TOS Caption Contest #283: Caption, Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, we begin a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "High Fashion" Award, going to:

Lenore: "I'm so glad you like this dress! My father hates it! He doesn't like me wearing anything that requires double-sided sticky-tape."

Next, we have the "Sounds good right now, but just you wait..." Award, going to:

Kirk: Scotty, you old space dog. I didn't know you saved Sargon's android blueprints!

Scotty: It's a one of a kind. And you wouldna believe who helped me with the programming. It was Palamas. She volunteered. Someone named Areel convinced her it was for the good of the service.

Kirk: Wait, Areel?

Next, we have the "Ponn Awesome" Award, going to:

SPOCK: Judging by the concentration of pheremones you are currently releasing, the logical course of action would be to get it on.

Next, we have the "For the world is hollow and I have walked into the sky" Award, going to:

LANDON: The sky...it's like I could reach out and touch it.
CHEKOV: Turn around and valk 30 feet, and you vill!

Next, we have the "Always watching..." Award, going to:

Natira: The Oracle likes to watch.

The Photoshop Award, goes to:

OLD KIRK: NO JIM! STOP THAT AND SEND HER RIGHT NOW TO THE BRIG, OTHERWISE A JEALOUS JANICE RAND WILL ASK FOR A TRANSFER!

Chekov: "I ding we should make wove.
Landon: "Pavel, give me one reason why?"
Chekov: "Vcouse, you are vearing red, dis is a wanding party, and you vill be dead by morning.
Landon: "I say one reason."

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: So, you're all saying it's a bad thing that we're in this universe?

Spock: You will remain in this cell until you delete all Reality Television shows from your DVRs.

Kirk: Mister Spock, why is Chekov our cage dancer this evening?

Kirk: So this controls the tantalus field?

Moreau: No, this is a live feed from the ships library. You've been concerned about overdue books.

Spock: Fine, you can have McCoy back, now get out of my universe!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Kirk: "We've been checking out the ship. My counterpart has a lot of...dirty things in his quarters."
Uhura: "Mine, too."

Spock: "While you are in the brig, I am taking over as commander of the Enterprise."
Kirk: "Nu-uh!"

Pavel Chekov winds up a rousing rendition of "My Way" during Crew Talent Night.

Kirk: "My counterpart showed you this?! Geez, that's even dumber than giving your girlfriend your email account password!"

Mirror Spock: "I ask only one favor before you return to your own universe. Let your Dr. McCoy show our Dr. McCoy how to perform a non-invasive virtual colonoscopy."

Kirk: "I'm sure I'll be too busy rolling around in the sack with you to worry about spying on my crew... Wait! Can you get ESPN on this thing?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

MIRROR KIRK: I refuse to live in an universe where I can't wear a sparkly shirt!

KIRK: I've seen this one. What else is on?

KIRK: Apparently in this Universe, Bones you run a preschool.

CREWMAN BALDING: Any idea how long this is gonna take? I got theater tickets

 

[Maurice]

Next, we have the "For the world is hollow and I have walked into the sky" Award, going to:

Thanks for that!

KIRK: Okay, fine, so mixing gunpowder won't solve the problem this time. Suggestions?

MIRROR KIRK: These velour shirts shrink with every washing! And you call us barbarians?

'

MIRROR CHEKOV: ♫ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigaaaaaroooooo! ♫

KIRK: Oooh. Chat Roulette awkwardness! Cancel, cancel!

MIRROR SPOCK: The logical deduction is this is the Unreal McCoy.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Is there... any way to stop this material from... chafing my nipples?"
Uhura: "You're not wearing a bra?"
Kirk: "No I'm not wearing a bra..."

Kirk: "How am I supposed to show my manly stoicism when this fluffy velour keeps caressing my nipples? It's inhumane I tell you. At least give me a bra!"

Spock os: "You will tell us what we want to know... or the soundproof cage will be removed from the Russian X Factor reject."

Kirk: "Don't touch the fast forward, or we might get trapped in a Spaceballs paradox."

Spock: "I have ruined him for other men, Captain."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KIRK: Fingerpainting Spock. One of Earth's great pastimes.

MIRROR KIRK: Spock! Let me out of here so I can execute you!

BALD GUY: There has to be a more interesting name for this than the 'Pain box'.
OTHER BLUESHIRT: I can't think of any.
MIRROR CHEKOV: AHHGGHHH EXCRUCIATION CHAMBER!
BALD GUY: Did you hear something?

KIRK: A device that can kill someone from anywhere on the ship. How does it work?
WOMAN: Umm, it's called the transporter. I don't know why nobody else ever uses it that way, seems way better than phasers.

 

[Armored Saint]

MIRROR SPOCK: Arrest yourself!
MCCOY: Of course, I'm not Kim Cattrall, so nobody will ask me where the green-blooded wizard mind-melded me.

KIRK: Please Bones, be more concerned!
BONES: It's easy for you, you don't have simply the same fucking pair of pajamas as usual.

MIRROR-KIRK: What the hell are those pajamas.
MIRROR-BONES: Speak for yourself, it's the same old shit in my case.

In a world where everyone tries to kill everyone, a simple shower needs a whole security team.

 

[Armored Saint]

KIRK: Oooh. Chat Roulette awkwardness! Cancel, cancel!

CHEKOV (os): Nobody will shut down a Wussian inwention!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Heh. If only he knew we were watching him. I wonder what he's watching."
Marlena: "Us."

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "Enough's enough's Bones, we're taking your Breaking Bad bluray's away."

Spock: "You will remain behind this barrier until you lose a minimum of five kilos."

Kirk: "I'M NOT FAT !!!"

Chekov: "Yes yes yes yes ... oh God yes ... ahhhhhhh ... please more ..."

Spock (os): "The controls appear incorrectly set."

Spock: "Once they've been worked over by security chief Sulu, a man never the same again."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "I found him rambling around drunk in the crew-women's dorm again."
Drunken McCoy: "It's time for... It's time for their physicals, dammit!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Spock: I have arrested the doctor. The charge is, impersonating Karl Urban.

McCoy: Wait, WHAT?

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: Well Doctor? Have you determined yet who spit in the Captain's mustard?
McCoy: I told you it's impossible. The best we can do is tell you it apparently wasn't you.
Kirk: How do you know it wasn't me? Did you DNA test the Poupon?
McCoy: What the fu-
Kirk: DID YOU DNA TEST THE POUPON?!

In accordance with the Articles of the Federation for the treatment of prisoners, we demand snu-snu!

Captain's log, supplemental: thank Mister Spock for the foresight to install a space madness isolation booth on Enterprise. Will recommend them as a standard installation on the next class of starships.

....The victim, however, remains foolishly optimistic about his condition improving due to the sun coming out tomorrow. Poor bastard.

Moreau: You see, Captain - he's eerily silent now but five minutes ago he was trashing the room, sobbing and crying "Nyota." What does it mean?
Kirk: Who knows; I'll get O'Hura to search the database.

Spock: I caught him red-handed stealing my ear pointifier.
Kirk: An ear pointifier, Bones? Have you no pride?
Spock: Indeed - hey!

 

[jep]

"Yes, I pirate the signal, Captain. And we have no 'Brady Rule' in this universe."

"Sweet."


.

 

[Armored Saint]

JASMINE:...and this is Jafar.
ALADIN: But who are Abu and Iago?

 

[jep]

Kirk: "A meth lab, you say?"

McCoy: "Yes, Jim. And I've found evidence that my counterpart has been making ecstasy, LSD, rohypnol, cocaine, and some other shit I can't even begin to identify."


.

 

[phenyx2]

 

[Delta Vega]

Alright, whos been playing with the SpiroMatic ?

 

[Delta Vega]

Kirk............."Why am I lumbered with the away kit ?"