What do you mean that's the Doctor? Doctor who?" which might have made you smile, but it made me roll my eyes. It's a line that could work, but its usage wasn't natural.

A title-rolling later, and they've got The Doctor in pyjamas and into bed at Jackie's. Jackie's managed to acquire a stethoscope and Rose then listens to his hearts. They're both beating, so that can only be good. When Rose tell Jackie how the Doctor's got two hearts, she then asks "Is there anything else he's got two of?". So I'm guessing it wasn't her who changed him into the pyjamas then. After they've left the room, he exhales some time vortex. Or at least, that's what I thought it was. But we see it float up into space. Which means it must have been travelling damn quickly.

Rose and Jackie chat briefly, and then we see on the TV that Harriet Jones is Prime Minister and that Britain has sent out a space probe to Mars, which we then see get sucked into what looks like a big asteroid. I quite like that scene as it goes, because it tells us a lot in a very brief amount of time.

We then cut to Rose and Mickey walking around doing some Christmas shopping, and she notices that rather than the Sally Army brass band playing carols, it's some weird robot Santas. You'd have thought someone else would have noticed, but...well, maybe they did, but what would you do? And if you're out shopping on Christmas Eve, you're probably in a hurry anyway. So these Robot Santas then stop playing and start using their instruments as flameflowers and guns, and while running to escape she says "It's us, they're after us". A little paranoid. One of the Robot Santas then manages to fire at a giant Christmas tree, which proceeds to fall on him and knock his face off. Smooth. Rose and Mickey escape by getting into a taxi, which then drives off without asking for a destination. Rose tries to phone Jackie, but the line's engaged.

Arriving home and being convinced without evidence that someone's after them, Rose insists they leave. Then the Christmas tree attacks them. Now I think it's safe to assume that the Robot Santas were after them, but it would have been better for Rose to arrive home and then work this out. So, a big spinning Christmas tree is attacking. Will this be resolved sensibly? A glance at who the writer is would suggest not. Sure enough, Rose just says "Help me" in a very unurgent voice into the Doctor's ear, and he quickly sits up, points his screwdriver at the tree, and it blows up. So the Doctor's up and about now, and he goes outside to see some Robot Santas looking up at the flat. He points the screwdriver at them, and they back away and teleport up. Mickey then insists that they can't be all that if a sonic screwdriver's going to scare them off. Even though he's just seen that screwdriver blow up a spinning Christmas tree. The Doctor says they were "pilot fish", and because he's letting off energy from his regeneration still (so it wasn't time vortex, it's some other nonsense), it's been detected by them a million miles away, and they've come to get him because they could run their batteries off his energy for years.

Now, here's my problem. Up until now (a good 10 minutes), the episode's been alright, but we've just got several slightly silly things at once. Firstly, this idea we're given that regeneration lets off all this energy has never really been seen or mentioned before, and the idea that it lets off so much energy that an already space-faring race would detect this energy and come all this way to get it means this must be a stupendous amount of energy. Besides, wouldn't a space travelling race have a means of producing lots of energy already? And this isn't the first time in the new show that we've had aliens coming here to get silly means of energy; in the Slitheen two-parter, they of course came to start a nuclear war because bits of nucear bombed planet can be used to power space ships, so Rusty's already recycling the same kind of reason for aliens to come here. But both energy source ideas are very daft. Secondly, the Doctor manages to work out this pilot fish thing and their reason for coming very quickly without much evidence. Factoring in that he's meant to be quite ill and out of sorts, that's also silly. Thirdly, it of course means that earlier when the Robot Santas were attacking and Rose immediately jumped to the conclusion that they were after her because she had the regenerated Doctor (a huge leap in logic), she was completely right. And while we're on the subject of the Robot Santas, why are they obvious Robot Santas? This presumably means that whoever sent them knows what Christmas is and that tradition here (somehow), but then if you're going to send your robots in such a disguise, wouldn't you have them look less like weird robots while you're at it? And why make them start shooting around if you're after the regenerated Time Lord? Surely you'd send them more for surveillance and reconnaissance, to work out where he might be. Maybe I'm overanalysing here, but...well, it's what I do.

Anyway, back at the scene I disgressed from, The Doctor says he's having a neuron implosion (eh?), and that he needs Jackie to shut up. Only, she didn't start talking until he started saying he needed something. He then says the pilot fish mean something is coming. In case you hadn't worked that out from the term "pilot fish". Then he passes out again.

So they put him back to bed, and after Rose finds he has only one heart beating now (which I'd have guessed would be fatally serious, but...), we see more about this probe on the TV and Mickey looks up the term "pilot fish" on the computer. Which is fair enough, because it's not a term you hear very often. And on the TV, the probe has transmitted pictures of a bony alien face being angry.

Then we get a long scene of some cars pulling up to the Tower of London, and the little Welsh scientist from the news is escorted to see Harriet Jones. After the inevitable "yes, I know who you are" joke, she informs him that they're putting out the story that it's a hoax, but it's actually real. Then we get that bloody joke again, and Harriet is told what we've known for a while: that the probe's not broadcasting from Mars, but that it was taken in by a ship that's now approaching Earth.


Continued below...

 

[Bones2]

(The Christmas Invasion review, part II)


Back at the Tylers' flat, Mickey's managed to hack into the military. Apparently they didn't change their pasword from "buffalo" then. Or Mickey's suddenly become a hacking genius. Anyway, he's seen that they're monitoring this alien ship heading for Earth. The aliens then start sending a message, but it's in Alienese, so no one can understand. Though shouldn't Rose be able to, having been a Tardis passenger (as explained in The End of the World)? Anyway, they look quite cool. Big bony faces. Then that thing I just mentioned about the Tardis translation is explained. Which is a pleasant surprise. Only the explanation (given by Rose, who's always right in this one) is that it's not translated because the Doctor is part of the circuit and he's broken. Erm...what? Even if we assume that the Tardis does need the Doctor for it to be able to translate (which makes no sense), he's not actually dead. Does the translation thing not work if he's asleep? Or if he stubs his toe? If it were me and I thought it important to the plot that Rose not be able to understand, I'd make it that the Tardis was partially damaged during the time vortex rubbish and it's currently busy self-repairing so the translation doesn't work. It would also explain better the rough landing at the start. I think it's better than the "Doctor is broken" bit at least.

Back at the PM, she's told the US President wants to take charge. She responds by telling him that he's not her boss and he's certainly not turning this into a war. Which is, of course, a thinly veiled dig at Bush and Blair. Nice one Russell. Either way, NATO is on full alert. Harriet then says that if the Doctor doesn't show up, she wants Torchwood ready. What's this Torchwood then? By now, the translation's through, and the Sycorax (as they're called) are coming to take our planet. Somehow the translator guy's managed to learn enough language that they can reply with words to the effect of "we're armed, so watch it", and the Sycorax transmit back one of them pointing and having his hand go blue. Again, I'd just like to say how cool I think they look. So this bluehanding makes some people (but not all) walk off somewhere. Turns out they're heading for any tall ledges. And it's affecting people all over the world. We then get one shot of people lining the top of the Colosseum. I didn't know you could get up there. So it's one third of people affected, and helpfully none of the main characters. We find out it's people with the A positive blood group. What's happened is that the probe had a vial of A positive blood on it (I guess it must have seemed like a good idea at the time...), and somehow the Sycorax are controlling people through knowing A positive blood. Does that make any sense? Probably not. And what about the infirmed or those too young to walk? Make up your own answer.

Harriet then broadcasts a message in which she helpfully reveals that the Royal Family have A positive blood, and that she has no idea what to do. But actually the point of the broadcast isn't to panic people further, rather instead to try and contact the Doctor. Rose has a cry, and then the ground shakes and windows break. Apparently a sonic wave as the spaceship hits the atmosphere. It was quite a big shake too; you'd have thought if it could shatter the gherkin building, it would have knocked some people off. We see the ship itself now, above London. It looks a lot like a big asteroid.

So Rose decides that herself, Jackie, Mickey, and the Doctor should move into the Tardis (helpfully for the plot). At the same time, the Sycorax then chat to Harriet again, then beam her, the Welsh scientist, the army guy I haven't mentioned, and the translator guy aboard. Turns out the bony heads were helmets, and we see the face underneath. I prefered the bony face, but it's all suitably alien nonetheless. The Sycorax then threaten to make all the ledge people jump if the planet doesn't surrender. The Welsh scientist then comes over all brave and gets killed for it. The army guy then points out this was against the Geneva convention, and gets killed for it. We're then told that surrendering would mean half the population being sold into slavery, or else one third dying. Then the Sycorax somehow detect the Tardis and they beam it aboard with Mickey, Rose, and the unconscious Doctor aboard. They don't realise this has happened though, so Rose steps out into the Sycorax ship (though you'd have thought she'd have noticed when she opened the door). Mickey hears her scream and runs out, dropping a flask of tea near the Doctor. The tea spills and sparks some of the workings under the floor, and some smoke happens. Now, considering how bumpy the Tardis can be and how exposed these parts are, you'd expect them to be better insulated. Or there should at least be a "No Drinks in Console Room" sign up.

So having seen Rose get out of the Tardis, the Sycorax say she speaks for the planet now. God help us. To be fair, she has a go, using some words she's heard. The Sycorax don't buy it though. They have a bit of a chuckle in fact. The leader starts blathering on about how great they are, but then his language turns to English. Which I thought is a clever touch, because that obviously means the Doctor's woken up. Even though the idea of needing the Doctor to be wide awake for the Tardis to translate is stupid in the first place. So the Doctor gets out of the Tardis, to much triumphant music on the soundtrack. The Sycorax tries his death whip which killed the other two earlier on him, but it doesn't work and the Doctor snatches and breaks it. So the Doctor must be invincible post-regeneration. Or just magic. Anyway, if we haven't gathered yet, he explains it was the tea smoke that set him straight. Well no, actually he says it was a cup of tea he needed, but how he got that considering 1. he was passed out and 2. it had spilt everywhere is anyone's guess. Of course, it probably was the tea fumes, but at the same time, surely it was mostly electrical smoke he was getting a whiff of? Well, whatever, he's up now. But hang on...tea? Bloody tea? That rights a broken Time Lord? I'd actually rather have nonsense technobabble.

So the Doctor chatters away a bit like the Tenth Doctor we'll come to love, and he susses out the blood control and presses the button that we thought would make people jump. They don't jump though, it just deactivates it. Turns out you can't get people to kill themselves under blood control. You can get them to zombify and walk to a ledge, but not to jump. Why not, if it's what you need it to be for the plot. There's a little bit more chat, and then the Doctor picks up and sword and offers to fight the leader for the planet. It's handy that's good enough for them then, otherwise even if he does defeat the leader, they could just invade anyway.

So some very unconvincing swordplay follows, they go to the outside of the ship, and the Sycorax leader manages to cut off the Doctor's hand. Well, it sort of looks that way, but the shot that follows is of an empty sleeve (which should have been cut as well) and no blood. Good news though, there's a new rule that means that in the first 15 hours of a regeneration he can grow a new hand. So Rose throws the Doctor another sword (the other Sycorax[es?] just let her pick one up then), there's a little bit more unconvincing swordplay, the Doctor gets the leader down with his sword to his neck, and makes him promise to go away. Then, while the Doctor's chatting away after, he pulls a satsuma out of his pyjama pocket, the Sycorax leader tries to charge him from behind, and the Doctor throws the satsuma at a buttton that happens to make just that one square meter or so under the Sycorax leader fall away. That's quite stupid, unnecessary, and actually hurts the plot. I'm not talking about him having the satsuma there; it was explained earlier that the man Jackie's seeing and whose pyjamas they are gets hungry so he keeps fruit in his pyjamas. Of course, you'd expect that a set of pyjamas that fit Tennant well would belong to someone who doesn't get hungry much, and you wouldn't keep fruit in your pyjama pockets because that would be quite uncomfortable, but...no, no that's not my point. No, this is my point. Y'see, the reason that the Sycorax would go away is because they seem to have a sort of tribal honour, so because the Doctor's won the swordfight, that's why they'll leave. So if the leader would then rush the Doctor from behind after having been defeated and having his life spared, that makes them seem dishonourable (though, of course, so did whipzapping the two guys earlier). So as they're clearly not that honourable, why would they not just invade now anyway?

But yeah, anyway, the Doctor then gives a quick speech about how they should go away forever and tell others not to try their luck invading the Earth either because "it is defended". Apparently word didn't get to the 456 (not that the Doctor helped out then anyway). So the Doctor, Rose, Mickey, Harriet, translator guy, and the Tardis are beamed down again. The ship starts to fly away, the Doctor tells Harriet how Earth is getting noisy and noticed, and then Harriet gets the message that Torchwood is ready. She then gives the order to fire, and some lasers fire up, converge (like how the Death Star would fire), and destroy the ship. That's why the 456 weren't warned off then. Now, to be honest, I probably would have fired at it too. Send the message that you don't fuck with Earth. If they're happy enough to come and enslave the planet (or steal an energy-rich Time Lord, whatever happened to that motivation), then they deserve it. They may well go and bother another planet in this way instead. The way I see it, she's rid the universe of some nasty characters. Anyway, this Doctor is apparently a bleeding heart liberal, so he gets all angry. I can see why this was written in: it was meant to show that she was good, but she's gone too far. Even so, it's not enough of an obviously wrong decision, and I for one side with Harriet. And what does the Doctor know about defending planets anyway? Remind me where Gallifrey is now? We then get a silly bit where he brings down her government with six words: "Don't you think she looks tired?". Which you might think is clever, but it isn't really.

So the Doctor goes into the Tardis wardrobe and selects his now familiar outfit (which I like a lot, it's smart and cool, which you can't say about Ninth's leather jacket), and goes and eats Christmas dinner with Jackie, Rose, and Mickey. He's not a vegetarian any more then. Also, they were apparently eating it with the television on, because helpfully we can now see that Harriet's position is under question. All on the same day. And to be honest, I'd look tired after all that.

So they go outside and it's snowing. Only it's not snow, it's ash from the burning spaceship. Still looks pretty though. We then get a mushy scene of Rose deciding to carry on travelling with the Doctor, and it ends.

So yeah, a flawed episode. Too flawed? I have to say yes. It was fairly fun, and I was almost ready to give it 3 stars, right up until he threw that satsuma. That was a stupid bit too far, and then the notion that Harriet was wrong and bringing down her government...no. It had its moments, but this just wasn't quite all that.


That zany screwdriver:
1. Blows up a spinning Christmas tree. Ho ho ho.
2. Scares off some Robot Santas. It's got itself a reputation now then.

 

[HappyDayRiot]

But hang on...tea? Bloody tea? That rights a broken Time Lord? I'd actually rather have nonsense technobabble.

Nonsense. A cup of tea solves anything. It sure as hell heals me.

SoGood news though, there's a new rule that means that in the first 15 hours of a regeneration he can grow a new hand.

New? Only because no previous Doctor has had a limb chopped off before. Probably happened all the time in the Time War. Whether they then went away and grew limb-clones is another thing entirely obviously.

Then, while the Doctor's chatting away after, he pulls a satsuma out of his pyjama pocket, the Sycorax leader tries to charge him from behind, and the Doctor throws the satsuma at a buttton that happens to make just that one square meter or so under the Sycorax leader fall away. That's quite stupid, unnecessary, and actually hurts the plot... Y'see, the reason that the Sycorax would go away is because they seem to have a sort of tribal honour, so because the Doctor's won the swordfight, that's why they'll leave. So if the leader would then rush the Doctor from behind after having been defeated and having his life spared, that makes them seem dishonourable (though, of course, so did whipzapping the two guys earlier). So as they're clearly not that honourable, why would they not just invade now anyway?

The honourable ones always end up doing something that flies in the face of the honour they claim. Perhaps the Doctor realised how stupid he'd made the Sycorax look, being beaten by a scrawny jabbermouth, and anticipated the charge. Whatever - the Rule of Cool applies to this.

We then get a silly bit where he brings down her government with six words: "Don't you think she looks tired?". Which you might think is clever, but it isn't really.

It is quite clever. It sows mistrust and paranoia, and makes people unsure of her state of mind. And much of that comes from her own paranoia and reaction to what he whispered. Now I agree with you in that in this instance, Jones was in the right and this wasn't a sufficiently serious reason to bring her down. And it is silly for the reason the Doctor had previously said she would usher in a golden age for humanity. But the method of doing so? Perfectly fine by me.

That zany screwdriver:
1. Blows up a spinning Christmas tree. Ho ho ho.
2. Scares off some Robot Santas. It's got itself a reputation now then.

Have you reset that counter because it's a new series? Or because the list was getting too long too quickly to sustain the girth of the rest of the review?

 

[Sci]

She then gives the order to fire, and some lasers fire up, converge (like how the Death Star would fire), and destroy the ship. That's why the 456 weren't warned off then. Now, to be honest, I probably would have fired at it too. Send the message that you don't fuck with Earth. If they're happy enough to come and enslave the planet (or steal an energy-rich Time Lord, whatever happened to that motivation), then they deserve it. They may well go and bother another planet in this way instead. The way I see it, she's rid the universe of some nasty characters. Anyway, this Doctor is apparently a bleeding heart liberal, so he gets all angry. I can see why this was written in: it was meant to show that she was good, but she's gone too far. Even so, it's not enough of an obviously wrong decision, and I for one side with Harriet.

I don't know that you are necessarily supposed to automatically side with the Doctor. The Doctor's been established previously to be a morally ambiguous political actor on occasion. Certainly he has his opinion of firing on a retreating enemy; the question is, is he right? It's an allusion to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's decision to sink the Argentine ship A.R.A. General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War.

 

[Lindley]

So, the Tardis flies towards the Dalek ship and appears to get blown up, but the forcefield comes on just in time, or something (Jack: "The extrapolator's working

All of the "force field" references in this episode were in regards to the Extrapolator, the explosion-powered surfboard they picked up in "Boom Town".

The device itself is a bit silly, but at least it's continuity.

The really remarkable thing is that a device capable of transforming enemy weapons fire into a defensive shield would be manufactured in surfboard form. That would seem like the ultimate defensive shipboard system....

 

[Starkers]

She then gives the order to fire, and some lasers fire up, converge (like how the Death Star would fire), and destroy the ship. That's why the 456 weren't warned off then. Now, to be honest, I probably would have fired at it too. Send the message that you don't fuck with Earth. If they're happy enough to come and enslave the planet (or steal an energy-rich Time Lord, whatever happened to that motivation), then they deserve it. They may well go and bother another planet in this way instead. The way I see it, she's rid the universe of some nasty characters. Anyway, this Doctor is apparently a bleeding heart liberal, so he gets all angry. I can see why this was written in: it was meant to show that she was good, but she's gone too far. Even so, it's not enough of an obviously wrong decision, and I for one side with Harriet.

I don't know that you are necessarily supposed to automatically side with the Doctor. The Doctor's been established previously to be a morally ambiguous political actor on occasion. Certainly he has his opinion of firing on a retreating enemy; the question is, is he right? It's an allusion to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's decision to sink the Argentine ship A.R.A. General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War.

This is probably always the decision that sticks in my craw with regards the Doctor, and I agree, I think in hindsight RTD did want it to be controversial rather than a right/wrong statement.

There are some differences obviously, the Belgrano wasn't retreating, it was sailing away from the Falklands--there is a difference--as has been said many times, it would have taken minutes to turn itself around. This was also during a sustained conflict, it wasn't like after a truse or anything.

I mean, would anyone be complaining if the RAF shot down German bombers that were retreating back to Berlin after all. It was war, the Belgrano was an enemy vessel, the direction its bow was pointing is irrelevant.

The Sykorax on the other hand were retreating, they were a defeated foe and conflict had ended.

I'm not saying I think Harriet was wrong, in fact if anything I find myself more on her side than the Doctors, although neither has the moral high ground. I'm glad RTD gave Jones some redemption as a character without her having to weepily admit the Doctor was right. If anything she was.

"You're not always around." How very true-I'd rather Harriet Jones was my PM than Green.

 

[Bones2]

But hang on...tea? Bloody tea? That rights a broken Time Lord? I'd actually rather have nonsense technobabble.

Nonsense. A cup of tea solves anything. It sure as hell heals me.

Oh yeah, I love a cup of tea as much as the next Brit. It's what separates us from the Kerrymen. But making that the solution takes this another step away from being serious sci-fi.

SoGood news though, there's a new rule that means that in the first 15 hours of a regeneration he can grow a new hand.

New? Only because no previous Doctor has had a limb chopped off before. Probably happened all the time in the Time War. Whether they then went away and grew limb-clones is another thing entirely obviously.

Also new in that it was made up for this episode. Still, I'm much happier accepting this over that bloody clone business.

The honourable ones always end up doing something that flies in the face of the honour they claim. Perhaps the Doctor realised how stupid he'd made the Sycorax look, being beaten by a scrawny jabbermouth, and anticipated the charge. Whatever - the Rule of Cool applies to this.

Yeah, but at the same time, if it's ultimately only a pretension of honour, then if I were the Sycorax, I'd invade anyway. But I take even more issue with the Doctor then chucking a satsuma at a button that happens to just make that small bit of ground fall away. I mean...what the bloody hell was that? Why would that button exist at all to do that, and how would the Doctor know that's what it does? And the Doctor shouldn't really have won that swordfight anyway. That's not how Doctor Who works. But yeah, it's the satsuma button that got to me the most.

We then get a silly bit where he brings down her government with six words: "Don't you think she looks tired?". Which you might think is clever, but it isn't really.

It is quite clever. It sows mistrust and paranoia, and makes people unsure of her state of mind. And much of that comes from her own paranoia and reaction to what he whispered. Now I agree with you in that in this instance, Jones was in the right and this wasn't a sufficiently serious reason to bring her down. And it is silly for the reason the Doctor had previously said she would usher in a golden age for humanity. But the method of doing so? Perfectly fine by me.

Yeah, I get how the six words thing works. It's just that he says it to one person who was around hearing the whole conversation anyway. And it's just a trifle silly in my view anyway. Things just don't really work like that in reality. Unless it had magic Time Lord Meme powers.

That zany screwdriver:
1. Blows up a spinning Christmas tree. Ho ho ho.
2. Scares off some Robot Santas. It's got itself a reputation now then.

Have you reset that counter because it's a new series? Or because the list was getting too long too quickly to sustain the girth of the rest of the review?

Both. Its use only gets more frequent from here, so by Series 4 it'd probably need its own post each time.

<snip>

I don't know that you are necessarily supposed to automatically side with the Doctor. The Doctor's been established previously to be a morally ambiguous political actor on occasion. Certainly he has his opinion of firing on a retreating enemy; the question is, is he right? It's an allusion to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's decision to sink the Argentine ship A.R.A. General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War.

I think it's very much shown in a way that we're meant to think the Doctor is definitely right. Whenever the new series has tried to give the impression of the Doctor being morally ambiguous, it's been very heavy-handed and obvious (such as with The Waters of Mars, and also I think in The End of the World and The Runaway Bride). And the resulting consequences are usually things that would be the same however he acted. In The Waters of Mars, whatserface went and killed herself anyway, so things were basically the same. In TEOTW, the bit I'm refering to is how the Doctor seems before Cassandra splats, and she would have anyway whatever his expression. In The Runaway Bride, I recall the Racnoss were all dying while the Doctor watched with a slightly angry face, inplying some moral ambiguity there. But they were going to die anyway. That said, I might recall these bits wrongly, but in these cases where the Doctor is portrayed with definite moral ambiguity, the outcome would be the same however he responds. In this case he doesn't just say to Harriet "that was wrong, I'm not such a fan of you now", but rather he actually brings down her government. Which I couldn't see happening in New Who if we're meant to think her perhaps in the right.

Also, on the subject of the Belgrano, that was the silliest controversy ever. I mean, what kind of quaint view of warfare is it where you don't fire at an enemy ship because it's in some exclusion zone? There's only one reason there's an enemy warship about, and it's not for a cruise. If it wasn't a danger at that time, it probably would have been later. But...that's just by view on that.

Still, at least it's not just me who thinks Harriet was in the right. But I doubt RTD intended any real ambiguity there as to who was right or wrong.

So, the Tardis flies towards the Dalek ship and appears to get blown up, but the forcefield comes on just in time, or something (Jack: "The extrapolator's working

All of the "force field" references in this episode were in regards to the Extrapolator, the explosion-powered surfboard they picked up in "Boom Town".

The device itself is a bit silly, but at least it's continuity.

The really remarkable thing is that a device capable of transforming enemy weapons fire into a defensive shield would be manufactured in surfboard form. That would seem like the ultimate defensive shipboard system....

Ah, I never realised that. Nice continuity, even if it's a very silly thing.

 

[HappyDayRiot]

^ I think the extrapolator is seen again in the Cybermen two-parter, where has become covered in Tardis coral and become part of the Tardis itself. I may be thinking of its use in POTW though and confusing it with something else. Jack may even mentioned the shielding in Journey's End when they first beam aboard the Crucible.

 

[Lindley]

It's definitely used at least one more time.

 

[Sci]

I think it's very much shown in a way that we're meant to think the Doctor is definitely right. Whenever the new series has tried to give the impression of the Doctor being morally ambiguous, it's been very heavy-handed and obvious

Oh, I dunno about that. In addition to his overthrow of Harriet Jones's government in "The Christmas Invasion" -- which Harriet continues to defend, quite confidently and seemingly vindicated, in "The Stolen Earth" -- I'd cite the Doctor's dinner with Blon in "Boom Town," his dilemma over whether or not to sacrifice most of the Human race in the name of destroying the Daleks in "The Parting of the Ways," Davros's accusation that the Doctor turns ordinary peaceful people into living weapons in "Journey's End," his eternal punishments for the Family of Blood in "The Family of Blood," his running away from Captain Jack in "Parting" and "Utopia," his refusal to interfere in the city's destruction in "The Fires of Pompeii," his decision to deliberately commit treason and genocide against the Time Lords revealed in "The End of Time," and, most of all, his ongoing arrogance ("I"m the Doctor and there's no higher authority than me!" in "New Earth," "I CAN DO ANYTHING!" in "Voyage of the Damned," his ranting and raving about how unfair it is that he'll have to die to save Wilf in "End of Time") as further examples of moral ambiguity on the Doctor's part that the show has tended not to be heavy-handed about.

In this case he doesn't just say to Harriet "that was wrong, I'm not such a fan of you now", but rather he actually brings down her government. Which I couldn't see happening in New Who if we're meant to think her perhaps in the right.

I think you're attributing a far more straightforward morality to nuWho than is actually present.

Besides, the Doctor overthrows alien and far future governments at the drop of a hat. Why shouldn't he overthrow a current government now and then?

(Or, really, every other season, since he essentially overthrow both Harriet Jones's and Harold Saxon's governments.)

Also, on the subject of the Belgrano, that was the silliest controversy ever. I mean, what kind of quaint view of warfare is it where you don't fire at an enemy ship because it's in some exclusion zone?

Well, none, actually. A quaint -- that is, old-fashioned -- view of warfare would be that you don't make any distinction between acceptable and unacceptable targets. But, yeah, the exclusion zone was not for the benefit of Argentine Navy ships, and the laws of war recognize the right of two states at war to fire upon one-another's navies' ships in the high seas, which is where the H.M.S. Conqueror and A.R.A. General Belgrano were. Under international law, the heading and speed of an enemy ship are often irrelevant (and, indeed, the Belgrano was not retreating, merely re-locating itself for later tactical advantage).

In fact, both the Argentine government and the captain of the Belgrano himself have acknowledged that the Belgrano was a legitimate target under international law.

But, it still makes for an interesting issue to talk about, and inspired in Doctor Who a more interesting moral dilemma.

Still, at least it's not just me who thinks Harriet was in the right. But I doubt RTD intended any real ambiguity there as to who was right or wrong.

If that were the case, I doubt that he would have had Harriet continue to stand by her decision in "The Stolen Earth" -- particularly in a situation where she seems vindicated (what with the Earth being unable to contact the Doctor). And I especially doubt he would have given Harriet such a heroic death if the intent was to say that she was unambiguously in the wrong. If we were supposed to think she was absolutely wrong, I rather suspect he would have portrayed her with greater shades of Brian Green (the PM in Children of Earth) or Arthur Coleman Winters (the U.S. President-elect in "The Sound of Drums").

 

[Stevil2001]

^ I think the extrapolator is seen again in the Cybermen two-parter, where has become covered in Tardis coral and become part of the Tardis itself. I may be thinking of its use in POTW though and confusing it with something else. Jack may even mentioned the shielding in Journey's End when they first beam aboard the Crucible.

It's definitely used at least one more time.

It's "The Runaway Bride" where it pops up again-- the Doctor uses it to bounce the TARDIS's location into a corridor when they're pulled back into the Racnoss lair by the huon particles. And it is indeed covered in coral.

 

[TedShatner10]

I'm puzzled why some of the more rabid critics of RTD era DW would assume that RTD's Doctor must be so marvelous and that the Doctor's enemies are supposed to be irredeemably evil - even in "The End of Time", the Master, widely perceived as the most evil Time Lord, redeems himself.

 

[David cgc]

The thing that really gets me is that the Doctor made the Sycorax captain "swear on the blood of his species" to leave Earth peacefully. As I recall, the captain immediately went back on that oath, and was soundly thwapped by the Doctor for doing so. "No second chances," the Doctor said, all bad-ass like.

So, since the Doctor was running mercy-lite at the moment, and since the captain had, indeed, violated his oath, Harriet was only carrying out their agreement when she blew up the ship. Indeed, to prove that deals with the Doctor and humanity are legally binding and not just figures of speech, she probably should've blown the hell out of their home planet, too.

On the other hand, given the "president-elect" thing, it's entirely possible that RTD does think swearing something on your mother's life or on the blood of your species or by the wrath of Almighty God really is just a rhetorical flourish that doesn't mean anything.

 

[Bones2]

<snip>

Actually, after reading that, I've rather come around more to the idea that the Doctor is more often morally ambiguous in the new show than I previously thought. But I still don't get the feeling that we're meant to do anything other than side with the Doctor against Harriet, going by the mood of that scene and the rest of the episode. But I could be wrong. I suppose we can never be sure, unless RTD comes here and tells us. Which is unlikely. Still, if ever I meet him, I'll be sure to ask.

I'm puzzled why some of the more rabid critics of RTD era DW would assume that RTD's Doctor must be so marvelous and that the Doctor's enemies are supposed to be irredeemably evil - even in "The End of Time", the Master, widely perceived as the most evil Time Lord, redeems himself.

Well that is almost always the case. The Nestene Consciousness, Cassandra, the Gelth, the Slitheen, the Daleks, the Sycorax, the Cybermen, the Abzorbaloff, the Racnoss, the Family of Blood, the Sontarans, and for the most part the Master are pretty much evil for its own sake. I'm not quite so bothered by the fact that most enemies are just evil for the sake of it and there's no great attempt at deeper psychology for the most part (or at least, not as bothered by it as Lawrence Miles is), but it does mean the show gives up a bit more of its claim to being serious sci-fi. The standard evil sci-fi race motivation is that they think they're better than those they seek to conquer or dominate or whatever (usually humans), analogous to how some humans view animals. But it's very rare in New Who that we get a deeper or more complicated motivation.

<snip>

Well, even I don't read that much into swearing on the blood of their species, simply because they're clearly not really that honourable a bunch. And the idea of swearing on something is something you hear so often these days, it doesn't hold that much meaning.

Anyway, my weekend's become unexpectedly free, so I'll hopefully be able to have New Earth reviewed by the end of it. After that though, it's anyone's guess as to when I'll be able to do Tooth and Claw. Perhaps even another full week.

 

[Stevil2001]

Well that is almost always the case. The Nestene Consciousness, Cassandra, the Gelth, the Slitheen, the Daleks, the Sycorax, the Cybermen, the Abzorbaloff, the Racnoss, the Family of Blood, the Sontarans, and for the most part the Master are pretty much evil for its own sake.

I'm not sure that's true for all of them-- yes for the Slitheen (well, motivated by profit but EVIL profit), the Daleks, the Sycorax, the Cybermen, &.c, but the Nestene Consciousness is doing it to survive (something the Doctor recognizes and why he apologizes: "I couldn't save you!"), the Gelth again are doing it to survive, but overreach themselves, and the Racnoss are just reproducing.

 

[The Nth Doctor]

Well that is almost always the case. The Nestene Consciousness, Cassandra, the Gelth, the Slitheen, the Daleks, the Sycorax, the Cybermen, the Abzorbaloff, the Racnoss, the Family of Blood, the Sontarans, and for the most part the Master are pretty much evil for its own sake.

I'm not sure that's true for all of them-- yes for the Slitheen (well, motivated by profit but EVIL profit), the Daleks, the Sycorax, the Cybermen, &.c, but the Nestene Consciousness is doing it to survive (something the Doctor recognizes and why he apologizes: "I couldn't save you!"), the Gelth again are doing it to survive, but overreach themselves, and the Racnoss are just reproducing.

And Cassandra was just self-absorbing and full of vanity. Hardly evil for its own sake.

 

[Sci]

On the other hand, given the "president-elect" thing, it's entirely possible that RTD does think swearing something on your mother's life or on the blood of your species or by the wrath of Almighty God really is just a rhetorical flourish that doesn't mean anything.

People always act like the "President-elect" thing is a screw-up, and I'm always skeptical of that notion. The position of President-elect is a real legal position, and Winters was acting as a special United Nation Ambassador, not in an American political capacity. It's entirely possible that he really is supposed to be the President-elect rather than the sitting U.S. President in "The Sound of Drums."

<snip>

Actually, after reading that, I've rather come around more to the idea that the Doctor is more often morally ambiguous in the new show than I previously thought. But I still don't get the feeling that we're meant to do anything other than side with the Doctor against Harriet, going by the mood of that scene and the rest of the episode. But I could be wrong. I suppose we can never be sure, unless RTD comes here and tells us. Which is unlikely. Still, if ever I meet him, I'll be sure to ask.

Fair enough.

I'm not quite so bothered by the fact that most enemies are just evil for the sake of it and there's no great attempt at deeper psychology for the most part (or at least, not as bothered by it as Lawrence Miles is), but it does mean the show gives up a bit more of its claim to being serious sci-fi.

What claim to being serious sci-fi? The beauty of Doctor Who is that it doesn't take itself too seriously most of the time.

 

[Bones2]

I'm not quite so bothered by the fact that most enemies are just evil for the sake of it and there's no great attempt at deeper psychology for the most part (or at least, not as bothered by it as Lawrence Miles is), but it does mean the show gives up a bit more of its claim to being serious sci-fi.

What claim to being serious sci-fi? The beauty of Doctor Who is that it doesn't take itself too seriously most of the time.

The old show used to take itself fairly seriously. There's a whole extended universe of novels and audio that takes it seriously. There's no harm in the show taking itself seriously. It doesn't have to be Star Trek: The Next Generation every week, but it can be but damaging to the suspension of disbelief when an alien from another planet just needs a cup of tea to bring him to life, or when a cliffhanger is resolved by growing another Doctor out of a hand. Having a serious internal consistency doesn't stop something from being fun, but it would encourage the audience to be more invested in it. And on this subject...



New Earth (**)

Right, so we open with the music playing too loudly while the Doctor gets the Tardis back up and running and Rose says goodbye to Jackie and Mickey. How soon this is after The Christmas Invasion is anyone's guess, because it's not very Christmassy outside. Rose asks the Doctor where they're going, and he replies "further than we've ever gone before". Don't tell me this Doctor is going to fancy her as well...

So, the titles roll and we're at New Earth in the year five billion and twenty-three. In a galaxy apparently not called the Milky Way, but rather Galaxy M87. Which you'll be uninterested to know is a real galaxy. But then, I suppose galaxies won't be what they once were in 5 bilion years, considering we're not that much longer away from the Big Crunch, if I recall correctly (which, of course, I probably don't because it's not my area of expertise). We also see some disappointing CGI fly past. Things that look like N64 F-Zero racers. Or PS1 Wipeout, if that was your thing. Rose then somewhat oddly says to the Doctor "Can I just say, travelling with you - I love it." She means with either Doctor I presume, considering they appear to have only just left. He then responds "Me too", which of course sadly means that this Doctor will indeed fancy Rose too. So another series of the pseudo love story then.

Before we're forced to die a sugary death however (and the Kandyman isn't even in the new show), the action changes to a weird-looking guy watching them through a sort of ball thing. Because as we all know, in the future people will get tired of screens that show things properly, and instead want distorted ball images. As it were. There's something not to Google. Anyway, this weird guy has noticed that Rose is purely human. So what, he's got cameras pointed all over the planet in case someone human lands in a time machine? Turns out this camera is on one of those little metal spidery things from The End of the World. Of course, rather than a useful camera, it has a heavy red tint. Because in the future, people will get tired of seeing things properly, and want their images with a heavy red tint.

Back at Love Story, the Doctor and Rose are reminiscing about their first date (and they actually call it that) during The End of the World. But the important thing is that some humans found another planet just like Earth and called it New Earth. As you do. Also, the music's been toned up if anything. Another one for the minus column. Back at small metal spidery thing control, we hear the voice of Zoë Wanamaker ordering the metal spidery thing (if I have to say it again, I'll use MST) to have a closer look at the nauseatingly happy couple. So either this is the My Family crossover we've all been dying for, or Cassandra didn't die when she went splat, even though it was clearly implied that she died when she went splat. Now, I can see why a show would bring back a popular villain, but was Cassandra really a popular villain? And that underused plot device the psychic paper works two ways now, as someone is using it the ask the Doctor to go to a big hospital they just happen to be near. Is that really the best way Rustbucket could think of for getting the Doctor and Rose from A to B? By giving the psychic paper a new ability?

Cassandra's revealed now and recognises Rose, and we get the first almost swearing joke of the episode. Very witty. Also, we see a cat nurse. Or nun. Or both. I'm sure we'll find out which later. So the Doctor and Rose take separate lifts up to Ward 26 where the psychic paper is very unsuspiciously calling them to, and they each get a disinfective shower on the way up. Maybe that's meant to be funny or something. And this music is intolerably intrusive. So the Doctor and Rose end up in different places; the Doctor in a very clean shiny place, and Rose in a very...unshiny place. We see a fat bloke who's turning to stone, and then that it was the Face of Boe who called the Doctor. Rose meanwhile finds Cassandra, who isn't dead after all (because thinking up new villains is hard work), and the weird bloke is her new moisturiser monkey called Chip. There's another almost swearing joke (which I'll abbreviate to ASJ if it comes up again), Cassandra is watching old tape footage from the last time someone called her beautiful (5 billion years and she hasn't upgraded to blu-ray...), and she traps Rose in a sort of forcefield for a "pscho-graft". Which means Cassandra's put her mind in Rose's body. And I would add here that Billie Piper does a good job of portraying Cassandra in Rose's body.

Meanwhile, the Doctor's looking at the Face of Boe, and I could just about make out over the music that it's said that before it dies, it'll give its knowledge to the "lonely god". They actually call the Doctor a lonely god. Bloody Russell. Billie Piper gets to act flattering her own figure, and we find out Cassandra's previous brain won't work now for some reason (that reason of course being because the plot requires it). Lucky Rose turned up when she did then. There's then an admittedly amusing part when Cassandra-Rose pretends to be Rose-Rose on the phone to the Doctor, and talks in awkward cockney rhyming slang, saying she's on her way. And the Doctor then sees the fat man who was turning to stone (and is the Duke of Manhatten) has been cured. Though he shouldn't have been. Back with Cassandra-Rose (or, from here on if I have to say it again, CR) and Chip, she mentions something's going on with the Sisterhood (the cat nuns), and then we see the cat-nuns looking at some sort of diseased man weirdness and wondering how it's able to talk and seem alive, then incinerating it. Bleak.

CR is with the Doctor now, and for someone who's meant to be completely brilliant, he's not all that perceptive at noticing how differently she's behaving. So the Doctor notices something must be up with the clever medicine and looks at a terminal that tells things. Then there's a moment of horror for me as I see him get his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. This opens a great big secret door that leads to intensive care. Which as it turns out is a huge room of green-glowing pods. The Doctor opens one and for the first time we get his now familiar "I'm so sorry" bit as he sees a diseased person. When CR asks what disease it is, the Doctor replies that it's all of them. Every disease in the galaxy. I assume this means that each sick podperson has one, rather than they all have all of them, but that's not really the answer he gives. I also assume he means every disease in the universe rather than the galaxy (M87), because humans originate from elsewhere. CR also asks if they're safe then, considering he's just opened a big hatch you'd imagine would be quite important to sealing the diseasery off. Don't worry though, he says it's sterile. Just don't touch them. But hang on. How does the Doctor know any of this stuff about them having all the diseases? I doubt he got it from the terminal readout earlier, because it's a secret and seemed to only be referred as "intensive care". Maybe the Doctor knows because he's magic.

So as the Doctor's explaining that they're lab rats grown to be ill rather than patients (for all the sense that makes), a cat nun helpfully walks around the corner to fill in the blanks: they're not proper people and have no proper existence, and were grown because humans showed up with so many diseases. The Doctor, of course, isn't impressed. But it turns out he has noticed Rose seeming weird after all, and thinks the cat nuns did it. So CR tells the Doctor who she really is, then passes him out with some perfume that isn't perfume. He wakes up in a green diseasepod, and we find out that the pod is about to be topped up with a thousand new diseases. So...does that mean they do get all diseases each? Or a thousand each? Because those we've seen admittedly didn't look well and had a few sores and things, but they didn't look as though they had a thousand diseases, and certainly not every disease in the cosmos. So as CR is chatting to him through the door, some catnuns come along. CR demands money from them, or else she'll tell the world what's going on, and when the catnuns refuse, she pulls a lever that wakes up and lets out all of the zombie disease people on that row. That's a bit of a silly lever to exist. Of course, this also lets the Doctor out, so he runs off after CR, shouting at the catnuns not to touch the disease zombies (as if they wouldn't know). One of the disease zombies (or DZs as I'll call them if I have to mention them again) says how they understood what was happening all along, and then jams his arm into some kind of socket. For some reason that makes no sense, this blows the locks and opens every single pod. And then we find out that each DZ definitely has every single disease. Which explains why they all look the same, but is all the dafter when you think about the fact they only appear to have a touch of leprosy at worst. The hospital is then sealed off and quarantined.

So a bit of a chase starts up as the DZs start to swarm the hospital. Chip (yeah, he was about) gets separated from the Doctor and CR, so he jumps down what appears to be labelled a waste chute. The Doctor and CR however end up sealed off in a safe room, and he tells Cassandra to leave Rose's body, actually threatening her by pointing the bloody screwdriver at her. So she blows her consciousness from Rose into him. Wait, hang on. Earlier it took the whole psycho-graft machine to do it, but now she can blow her consciousness into anyone at any time? I hate to say this of something in an RTD story, but that's a bit stupid. So now Cassandra-Doctor (err, CD I guess) does a bit of talk that's not funny and too rude for a kids show. I'd also note here that Tennant isn't quite as good as Piper in the Cassandra-imitation stakes. Then the DZs break down the door, and CD and Rose run away. Next we see, they've managed to start climbing a tall ladder. Then, out of nowhere (considering they're part way up a very tall ladder), a cat nun appears under the Doctor and complains a bit, but then dies of disease and falls a very long way. CD and Rose then notice there are more DZs climbing after them, so they hurry up a bit. They get to a door they can't open, and Rose says to use the sonic screwdriver. CD says (s)he doesn't know how (which is odd, because when she was in Rose's head, she seemed to keep at least some of Rose's memory, as well as the damn thing having only one button anyway), so she blows her consciousness into Rose. The Doctor then refuses to open it unless she goes away, there's some more silly switching during which she's briefly blown into a DZ below, and by the end of this utter stupidity, we end up with just the Doctor and CR on the other side of the door. CR then goes reflective on how miserable the DZ felt. So she got some memory there then.

In the shiny bit of the hospital now, the Doctor gets the intravenous solutions for every disease (which seem to number about 15), uses the screwdriver to break down a ring thing (lonely god only knows what it's meant to be, but it's sure handy it was there), uses it to slide with CR down the lift shaft, mixes all the cures together, gets the lift disinfective shower to spray some DZs with cure, and they pass it on until they're all cured. That's absurd. Completely daft. It was as simple as that? It gets more and more difficult to buy into this programme sometimes. So the cat nuns get arrested by the New New York Police Department (who happen to look exactly like their counterparts from now, demonstrating the sad lack of imagination in these future human stories), chats telepathically with the Face of Boe who pretty much tells him nothing and says to wait until next time before then beaming out. Great, so we'll get another episode here? One thing the Face of Boe does say is that he was tired of the universe, but the Doctor had taught him to look at it anew. How did the Doctor do that then? I'm not sure we even saw them speak in The End of the World. Must be because the Doctor is magic. Anyway, this just leaves Cassandra being in Rose to clear up. She of course doesn't want to leave Rose's body and die. Helpfully Chip comes running around the corner and says he'd love to have Cassandra take his body. That's handy. Inconveniently though, he's dying. The Doctor offers to take him/her to the city where they'll build her another skin thing and she can stand trial. However, in that thirty seconds or so, she's decided she's happy enough to die after all. So as a favour to her (not really sure why), the Doctor takes Cassandra-Chip (not worth abbreviating now) back to the point where she was last told she looked beautiful so she can tell herself she looks beautiful. Cassandra Chip then goes and dies, providing some closure on a character it was hard to care about anyway.

So yes, a weird, silly episode. Very weird and very silly in fact. Though actually, it was doing alright until it descended into that absurd body-hopping, which was then played for strange laughs. And again, if it needed the psycho-graft machine the first time, why was Cassandra just able to force her consciousness onto anyone after? Perhaps it's no use trying to make sense of something that's inherently ridiculous. Also, I don't recall hearing anywhere an explanation as to how all the DZs were actually conscious and self-aware, even though they weren't meant to be. But then, I embarrassed my self with that Controller thing in the previous series, so I could be wrong here. And the solution was to squeeze 15 plastic bags into a shower? I think another few drafts were in order. So to sum up, there was potential here, but it soon descended into complete stupidity, and ultimately it didn't amount to anything worthwhile.


Before we finish though, a special feature just for this review: a legend explaining all the abbreviations I had to make up for things that weren't really given proper names.

"New Earth" Legend:
MST - Metal Spidery Thing
ASJ - Almost Swearing Joke
CR - Cassandra-Rose
DZ - Disease Zombie
CD - Cassandra-Doctor
CC - Cassandra-Chip
BS - New Earth


That zany screwdriver:
1. Blows up a spinning Christmas tree. Ho ho ho.
2. Scares off some Robot Santas. It's got itself a reputation now then.
3. Opens a great big secret door. Opens doors, closes plot holes.
4. Is used to threaten Cassandra's consciousness in Rose's body. A densely layered stupid thing is still a stupid thing.
5. Only the Doctor knows how to hold down the on button. Then it opens a smaller, unsecret door.
6. Makes a convenient ring thingy fall down.

 

[Captain Pike]

New Earth is one of my least favourite episodes.

 

[Jax]

Got to ask Bones you seem to jump on any attempt at humor in Doctor Who? Now I know fans of the classic era like to believe it was very serious as a show but it wasn't...It was crude and cheesy beyond the need to be