Difference between Americans and Swedes: we don't really find farts funny most of the time.
I actually do think they're funny. There is a fabulous quote: "You don't have to be smart to laugh at a fart, but you'd have to be stupid not to." Part of their charm is that they are a breech in etiquette, though, and so maintaining that etiquette 99% of the time is important!
A practicing believer in God would be the sum total of my list. That sorts out concerns about manners, respect, gentleness, charitability, and whether the person genuinely from the heart wants to do good, or is simply trying to impress those around him, or inflating his own ego. It also takes care of concerns regarding materialism/individualism, in that the spiritual life and character and good actions become the primary focus. This type of essence makes a person more trustworthy, reliable, and strong, in all areas of life. And it becomes possible to work together towards success in the next life, not just this one.
Not a guarantee, I'm well acquainted with the imperfections of life, it is simply a preferred starting point for me, personally. Some people like twinkling eyes or a lovely tall figure... piety, for me, is infinitely attractive.
You are a very nice person,
An Officer, so I don't think you meant to be unkind or prejudiced in your post. I also understand why worldview is important for a lot of people when finding a partner, so I don't begrudge you at all your requirement that someone be of similar religiosity to you. I think it would be hard for me to date someone who was not atheist or agnostic, even though I have many friends of varying kinds and degrees of religiosity. I may be wrong, but I just don't know that I could spend my life and my intimacy with someone who saw the world drastically differently to me.
That being said, try reading back what you wrote from the perspective of a non-believer. You've explicitly stated that manners, respect, gentleness, charity, trustworthiness, reliability, and strength are all given if a person is a believer (which is patently untrue), and implied that all these things are lacking in non-believers. Implying too, that nonbelievers do good only to impress others or inflate their own ego.
Do you see how, well...
horrible that is? If someone wrote all that about believers, and you read it, how would it make you feel?
None of those qualities are dependent upon belief, and there's loads of research showing that non-believers are just as law-abiding, generous, cheritable, trustworthy, etc. as believers are. There are plenty who would argue that it is the non-believer who does good for the sake of doing good, and the believer who does good only for reward or fear of punishment...how does that make you feel? Personally, I don't agree with that argument, but I understand why people make it: It gets exhausting being told you're a bad person just because you don't believe in god, however indirectly that telling is done. Even though I don't think you're an outright prejudiced person, it seems you have some underlying assumptions about non-believers that are wrong, and that are informing your opinion of them. Maybe you could examine them again, bearing in mind that we are just like you--the
only difference is that we don't believe in god, and that's not as big a difference as you think it is.
