Strangest Rejections....

[Use of Time]

If it was me, I'd find out how to contact her, and simply sasy, "I'm a guy, I was completely oblivious, and I'm very sorry". Might help her move on, and it's a 'good guy' thing to do.

<waits for others to say, "this is a bad idea"...>

Nah, I don't think so. We have mutual friends on Facebook but I have not tried to friend her. This was over 10 years ago. I'm married with two kids and I'm pretty sure she is married with a child now as well. I think I'm just going to leave this one alone. Like I said, I don't even really know her. I went to high school with her and gave her and her friends a ride one night. That's pretty much it. I didn't tell this story as a way to ask advice, I just thought it was food for thought pertaining to the topic. I don't feel particularly guilty over the situation as I never mistreated her or badmouthed her. I was always cordial with her when she greeted me at school. Just something to think about. She is obviously over it by now.

 

[Timewalker]

If it was me, I'd find out how to contact her, and simply sasy, "I'm a guy, I was completely oblivious, and I'm very sorry". Might help her move on, and it's a 'good guy' thing to do.

<waits for others to say, "this is a bad idea"...>

No, it's a good idea - just not applicable to this particular situation.

 

[Use of Time]

If it was me, I'd find out how to contact her, and simply sasy, "I'm a guy, I was completely oblivious, and I'm very sorry". Might help her move on, and it's a 'good guy' thing to do.

<waits for others to say, "this is a bad idea"...>

No, it's a good idea - just not applicable to this particular situation.

Yeah, that's my fault. I didn't really provide a timeframe but this incident is ancient history as far as I'm concerned. Wasn't trying to shoot you down Australis.

 

[Mr Awe]

If it was me, I'd find out how to contact her, and simply sasy, "I'm a guy, I was completely oblivious, and I'm very sorry". Might help her move on, and it's a 'good guy' thing to do.

<waits for others to say, "this is a bad idea"...>

Nah, I don't think so. We have mutual friends on Facebook but I have not tried to friend her. This was over 10 years ago. I'm married with two kids and I'm pretty sure she is married with a child now as well. I think I'm just going to leave this one alone. Like I said, I don't even really know her. I went to high school with her and gave her and her friends a ride one night. That's pretty much it. I didn't tell this story as a way to ask advice, I just thought it was food for thought pertaining to the topic. I don't feel particularly guilty over the situation as I never mistreated her or badmouthed her. I was always cordial with her when she greeted me at school. Just something to think about. She is obviously over it by now.

I agree, I think it was a great illustration of relevant points in this thread.

I don't have as dramatic of a story myself but at a high school reunion there was this one lady who attended. I didn't really know who she was other than the name was vaguely familiar but it became obvious that she had had a crush on me, which I had no idea. It wasn't until I had a chance to look in a year book did I recall exactly who she was.

At the reunion, we had a great conversation, very nice lady, and I wish I had known her better back in high school. But, our paths really didn't cross. At most we only spoke a few words during High School, which is a shame but there was no ill will on my part.

She wasn't bitter or anything. She had gotten married, had kids etc, so I think how their lives go really affects how they get over things like that.

Another girl from High School that I knew (and had a crush on myself), had a similar story to yours. Some other guy had a crush on her and years later just unleashed it on her about how she ruined his life over some minor event that shouldn't even remember!

Mr Awe

 

[ThankQ]

^ LOL!

At least you had a reason, no matter how silly seeming. Rejection without explanation is far worse, imho.

I don't understand why some people think they're entitled to an explanation.

"Meh, just not my thing." What's wrong with that?

 

[DonIago]

I don't see any indication that anyone feels entitled to an explanation, but if you're going to reject someone, IMO the least you can do is tell them why you feel it didn't work so that perhaps they might learn from the experience.

 

[Mr Awe]

Not sure what there is to learn from, you're not my type.

 

[ThankQ]

I don't see any indication that anyone feels entitled to an explanation, but if you're going to reject someone, IMO the least you can do is tell them why you feel it didn't work so that perhaps they might learn from the experience.

Because I'm not your dating guide, not your relationship advisor, not your pick-up coach and it's not my job to provide you with my assessment of your personality and emotional and physical make up.

You have learned that I do not want to go out with you. I don't see how that information is useful in any other situation other than you asking me out, and that's already over.

 

[DonIago]

You're right. I guess being a nice person and at least trying to help the person you're not interested in in some minimal manner is just crazy talk.

 

[Timewalker]

I don't see any indication that anyone feels entitled to an explanation, but if you're going to reject someone, IMO the least you can do is tell them why you feel it didn't work so that perhaps they might learn from the experience.

Because I'm not your dating guide, not your relationship advisor, not your pick-up coach and it's not my job to provide you with my assessment of your personality and emotional and physical make up.

You have learned that I do not want to go out with you. I don't see how that information is useful in any other situation other than you asking me out, and that's already over.

Sometimes the particular details do matter. If somebody asked me out to go to a bar, I'd say no. The reasons are these: I don't drink, and am not comfortable around people who are drunk (or determined to end up that way).

If that same person invited me for a walk in the park or a casual coffee-type outing, that would be different. I'd probably say yes.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I don't see any indication that anyone feels entitled to an explanation, but if you're going to reject someone, IMO the least you can do is tell them why you feel it didn't work so that perhaps they might learn from the experience.

You aren't owed an explanation. It's nice to get one, but you aren't entitled to it.

You don't owe anyone else an explanation either, though. It cuts both ways!

 

[ThankQ]

I don't see any indication that anyone feels entitled to an explanation, but if you're going to reject someone, IMO the least you can do is tell them why you feel it didn't work so that perhaps they might learn from the experience.

Because I'm not your dating guide, not your relationship advisor, not your pick-up coach and it's not my job to provide you with my assessment of your personality and emotional and physical make up.

You have learned that I do not want to go out with you. I don't see how that information is useful in any other situation other than you asking me out, and that's already over.

Sometimes the particular details do matter. If somebody asked me out to go to a bar, I'd say no. The reasons are these: I don't drink, and am not comfortable around people who are drunk (or determined to end up that way).

If that same person invited me for a walk in the park or a casual coffee-type outing, that would be different. I'd probably say yes.

In my experience, if she wants to say yes, she'll find a way to say yes: "I'm not much for bars, but there's an artzy coffeehouse around the corner..."

You're right. I guess being a nice person and at least trying to help the person you're not interested in in some minimal manner is just crazy talk.

Well, kinda, yeah. Some people just are't interested in some other people. I don't really think there's anything to "know".

She's not into you. Fine. That doesn't mean there is something about you that you need to fix or change, it just means you strike it up with someone else.

 

[Kestra]

You're right. I guess being a nice person and at least trying to help the person you're not interested in in some minimal manner is just crazy talk.

I think it could be easily taken badly, like you don't want to date them and you're going to tell them all the reasons why you don't find them attractive.

 

[ThankQ]

You're right. I guess being a nice person and at least trying to help the person you're not interested in in some minimal manner is just crazy talk.

I think it could be easily taken badly, like you don't want to date them and you're going to tell them all the reasons why you don't find them attractive.

Yeah, "no thank you" would be less an ego-blow than, "Well, let me tell you why I think you're not dating material. I'll give time to get a pen..."

 

[DonIago]

Personally, I'd much rather hear, "Sorry, you came on a bit strong and you remind me of my rapist ex-boyfriend." (yes yes, an extreme example) than, "Not interested, g'day!"

If I know I came on too strong then at least I can consider that the next time I'm interested in someone.

 

[O'Dib]

Personally, I'd much rather hear, "Sorry, you came on a bit strong and you remind me of my rapist ex-boyfriend." (yes yes, an extreme example) than, "Not interested, g'day!"

If I know I came on too strong then at least I can consider that the next time I'm interested in someone.

The next person might respond positively to the approach that hadn't worked on the previous one? Most women won't take it on themselves to assume they speak for the entire gender when rejecting you. "OK, but can I at least probe a bit further into your collective consciousness?"

 

[ThankQ]

"OK, but can I at least probe a bit further into your collective consciousness?"

That line's a panty-dropper if I ever heard one.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Personally, I'd much rather hear, "Sorry, you came on a bit strong and you remind me of my rapist ex-boyfriend." (yes yes, an extreme example) than, "Not interested, g'day!"

If I know I came on too strong then at least I can consider that the next time I'm interested in someone.

Why the heck would anyone give that level of explanation to someone they don't want to spend time with.

 

[DonIago]

...Amusing, but I think my point was pretty clear. I would rather have some information than no information.

Why not? It took me under a minute to type, and I've already said I think providing some explanation is more polite than none.

Frankly I think it would do society a world of good if people would be a bit more honest and communicative with each other.

 

[Kestra]

Honestly, it comes across as socially inappropriate if unsolicited.