TOS Caption Contest #287: Diversions

Kirk: "The light is blue! Why are you pressing the green button?"

 

Kirk: "Ooh, gum! I shouldn't. Is it sugarless?"




Kirk: "No, no, you missed it! You hit the second yellow one before the third blue one."

Uhura: "I hate 23rd-century Super Simon."




Bones: "Spock, are you sure we look like Old Western bandits?"

Spock: "The quartermaster was out of bandanas. These will have to serve."

 

KIRK: Give it to me! Starfleet, we need more signal! ...More signal! **Pushes any buttons**
UHURA: I hope Lieutenant Kyle don't let you touch his transporter console...


BONES: Please blow in the breathalyzer!
KIRK: Borgias frat ladd..BONES, you'll not believe Scotty's delirium about body's switching.

 

Bones: Turn your head and cough.
Kirk: !@#$ technology.




Kirk: Who put that fasten seat belt light there!
Uhura: Worth a shot.




Spock: I take it you have beamed into a Vulcan Plomeek Breakfast buffet before.

 

Spock: "Remember, in Salurian culture, any vocal intonation lower than 2,000 hertz is considered a challenge to mortal combat. So, let's keep those helium masks in place!"

 

CARL: Dudes, the contact high thing is greatly exaggerated.

 

MCCOY: Take it. It's just gum.
KIRK: I don't know Bones. Last time you handed me gum it was filled with blank ink.
MCCOY: It's okay. Just take it. Take...it...



GREENSHIRT: Hey, wait a minute. My gas mask isn't connected to anything.
BLUESHIRT: Hey, so is mine. These aren't going to protect us at all!
MCCOY: Spock, tell 'em.
SPOCK: Experience suggests that neither of you are going to survive this mission. This way is more efficient.



REDSHIRT: NO! Don't leave me alone with the guy known to be dangerous! I just got a small amount of character development, just enough for the audience to care about me slightly! I've seen the patterns! I'VE SEEN THE PATTERNS!



MUDD: You found that behind my ear? Do it again! Do it again!



KIRK: Oh my God, I LOVE Brickles!

 

I'm sorry Jim but the plus sign doesn't lie.



Due to Federation budget cuts Ensign Babaganoush had to put his hand over his mouth and pretend to have a mask.



It was a well guarded secret that in lieu of pay George Takei's contract stated he would receive one extra per episode, willingly or not.



As DeForest Kelley kindly offers a sedative, Roger C. Carmel is informed that he is considered an extra in this episode.



Left, left, LEFT!!!! Man you suck at Tetris!

 

Kirk: "Restore factory settings?" What does that button do?
Uhura: It'll tear a mutha-effa a new turboshaft.

 

McCoy: "(inhale/exhale) Spock (inhale/exhale)(inhale/exhale) I ... am your father."

Spock: "Yes Doctor, most humorous."

 

DeSalle: Mister Spock, is this mission my rite of passage to the Science division? I'm a trained scientist, why should I waste my time as Navigator?
SPOCK: Shut up or I send you to Redshirt division.
MCCOY: Is he always that whiny?

 

McCoy: "Bring that man in here."
Security Dude: "No no, not another one of Spock's long wandering lectures."
McCoy: "Look none of us like them, but it's mandatory."
Security Dude: "Get your stinking paws off me you damned dirty apes.

 

DeForest Kelley: "Lenny, look at these props we're using! This is the first time, probably, that we've worried if there's air to breathe on another planet. STAR TREK keeps getting more realistic, all the time - how about that?"

Leonard Nimoy: "I wouldn't count on it happening again, if I were you, De."

 

GENE RODDENBERRY (Off Screen): "Escort that asshole off the Paramount lot!"

 

BONES: Spock, you can't beam down to the planet of Girls without protection!
SPOCK: "Cooties" are a childhood disease, doctor.




BONES: First symptom of Cooties: screaming an like 8-year old who just got kissed by a girl. I warned Spock!




BONES: I'm afraid you're registering 8 on the Cooties scale, Jim.
JIM: How high does the scale go?
BONES: 5.




BONES: As you can see, Jim. The antidote has a nasty side effect.
KIRK: Harry does look a little pale.
BONES: That's Spock.

 

KIRK: If it's again about a mental evaluation, you can say to Starfleet Command to put it where I think, lieutenant. I feel an extreme guiltiness for my subordinates and my superiors who died while serving with me, I had to kill my best friend some years agor, my pregnant wife had been stoned to death and had to let the other big flame of my live died to maintain the history, the mother of my son don't want I met him, I saw half of my family been wiped out by a neural parasite, some mentally umbalanced former friends and lovers trapped me, I've been trapped in other dimensions, I've also had a lot of physical injures and I oftenly saw my friends and my crew sufferinng and I've survived to a genocided when I was a teenager, so I'M STRONG. If they want me to complete this assignment where I will be tortured and see death and horriblle pain among civilian people and my own crew, they must understand I don't have time to see Helen Noel or any other psychiatrist who broke my heart.

 

Mudd: "Why thank you dear Dr. I can smell that vintage BC bud from hear"

 

Kirk: "And that one?"

Uhura: "Incoming subspace communication from Smurfula 1."

 

KIRK: There! LeadHead use again a screencap from The Drumheads.


BONES: We were right Jim, it was Mudd who stole your mojo.

 

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