MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
As Hayes walked down the
5 words only
- Thread starter Bluejay
- Start date
- Status
catwalk of the port nacelle
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
his left foot tripped the
RobertScorpio
Pariah
alert system just under the
deck plate located near the
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
secondary power conduit, this caused
alarms to sound, loudly blaring
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
1970's folk music. Hayes started
funk-dancing in the middle
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
of the catwalk, oblivious to
the growing emergency situation occurring.
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
The fire suppression systems activated
, blasting suppression foam all over
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
Hayes' freshly dry-cleaned uniform
and causing him to freak
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
out. Watching via security cameras,
Rostov and Novokavich laughed heartily,
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
milk coming out their noses.
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
ENT-Five Words Only Story - First 21 1/2 pages (It's been a long since English class, so I tried my best):
Archer was upset. Porthos was in sickbay, eagerly licking Phlox's latest toenail clippings. Apparently, he suffered from keratin deficiency.
Suddenly the chef entered sickbay and T'pol entered room wearing only Trip as a loin cloth.
Trip awakes! Another dream, damn. Oh well. Due on duty.
Meanwhile, in Soval's private harem...the female orion are dancing upside down on the ceiling, wth green fluids leaking from...Focused on his blue eyes, they sigh incoherent promises, waiting for Reed and Hayes to promise them many treasures.
"Just how I like it", Hayes tell Reed, "Malcolm, you...shall not pass! Now go down to E deck and see Hoshi and give her these orders: DO NOT SUCK on commander Kelby's toes!"
Captain Archer glared at the data while T'pol held onto his 24th century meat grinder replica.
"Come Porthos, here boy! Huh?!!!"
Porthos had eaten the last clean blue underwear and now T'pol was commanding while commando! Other body parts were pointed out in Phlox's weekly slideshow the pictures he had were selling like hotcakes among the lovely Vulcan concubines from Trip's holiday brouchure.
Travis walked past the giant Rigellian fertility statue and exclaimed, "Oh! Look at this Subcommander! Trip ain't got... ." Travis was cut short before he could finish, which was as per the norm.
T'Pol chastised Hoshi for all the empty ice-cream tubs on C Deck which were dripping because she and McKenzie were using to analyse the alien slug podules covered in...
"Rocky Road?!" Phlox exclaimed, perplexed. "Kindly unhand my Aldeberaan slugs!"
Hoshi screamed angrily, pointing a finger in the direction of Trip, "I saw you and Anna Hess making out during The Bride Of Frankenstein!
However T'Pol wasn't there to see the movie but rather to keep an eye on what Trip was doing during the moive. She noticed Anna had her hand resting in his lap, which made T'Pol somewhat nonplussed. However, her Vulcan discipline prevented her from grabbing Anna's arms, and breaking them. Instead she groin-heeled Trip, screaming "Only I can touch that!"
"Ladies!" Trip interjected. "Surely we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement. Why fight when we can go to my sweet spot, we just have to agree on getting somewhat drunk first so I can impregnate you with a chestbursting peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
T'Pol, clearly disappointed, told Trip "Tilek svi'khafspol t'vathu - tilek svi'sha'veh."
"I love you too" he began to say, when suddenly Hess interrupted him by suckerpunching Malcolm.
"Ow!" he exclaimed. "Why me? I didn't do anything."
Hess stared at Reed icily, "You were in my way!" and gave T'Pol the creeping french kiss that made Malcom stand at attention and Trip enjoyed every second of this very wrong spectacle. His woman Natalie would be pissed if she knew he was hot property every Rura Penthe Cotillion that came around!
She looked at T'Pol and said "You, you...you...you...you... you... stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!"
Trip looked on, completely stunned, took her in is arms, keeping all five plates spinning and said: "Frankly, my dear, We're going to my quarters, you'll see my new hydro-spanner and polish it up.... nice."
"Main course first... How lovely!"
The pleasure session began well, hydro-spanner performed up to specs and everyone seem satisfied. But the night was still young.
"I hope this thing can be re-used like ensign Mayweather's."
Checking the remaining power supply, Archer let out a sigh. "Trip!", he shouted "The quantum deregulation matrix is malfunctioning! Help!" He indicated his gyrating bulge and said: "Oh mama, yippie!"
Like Queen in Bohemian Rhapsody, T'Pol did the fandango. Trip scratched himself behind his ear and complained about the ticks that infested T'Pol's blue pajamas, "My mother always said a tick has a very small radiometric signature and ion trail."
Whoaa!" Wesley said, leaving holodeck, trailing a long gooey tentacle behind him that slimed up ensign Taurik's wig. "I just ran this AWESOME program about a twenty-second century USS Akira which kinda looks like our lime green 1976 AMC Pacer from the fluidic space."
Tucker wedgied Wesley's Spiderman underoos, mercifully it silenced the obnoxious ne'er-do-well.
Back in the mess hall, the cheese-fondue key party was spiraling downward. Covered in nacho drippings, poor Rostov grimaced "Are you sure it's cheese?"
Phlox looked at it and exclaimed, "It most certainly ISN'T!"
"What is it then, Doc?" shouted Hoshi's Naked Twister team while bent in an unusual attempt to gain access to decon chamber where y'know who was spreading gel everywhere except where it was supposed to be applied, causing Phlox to cover his eyes while Trip performed the Vulcan equivalent of a "pink bottom" on T'Pol's dance mat.
"Pass the medical scanner, Doc. I need to jar this thing loose before we all get covered in regurgitated boscoe and sehlat cheese."
"What in God's name is going on here! This is a munitions dump!" exclaimed Reed. Malcolm pulled an EM rifle and said, "Bloody hell, this is IT! I'll fire if someone calls me 'pansie' again!"
Trip intervened and shoved Malcolm's EM rifle into his pants and fired the stun setting, which caused a tingling sensation that made Malcolm grin idiotically as trip slid to the deckplates and unfastened Malcolm's belt inadvertently, causing Malcom's huge hard pulsating headache to drastically worsen.
"Ancient Greeks cured headaches by pressing peppermint leaves to their..."
"...Archer to senior staff, report to the bridge."
T'Pol grabbed their wieners and flaming marshmallows with such unprecedented ferocity that Rostov got overly excited and let go of his spanner.
"Fondue core breach!" T'Pol shouted as Tactical Alert sounded and everything went straight to hell.
"Load all torpedoes!" Archer cooed "and pick up that spanner!!"
"Get that cat outta here" yelled Novokavich as he shrieked "How did Spot enter holodeck?"
A time-traveling cat scared the bejeezus out of T'Pol so she 'Vulcan death-gripped' her while naked on an equine.
Forty-five Harry Mudd impersonators died of contaminated swiss cheese.
"See, Porthos? I told you Swiss people wanna poison you!"
"Not just the Swiss, Pinkskin. But the Sheliak Cheese Corporation had a copyright on that."
Shran entered with his lawyers: Corbin Bersen, Matlock and Crane, his son Donny, and Riker. Shran gestured at Riker to suck in his disgusting beer-belly and his not so disgusting beer-neck, which flapped like an Orion slave girl's tassels.
"No woman is going to turn me down again!" Trip leapt the table onto Bersen's throat and yelled "YOU CAN SUCK KLINGON RIDGES, MORON!!! I AM GOING TO TELL YOU MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE TELETUBBY; I LIKE THE PURPLE GUY!"
Matlock shat himself and exclaimed "DARMOK AND JALAD AT TANAGARA!" as Rostov shrieked in excitement "WHO THE HELL IS MATLOCK!!!!"
Just then Corbin Q Bersen materialized in a flash and realized he forgot his pants , so he made some appear on T'pols head. Then he snapped his fingers and conjured T'pol's underwear to disappear forever.
Trip was ecstatic at this! He immediatey grasped his spanner, and lead T'Pol away to examine a quantum singularity in in his quarter's small bed.
Captain Archer drank his chocolate dingo milk from an old cotton field back home. Then considered going to the bridge.
Meanwhile, back in Trip's quarters, Hoshi had painted the walls with reflective road construction paint and the walls resembled a throbbing flank of a targ.
"Mr Tucker, is this supposed to resemble your mother?" said T'Pol, as she sniffed at the ooze dripping from Trip's Earhole, which smelled rather like deoxyribonucleic acid and KY jelly warming sensations.
"Don't you talk about gazelles again, please?!" begged Hoshi as Admiral Gardner called Archer on the View Screen.
"Nice man-bra, Admiral, but why wear it on your elbows? Surely it'd be better worn on your butt cheeks." Muttered Hoshi to herself but forgot T'pols hearing is acute and accidentally whispered: "My penis is leaking again!"
Admiral Gardner looked at "Little Admiral" dejectedly and kicked Tucker in the shin, demanding he wipe it off with his tongue.
"YEE-HAW!!!" Trip screamed, forgetting he was male for one precious moment until T'Pol grabbed his huge hyperspanner and tugged it from between his teeth to hit poor Rostov square in the briefing room.
"It is not a toma!" Arnold cried out as Trip realized his plans for galactic dominion were foiled.
T'Pol took his hand, looked deep into his eyes and said "You are my human and you died in TATV." She pulled a sharp stick out of her ear and wiped the wax off with Trip's tongue. Removing her robe it was evident she grew passionate for her human lover. She started sweating profusely, dripping cold coffee all over the pink pajamas with teddy bears. Her horniness was surpassed only by her T'hy'la's raging gigantic passion tentacle, which spurted weird , really really really friggin' weird cream for the cold coffee.
"'Mighty stick' is the law!" shouted Malcolm, feeling left out.
T'Pol felt bad for him, but ignored him anyway, as she had already begun to perk up at the thought of tomorrow night's special movie, NOVA: "The Miracle of Life" starring Barbara Billingsley, Ringo Starr, Neill Patrick Harris, Carl Weathers, and Jolene Blalock as the "The Beaver".
Trip touched T'Pol's pink striped donkey show outfit as the disco ball dropped in his underpants and glowed like blasts from nuclear volcanoes.
"THIS THREAD IS SO WIN!" shouted ensign Mayweather after polishing his desktop Nomad space probe model.
"That's from a different timeline where apes rule the World!"
Trip disagreed. "NO, Travis...it just takes place in Europe where Swedes make awesome pr0n."
Travis looked quizzical. "Really, Commander? What the f#@* is pr0n?"
"Remeber that T'Pol / Hoshi video? I filmed that s@#$!" explained Trip as T'Pol licked his duranium enforced dildo from Risa.
"Subtlety is not really your forte, Trip. You are a bold man."
"What? My beautiful blond hair!"
"Not the six word virus!" said Ensign Six-Pak, an unusual alien from the planet Nitpicker 4.
T'Pol, bored with this nonsense went to the bridge naked.
Trip wasn't happy. Archer was. But Archer was hopeless anyway.
Then T'pol's implants burst into flame, scorching her uniform and burning the Bridge down to singed bulkheads and rubble. Trip was sucked out into space. Holding his breath, he tried to swim laps around the gaping hole in the bridge. Porthos donned a space suit with little boosters on it and a large red rocket with powerful thrusters and a poopy scooper on his belt and a creme filled center.
"My God, this is madness!"
But nobody listened to Londo at this point.
Porthos rocketed through the corridoors of C deck marking his territory at every unconscious nude ensign he passed.
"Getcher pets spayed or neutered!" offered Shran.
Archer glared at his wrist, which suddenly itched and then he fell down with everyone when Mayweather entered.
Jammel dropped her orange nickers revealing a protective inner knicker that had a glowing red Tox Uthat!
"Duck and cover!" a MACO yelled as he is the best lover, because Reed said so.
"Screw you, Hoshi, because you did not watch Beverly Hills 90210 when something better was on then you can kiss my ass!"
Confused and embarrassed, Hoshi kneeled. Malcolm kissed her on the forehead.
"Can you make dumplings?" Hoshi grumbled.
"I don't know, my ethics forbid me to. But I will try if you insist. I can't cook."
"What about that Japanese manure?"
"I think that is not appropriate!" screamed the HR officer.
Hoshi disentangled her wisk from the fourth planet in the Trialis system, causing asteroids to spiral out of control, towards Enterprise. The deflector dish shot was reused many times during the asteroid shower, depleting the audience who wanted more CGI but didn't realize the budget was flushed out the vomitorium. One asteroid smashed the bridge, Cardboard and Bluetack flew everywhere! Ensign Naymont was sucked out, as the true nature of the red shirt was revealed : all must die in embarrassing ways unless they can provide justification for their continued existence!
"Space, the final frontier. These are the expendable reshirts of Malcolm Reed's cannon fodder squad." The announcer boomed as the canon cannon canonized the cannon which made JJ throw up.
Archer was upset. Porthos was in sickbay, eagerly licking Phlox's latest toenail clippings. Apparently, he suffered from keratin deficiency.
Suddenly the chef entered sickbay and T'pol entered room wearing only Trip as a loin cloth.
Trip awakes! Another dream, damn. Oh well. Due on duty.
Meanwhile, in Soval's private harem...the female orion are dancing upside down on the ceiling, wth green fluids leaking from...Focused on his blue eyes, they sigh incoherent promises, waiting for Reed and Hayes to promise them many treasures.
"Just how I like it", Hayes tell Reed, "Malcolm, you...shall not pass! Now go down to E deck and see Hoshi and give her these orders: DO NOT SUCK on commander Kelby's toes!"
Captain Archer glared at the data while T'pol held onto his 24th century meat grinder replica.
"Come Porthos, here boy! Huh?!!!"
Porthos had eaten the last clean blue underwear and now T'pol was commanding while commando! Other body parts were pointed out in Phlox's weekly slideshow the pictures he had were selling like hotcakes among the lovely Vulcan concubines from Trip's holiday brouchure.
Travis walked past the giant Rigellian fertility statue and exclaimed, "Oh! Look at this Subcommander! Trip ain't got... ." Travis was cut short before he could finish, which was as per the norm.
T'Pol chastised Hoshi for all the empty ice-cream tubs on C Deck which were dripping because she and McKenzie were using to analyse the alien slug podules covered in...
"Rocky Road?!" Phlox exclaimed, perplexed. "Kindly unhand my Aldeberaan slugs!"
Hoshi screamed angrily, pointing a finger in the direction of Trip, "I saw you and Anna Hess making out during The Bride Of Frankenstein!
However T'Pol wasn't there to see the movie but rather to keep an eye on what Trip was doing during the moive. She noticed Anna had her hand resting in his lap, which made T'Pol somewhat nonplussed. However, her Vulcan discipline prevented her from grabbing Anna's arms, and breaking them. Instead she groin-heeled Trip, screaming "Only I can touch that!"
"Ladies!" Trip interjected. "Surely we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement. Why fight when we can go to my sweet spot, we just have to agree on getting somewhat drunk first so I can impregnate you with a chestbursting peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
T'Pol, clearly disappointed, told Trip "Tilek svi'khafspol t'vathu - tilek svi'sha'veh."
"I love you too" he began to say, when suddenly Hess interrupted him by suckerpunching Malcolm.
"Ow!" he exclaimed. "Why me? I didn't do anything."
Hess stared at Reed icily, "You were in my way!" and gave T'Pol the creeping french kiss that made Malcom stand at attention and Trip enjoyed every second of this very wrong spectacle. His woman Natalie would be pissed if she knew he was hot property every Rura Penthe Cotillion that came around!
She looked at T'Pol and said "You, you...you...you...you... you... stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!"
Trip looked on, completely stunned, took her in is arms, keeping all five plates spinning and said: "Frankly, my dear, We're going to my quarters, you'll see my new hydro-spanner and polish it up.... nice."
"Main course first... How lovely!"
The pleasure session began well, hydro-spanner performed up to specs and everyone seem satisfied. But the night was still young.
"I hope this thing can be re-used like ensign Mayweather's."
Checking the remaining power supply, Archer let out a sigh. "Trip!", he shouted "The quantum deregulation matrix is malfunctioning! Help!" He indicated his gyrating bulge and said: "Oh mama, yippie!"
Like Queen in Bohemian Rhapsody, T'Pol did the fandango. Trip scratched himself behind his ear and complained about the ticks that infested T'Pol's blue pajamas, "My mother always said a tick has a very small radiometric signature and ion trail."
Whoaa!" Wesley said, leaving holodeck, trailing a long gooey tentacle behind him that slimed up ensign Taurik's wig. "I just ran this AWESOME program about a twenty-second century USS Akira which kinda looks like our lime green 1976 AMC Pacer from the fluidic space."
Tucker wedgied Wesley's Spiderman underoos, mercifully it silenced the obnoxious ne'er-do-well.
Back in the mess hall, the cheese-fondue key party was spiraling downward. Covered in nacho drippings, poor Rostov grimaced "Are you sure it's cheese?"
Phlox looked at it and exclaimed, "It most certainly ISN'T!"
"What is it then, Doc?" shouted Hoshi's Naked Twister team while bent in an unusual attempt to gain access to decon chamber where y'know who was spreading gel everywhere except where it was supposed to be applied, causing Phlox to cover his eyes while Trip performed the Vulcan equivalent of a "pink bottom" on T'Pol's dance mat.
"Pass the medical scanner, Doc. I need to jar this thing loose before we all get covered in regurgitated boscoe and sehlat cheese."
"What in God's name is going on here! This is a munitions dump!" exclaimed Reed. Malcolm pulled an EM rifle and said, "Bloody hell, this is IT! I'll fire if someone calls me 'pansie' again!"
Trip intervened and shoved Malcolm's EM rifle into his pants and fired the stun setting, which caused a tingling sensation that made Malcolm grin idiotically as trip slid to the deckplates and unfastened Malcolm's belt inadvertently, causing Malcom's huge hard pulsating headache to drastically worsen.
"Ancient Greeks cured headaches by pressing peppermint leaves to their..."
"...Archer to senior staff, report to the bridge."
T'Pol grabbed their wieners and flaming marshmallows with such unprecedented ferocity that Rostov got overly excited and let go of his spanner.
"Fondue core breach!" T'Pol shouted as Tactical Alert sounded and everything went straight to hell.
"Load all torpedoes!" Archer cooed "and pick up that spanner!!"
"Get that cat outta here" yelled Novokavich as he shrieked "How did Spot enter holodeck?"
A time-traveling cat scared the bejeezus out of T'Pol so she 'Vulcan death-gripped' her while naked on an equine.
Forty-five Harry Mudd impersonators died of contaminated swiss cheese.
"See, Porthos? I told you Swiss people wanna poison you!"
"Not just the Swiss, Pinkskin. But the Sheliak Cheese Corporation had a copyright on that."
Shran entered with his lawyers: Corbin Bersen, Matlock and Crane, his son Donny, and Riker. Shran gestured at Riker to suck in his disgusting beer-belly and his not so disgusting beer-neck, which flapped like an Orion slave girl's tassels.
"No woman is going to turn me down again!" Trip leapt the table onto Bersen's throat and yelled "YOU CAN SUCK KLINGON RIDGES, MORON!!! I AM GOING TO TELL YOU MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE TELETUBBY; I LIKE THE PURPLE GUY!"
Matlock shat himself and exclaimed "DARMOK AND JALAD AT TANAGARA!" as Rostov shrieked in excitement "WHO THE HELL IS MATLOCK!!!!"
Just then Corbin Q Bersen materialized in a flash and realized he forgot his pants , so he made some appear on T'pols head. Then he snapped his fingers and conjured T'pol's underwear to disappear forever.
Trip was ecstatic at this! He immediatey grasped his spanner, and lead T'Pol away to examine a quantum singularity in in his quarter's small bed.
Captain Archer drank his chocolate dingo milk from an old cotton field back home. Then considered going to the bridge.
Meanwhile, back in Trip's quarters, Hoshi had painted the walls with reflective road construction paint and the walls resembled a throbbing flank of a targ.
"Mr Tucker, is this supposed to resemble your mother?" said T'Pol, as she sniffed at the ooze dripping from Trip's Earhole, which smelled rather like deoxyribonucleic acid and KY jelly warming sensations.
"Don't you talk about gazelles again, please?!" begged Hoshi as Admiral Gardner called Archer on the View Screen.
"Nice man-bra, Admiral, but why wear it on your elbows? Surely it'd be better worn on your butt cheeks." Muttered Hoshi to herself but forgot T'pols hearing is acute and accidentally whispered: "My penis is leaking again!"
Admiral Gardner looked at "Little Admiral" dejectedly and kicked Tucker in the shin, demanding he wipe it off with his tongue.
"YEE-HAW!!!" Trip screamed, forgetting he was male for one precious moment until T'Pol grabbed his huge hyperspanner and tugged it from between his teeth to hit poor Rostov square in the briefing room.
"It is not a toma!" Arnold cried out as Trip realized his plans for galactic dominion were foiled.
T'Pol took his hand, looked deep into his eyes and said "You are my human and you died in TATV." She pulled a sharp stick out of her ear and wiped the wax off with Trip's tongue. Removing her robe it was evident she grew passionate for her human lover. She started sweating profusely, dripping cold coffee all over the pink pajamas with teddy bears. Her horniness was surpassed only by her T'hy'la's raging gigantic passion tentacle, which spurted weird , really really really friggin' weird cream for the cold coffee.
"'Mighty stick' is the law!" shouted Malcolm, feeling left out.
T'Pol felt bad for him, but ignored him anyway, as she had already begun to perk up at the thought of tomorrow night's special movie, NOVA: "The Miracle of Life" starring Barbara Billingsley, Ringo Starr, Neill Patrick Harris, Carl Weathers, and Jolene Blalock as the "The Beaver".
Trip touched T'Pol's pink striped donkey show outfit as the disco ball dropped in his underpants and glowed like blasts from nuclear volcanoes.
"THIS THREAD IS SO WIN!" shouted ensign Mayweather after polishing his desktop Nomad space probe model.
"That's from a different timeline where apes rule the World!"
Trip disagreed. "NO, Travis...it just takes place in Europe where Swedes make awesome pr0n."
Travis looked quizzical. "Really, Commander? What the f#@* is pr0n?"
"Remeber that T'Pol / Hoshi video? I filmed that s@#$!" explained Trip as T'Pol licked his duranium enforced dildo from Risa.
"Subtlety is not really your forte, Trip. You are a bold man."
"What? My beautiful blond hair!"
"Not the six word virus!" said Ensign Six-Pak, an unusual alien from the planet Nitpicker 4.
T'Pol, bored with this nonsense went to the bridge naked.
Trip wasn't happy. Archer was. But Archer was hopeless anyway.
Then T'pol's implants burst into flame, scorching her uniform and burning the Bridge down to singed bulkheads and rubble. Trip was sucked out into space. Holding his breath, he tried to swim laps around the gaping hole in the bridge. Porthos donned a space suit with little boosters on it and a large red rocket with powerful thrusters and a poopy scooper on his belt and a creme filled center.
"My God, this is madness!"
But nobody listened to Londo at this point.
Porthos rocketed through the corridoors of C deck marking his territory at every unconscious nude ensign he passed.
"Getcher pets spayed or neutered!" offered Shran.
Archer glared at his wrist, which suddenly itched and then he fell down with everyone when Mayweather entered.
Jammel dropped her orange nickers revealing a protective inner knicker that had a glowing red Tox Uthat!
"Duck and cover!" a MACO yelled as he is the best lover, because Reed said so.
"Screw you, Hoshi, because you did not watch Beverly Hills 90210 when something better was on then you can kiss my ass!"
Confused and embarrassed, Hoshi kneeled. Malcolm kissed her on the forehead.
"Can you make dumplings?" Hoshi grumbled.
"I don't know, my ethics forbid me to. But I will try if you insist. I can't cook."
"What about that Japanese manure?"
"I think that is not appropriate!" screamed the HR officer.
Hoshi disentangled her wisk from the fourth planet in the Trialis system, causing asteroids to spiral out of control, towards Enterprise. The deflector dish shot was reused many times during the asteroid shower, depleting the audience who wanted more CGI but didn't realize the budget was flushed out the vomitorium. One asteroid smashed the bridge, Cardboard and Bluetack flew everywhere! Ensign Naymont was sucked out, as the true nature of the red shirt was revealed : all must die in embarrassing ways unless they can provide justification for their continued existence!
"Space, the final frontier. These are the expendable reshirts of Malcolm Reed's cannon fodder squad." The announcer boomed as the canon cannon canonized the cannon which made JJ throw up.
The milk splashed on their
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