TNG Caption This! #366: Finally's Part 5

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, just barely made it before the end of the weekend!

First up to the plate, we have the "24th Century Groaning" Award, going to:

Picard: You'd better watch out for time travel shenanigans Data. Heheheeheheehe.

Next, we have the "Honor = Awesome" Award, going to:

PICARD: Mistah Worf. Mistah Wooorf! WORF SON OF MOGH!
WORF: Sorry sir, I can't hear you over the sound of my honor.

Next, we have the "Surprisingly Accurate" Award, going to:

Aquarius: Don't lose your head today.
...Who buys this stuff?

Next, we have the "I wish this were true" Award, going to:

CLEMENS: I wouldn't worry Ms Guinan. If there's one thing I'm sure of about the future, it's that once slavery is abolished, within a hundred years there will be no further race issues in America.

Next, we have the "Nelson Muntz Lifetime Achievement Award" going to:

Geordi: Get your hand away from that button, or you'll destroy the ship! Ha! Just kidding. That never gets old

Our photoshop award, goes to:

TROI: I don't see how this will bring Data back to the future.

LAFORGE: When this baby hits 88 miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit!

First Officer's Log. The plan is working. Geordi was transported to the holodeck in his sleep while we prepare Main Engineering for his 35th birthday party. In the past few hours, he had women troubles, Barclay troubles, putting up with a Data experiment, and engineering troubles. I'm looking forward to when Geordi realizes he had been on the holodeck for the past ten hours.

Picard: *whispering* Okay, I'm going to very quietly lean over and yell into Worf's ear. Make sure you capture it and tag it #todayisnotagooddaytosleepduringastaffmeeting #humansruleklingonsdrool and #nofilter

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, our Finally's series has reached the final TNG cliffhanger, "Descent." Lets begin!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: Welcome to the 24th Century. I am sure there are many things you wish to see. But first, 5 card draw.

Crusher: Jean-Luc, why did you lock us in here?!

Frakes: Your kickstarter is doing THAT well?!

Riker: Riker to Captain Picard. We found your shuttle, Sir. The only damage is that your radio stations have been changed.

Picard: (over comm) You know what to do, Number One.

Riker: Worf, find the joyrider and set phasers to kill.

Picard: Strange, it says there are dozens of wi-fi hot spots in here. Hugh, Crosis, Goval...

Troi: Uh... Captain-

Picard: Not now, Deanna! I've never gotten this strong a signal.

Borg: (off screen) Hello.

 

[Armored Saint]

I'm honored LeadHead.

BEVERLY: What's the matter Jean-Luc? You want us to do an interspecies threesome porn movie?
PICARD: Yup

GEORDI: Worf...the Borg...
RIKER: and Beverly....damn she's that dirty...

DEANNA: IMZADI! He joined them in the brig.

RIKER:..and now I will pursue the Riker manoeuver until you get out and surrender!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: This doesn't look like Pismo II

RIKER: I knew we should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Sir Isaac Newton: "As the foremost scientific mind of my time, and on behalf of these two gentlemen who share that distinction in their own times, may I say how pleased and honored we all are to be in the presence of the author of 'Ode to Spot.'"
Data: "Computer, decrease character sarcasm level by fifty percent."

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Sir Isaac Newton: I don't know, Stephen, what did Captain Pike say to the Vulcan nymphomaniac?
Hawking: BEEEEEEEP.
Einstein: I don't get it.
Data: That is what she retorted.
Hawking: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

ISAAC NEWTON: It wasn't very nice of you to bring in a version of Mr Hawking from after his illness.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Yeah, seriously. Give the guy a break.

BEVERLY: What? All I suggested was that once Wesley graduates we should recommend he get posted here.
WORF: Should I sedate her, sir?

GEORDI: Wait, what's this file? riker.fantasies.secret...WHOA!
RIKER: Not work appropriate, Mr La Forge.
GEORDI: La Farge to Crusher. I need the last five minutes of my memory erased!

WORF: Shouldn't we be searching a wider perimeter?
RIKER: No Mr Worf. This is the only surface around where I can raise my knee up.

(Borg start marching out)
PICARD: Umm, Counselor, weren't you supposed to clear the room?
TROI: Uhh. It looked empty.
PICARD: Right. I brought a psychologist with me on a combat mission. Lesson learned.

 

[Armored Saint]

(Borg start marching out)
PICARD: Umm, Counselor, weren't you supposed to clear the room?
TROI: Uhh. It looked empty.
PICARD: Right. I brought a psychologist with me on a combat mission. Lesson learned.

GEORDI: It least you didn't let the Captain's chair and the tactical station to a doctor and an inexperienced astrophysicist

 

[shivkala]

Thanks, as always for the win, LeadHead

Hawking: *through his computer* With your technology, you have the ability to replicate our bodies, personalities, and minds, correct?

Data: Yes, Dr. Hawking, that is correct.

Hawking: And you figure the best use of our combined brain power is a poker game. I assume, then, that a lot is riding on your ability to play poker. How many pounds do you stand to gain?

Data: Pounds? Ah, a unit of weight measurement used until the late 21st century when a unified Earth government necessitated a global adoption of the metric system. Query, what does my weight have to do with a game of poker?

Hawking: Not weight, money. As in the British pound?

Data: I am sorry for the confusion, Dr. Hawking. In the 24th century, humanity has evolved past the need for currency.

Hawking: Hh. So, let me understand this. You used your amazing computer to replicate three of history's most impressive scientific minds to play poker in a society in which money does not exist. Isn't there something more useful we could be doing?

Crusher: We could remove him from the Collective and give him a position on this ship.

Picard: Only a moron would do that!

Geordi was upset that Commander Riker did not notice his new Cylon/KITT glowing red light upgrade to his VISOR.

Riker: Commander's Log. After being sent on my 100th landing party to scout the area, I have a confession. All right ... I confess I haven't scouted the area ... I hate scouting areas. I have this terrible un-un-uncontrollable fear whenever I scout. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of Girl Scout cookies. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become a Boy Scout. So I spent five ghastly years at Boy Scout Camp. Can you imagine what it's like scouting the same area for five years? I didn't want to be a Starfleet Officer anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . .

Geordi: So, as you can see from the Tricorder...good God, Captain, are you aiming your phaser at my crotch?!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Geordi:"I didn't she could do that?"
Wil: "Neither did I"

 

[Sistrin]

Ah, for your consideration:

Data: The clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!
Einstein: Only two things are infinite, the universe and the odds against my drawing a straight flush.
Hawking: Ha ha, ha ha, you said flush...
Newton: Apparently the apple hit me harder than I thought...

Crusher: Ok, so I dated a slug, geez, sorry...
Picard: You are only alive because I allow it.

Geordi: Oh my God they're Twerking...
Riker: Arm photon torpedoes.

Riker: Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.
Worf: So you brought us to the Ragweed Planet.

Troi: Must Kill Picard...
Picard: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day!
Geordi: Don't you ever touch a black man's radio!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

Crusher: While I'm stuck here, I guess this is a good time. I have something to tell you, Jean-Luc…

Picard: Your voice is breaking up. It must have something do with the problems we are having with the forcefield emitters. They should be done in a few hours. I'll be back

Data: Captain…I am not aware of any…

Picard: Shut up, Data *walks out*

 

[Smellincoffee]

Riker: I've gotta say, Geordi, I've never seen anyone back out of a virtual blind date so quickly they redshifted.

Riker: I realize we have a mission of importance, Worf, but I suddenly feel like having a picnic.

Picard: "Don't phase me, bro"?

Picard: Has he been communicative?
Crusher: Oh, you know the Borg. They just drone on and on-
<wince> Sorry.
Picard: Just for that you're staying in there.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: The tricorder is detecting...the sound of music?

 

[Armored Saint]

NEWTON: So, did they finally find the hand of God in space.
DATA: Actually, the first Federation starship NCC-1701 USS Enterprise had been literraly caught by the hand of the ancient god Apollo on stardate 3468.1. This ship has been finally destroyed eighteen years later into the orbit of the ephemerous man-made planet Genesis. Her sacrifice allowed her crew to be saved. Her crew returned on Earth some months later to save the planet from what would have been an apocalypse and be assigned on the NCC-1701-A. The first mission of this new Enterprise revealed the treachery of an energetic being who falsely claimed to be God.
NEWTON:...
DATA: What is amusing is the fact this false God manipulated a laughing Vulcan who happened to be the half-brother of the half-Vulcan First Officer of the Enterprise. Like the fallen angel Lucifer, Sybok had been banned from his home-world. You can also see Sybok like these children Joseph had before he met Marie and whom their existence used to denied by the purist. Sybok is also the one who ate the forbidden fruit of the emotions into this garden of pure knowledge....
ALL: COMPUTER, END SIMULATION!

HAWKING: Tell me Data, is my last theory still considered valid?
DATA: Yes mister Hawking, but Science Historians are well aware you stole it to a man called Homer Simpson.

BEVERLY: If we're really guilty of having horribly unbearable children, you should be into this brig with us Jean-Luc.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KEEPER: The factors in her favour are youth and strength, plus unusually strong female drives.

CRUSHER: Oh, I'm not that young.

KEEPER: I was speaking of the female, not you.

WORF: Hey!!!!

 

[Armored Saint]

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Sir Isaac Newton: "Well, of course I do. Everyone knows how to play Fizzbin! Did you think it was just some phony name someone made up?"

Riker: "I was just trying to recall if I have ever been in a place like this and not ended up covered with ticks."

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: Listen my Barnaby boy, perhaps you beat me on hair gel and smugness, but are you able to take pose like that?

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Computer, play back time index 2:14:21.
Leah Brahms: "I'm with you every day, Geordi. Every time you look at this engine, you're looking at me. Every time you touch it, it's me - "
Geordi: Sir, the file must have been tampered with. I swear at the time it wasn't Wesley in a dress.
Riker<taps com>: Riker to Counselor Troi....

Worf: Commander - If you brought me out here to abandon me, you should know that I locked down the shuttle systems with a security code. And even if I hadn't, I would still be able to send out a distress signal and eventually find my way back to the Enterprise.
Riker: But you were born free, Worf! Born free!

Picard: Critique my fan fic, Geordi. And bear in mind I have a phaser pointed at your genitals.
Geordi: Crusher/Guinan?

Crusher: But I already pronounce kway-sawnt perfectly, Zhwan Lwooc.
Worf: Wheapons to maximum! What??
Hugh: You. No, not you. Hugh. You. No, not you. Hugh. You. No, not you....
Picard: She noes nuttin' about dis, Jah-knee.
Data: We are going to need a bigger brig.