I'm a fucking grapefruit.
We are pregnant!
- Thread starter Miss Chicken
- Start date
I'm a fucking grapefruit.
Wow. That is the most tragically bitter thing I've ever read on this board. I hope you manage to snap out of it someday.
I suppose. I'm not sure what you mean. But the point is is that if your husband was the kind of guy who said things like "we're pregnant," you would have had a much better marriage.
Yes, you are confused. But pick any backward, unenlightened decade when the sexes were segregated and the male's only contribution to pregnancy and childbirth was to impregnate the female. There are plenty to choose from.
Sure. You could even carry the pedantry a couple of steps further by saying, "We're expecting another child. Gina is pregnant. I merely injected the sperm. The developing fetus's older sibling here did absolutely nothing, but will be available for babysitting one day." I jest, of course. You're free to imbue whatever meaning into the benign euphemism that you like. But my point is that the benign euphemism would not exist if it were not for the world's cultural baggage of tight-assed religion.
And somehow you have managed to politicize a statement of family bonding into the exact opposite of what it actually means.I think the thread took a better turn when people started asking the 'why' behind this turn of phrase being a problem.
We've had a couple of millennia of misogyny (at best) and women being controlled due to the fact of this one thing that women can do that men can't. Men cannot control the conception and birth process. Heck, until fairly recently men had no way of guaranteeing that their wife's offspring was even theirs. And that lack of control over birth has driven male-dominated cultures to control women's freedom of movement, style of dress, access to education, right to participate in civil society.... the whole shebang.
So when I hear 'we are pregnant' I hear a bloke who doesn't want to admit that there's this one amazing ability his wife has that he doesn't. And when unread a thread full of (mostly) blokes saying 'meh, no big deal' I hear a bunch of people who still deep down don't get that male control of women starts right here, in utero, when they claim co-ownership.
My response to hearing that is to wonder how secure he really feels that the kid is his.
Thank you so much for mansplaining that so well for me, RJD. I really appreciate how well you, as a man, can tell me how I, as a woman should respond and feel. It's so helpful.
My ex-husband would have said it if he could gain something from saying it. If there was something he was good at it was putting on a mask for the outside world. I had a hard convincing anyone that he was abusing me because he was so nice to, and in front of, other people.
Wait, we're pregnant is a euphemism? A euphemism for what exactly? What exactly does a man saying they're involved in the experience of being pregnant have to do with religion? And what has an older sibling got to do with pregnancy? And what does any of this have to do with We're pregnant being a euphemism needed because of religion?
To quote The Doctor "What? What? WHAT?"
To quote The Doctor "What? What? WHAT?"
Eh? Euphemism is derived from the Greek... technically it's the opposite of blasphemy. So describing something that's happening inside someone's body as appertaining to them, rather than to the male responsible for them is presumably blasphemy.
Oops! I'm politicising again. Naughty me.
Oops! I'm politicising again. Naughty me.
Wait... what?!
The dark ages. aka, yesterday.
I mean, I could see that in the very early 20th century and before but in the late 20th century? What the hell?!
Just try and do it NOW without a husband. Under 40? You're fucked.
A
Amaris
Guest
All I can say that if, heavens willing, I managed to find someone who loves me enough to actually have a baby, there is no way on Earth I'm saying "we're pregnant." 
What an utterly patronizing, ignorant statement. I can't think of any rational, reasonable basis that could possibly support a statement, from anyone (let alone a guy on an internet message board), which tells a woman that her marriage "would have been better ... if" ... without having full, complete knowledge of the situation. And even then, even if such complete knowledge was available, such an openly and in public (which is what this forum is) statement is likewise recklessly insensitive.
Perhaps this statement ought be rephrased to make it less presumptive and irresponsible?
Weellllll...When they talk to my dad a couple years back (pushing 60, bad health) about getting it done (he didn't cause of some old macho bullshit in his mind) cause of reducing certain cancer risks and what have you, the doctor called my mother (pushing 60) in to consult on her "feelings" on the matter and whether or not she was okay with it and to let her know that this wasn't a reflection on her as a woman.
When I talked to my GP in 2004 (I was 28 then)--shortly after I got tagged with a MS (RR) diagnosis--they wanted to know if
1) There were marital problems and that's why I was asking for it to be done,
2) If I had okayed it with my wife and would I be willing to let the doctor meet with her beforehand to make sure we BOTH wanted it and weren't trying to deal with marriage issues by me getting a vasectomy.
I didn't do it cause insurance at the time. Since then, every doc I've spoke with about it brings up some variation of "And, how does your spouse feel about this?" or "you're still young, have you tried marriage counseling/if you do get divorced and remarried what if your new wife wants her kids of her own".
Glad I didn't have it done in '04--cause our second son was born a few years later; after being told we couldn't have anymore kids. Still want it done, but current insurance is a pain about it cause of my age and no medical reason.
Last edited:
Guys, just say my wife, girlfriend or that teen runaway is pregnant. 
there is no "we" unless you are Borg. 
Once that goo enters her body, you lose ownership fellow.
Unless you gave her an STD.
there is no "we" unless you are Borg. Once that goo enters her body, you lose ownership fellow.
Unless you gave her an STD.
Unless there's child support to be collected, that is.Guys, just say my wife, girlfriend or that teen runaway is pregnant.
Once that goo enters her body, you lose ownership fellow.
Unless you gave her an STD.
All I can say that if, heavens willing, I managed to find someone who loves me enough to actually have a baby, there is no way on Earth I'm saying "we're pregnant."
Sometimes I wish I could get pregnant. I'm far more interested in being a father than I am being a husband or boyfriend.
If I could reproduce asexually, I'd be all for it.
Unless there's child support to be collected, that is.Guys, just say my wife, girlfriend or that teen runaway is pregnant.
Once that goo enters her body, you lose ownership fellow.
Unless you gave her an STD.
I was going to add something about that but I have known women who didn't want the man to have anything to do(even money) with the child.
I assumed RJDiogenes was referring to "expecting" as a euphemism for "pregnant." There are lots of somewhat antiquated euphemisms that date from a time of more delicate sensibilities. Remember the old genteelism "Horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies glow"? Nowadays, everybody just sweats!
But I don't see what that has to do with religion.
Yes, I'm sure it was their deep and abiding hatred of men that made them pursue relationships with said gender, thus resulting in the very pregnancies most of those who oppose the phrase in this thread went through, all so you can condescend to them and accuse them of malicious motives for daring to have a different opinion based on their personal experiences.
In other words, knock it off.
No one was discounting the role fathers play in bringing children into the world and raising them; that was your overly defensive take on it. They were questioning the use of language that made it seem like they had an equal burden in the process of pregnancy and delivery and recovery.
If your wife is running a marathon, and you help her train, massage her aching muscles and feet, buy her new running clothes, help her practice breathing exercises, hand her water, give her words of encouragement, take her to the doctor if she's hurt or to make sure everything's okay, and then stand at the finish line, that's all great, and what you're supposed to do as a loving and supportive spouse. It doesn't mean you ran the marathon too.
Acknowledging that doesn't diminish your role or responsibility or importance in the relationship.
You sound like Bill O'Reilly with his reflexive complaints about progressives. Did you take a political survey of everyone who expressed an opinion here? The person who made the "pantsless" remark didn't sound progressive in the slightest, for instance. Nor should this be a political issue.
So there's no room for nuance between a pregnant woman or a woman who has given birth--who might have a slightly different perspective on the issue from you-- saying "you didn't carry the child or give birth, so don't try and claim equal ownership of that process" and one saying men have no role or importance in conceiving and raising a child whatsoever? If you hold one view you inevitably must hold the other?
Ah, so there are certain words and phrases you have issues with people using in regard to pregnancy too. How would you feel if your opinion on that was belittled and referred to as bitter, backward, "man-hating" (not by you), and cavalier? Especially if you had gone through pregnancy and birth yourself and were being lectured by someone who hadn't?
And that is the most typically condescending thing you've said to a woman this year. "Snap out of it," like it's some kind of hysterical outburst?
I take it back, THAT'S the most typically condescending thing you've said to a women this year. Wow.
Yeah, her emotionally and physically abusive husband would have been a total peach had he just been the type of guy to say "we're pregnant." Because using an odd turn of phrase solves all ills.
No, you politicized it with your conservative and progressive rant above. She's simply stating facts about the gender disparity in society and how she feels this phrase is a component of that disparity. You're entitled to disagree. You don't get to decide for everyone what the phrase means, however. It means something else to them because they have a different perspective on it from yours as women and in some cases mothers.And somehow you have managed to politicize a statement of family bonding into the exact opposite of what it actually means.I think the thread took a better turn when people started asking the 'why' behind this turn of phrase being a problem.
We've had a couple of millennia of misogyny (at best) and women being controlled due to the fact of this one thing that women can do that men can't. Men cannot control the conception and birth process. Heck, until fairly recently men had no way of guaranteeing that their wife's offspring was even theirs. And that lack of control over birth has driven male-dominated cultures to control women's freedom of movement, style of dress, access to education, right to participate in civil society.... the whole shebang.
So when I hear 'we are pregnant' I hear a bloke who doesn't want to admit that there's this one amazing ability his wife has that he doesn't. And when unread a thread full of (mostly) blokes saying 'meh, no big deal' I hear a bunch of people who still deep down don't get that male control of women starts right here, in utero, when they claim co-ownership.
My response to hearing that is to wonder how secure he really feels that the kid is his.
There's a vast difference between asking if you've spoken to your wife about it and asking how she feels about it, and being required to have your husband's signed permission in order to get the procedure done. No one's denying that it's a major decision that affects both parties, but it's a world of difference between that and denying someone control over the decision making process for their own body because they have to get their husband's permission first. That's messed up.
You know, there are guys out there who are legitimately good people. They're kind and supportive and are interested in being good partners. They love their girlfriends/wives, and for them, hearing the news that they're going to have a baby is some of the happiest news they could ever hope to receive. They don't say "We're pregnant" because they're seeking ownership or looking to marginalize the woman's physical state. They say "We're pregnant" because they're genuinely excited to start a family, and even though the man might not technically be pregnant in the medical sense, they want to play as a big a role as they can. Sure, the woman has to carry the ball for 9 months, but the man still wants to be a supporting member of the team.
