TNG Caption This! 336: The Best of Both Blu-rays

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I'm starting a caption contest on saturday for once!

First up to the plate, we have the "Failed Mutiny" Award, going to:

Riker: So it's decided. At 0400, Data will shut down internal comms, I'll override security from the bridge, and Worf will go into Picard's quarters and finish him off. We'll finally be free of that miserable, petty old tyrant!

Picard (O/S): Uh, Number One? I'm just in the next room. I can hear you.

Riker: I think the captain suspects something! We'd better make it 0200.

Picard (O/S): <sigh>

Next, we have the "Medical Examiner" Award, going to:

FEMALE ENSIGN (Offscreen): I don't know what happened, he was just so insistent and I...
BEVERLY: Don't worry Ensign. I'm ruling this justifiable homocide.

Next, we have the "Revenge of the Q's!" Award, going to:

Q: Hey Worf! Hey Worf! Wait up. I did your science homework and I'll finish that essay for English by tonight. Maybe we could hang out later? Wouldn't that be cool?

Next, we have the "The Tale of Sir Jean-Luc" Award, going to:

Picard: One day lad, this will all be yours.
Wesley: The Trek BBS forums?
Picard: ...no, not the forums...

Next, we have the "Hide and Seek" Award, going to:

DATA: Commander, we have been hiding here for three days, nine hours, twenty three minutes and forty seven seconds with no sign of the others. By my estimation the human attention span is fairly short. I believe they have given up their pursuit quite some time ago and that it would be safe to emerge.

RIKER: Quiet Data. I'm not gonna lose this game of hide and seek just because you cant keep quiet.

Chief Medical Officer's Log: Having just been told by the Captain I'm going to be replaced I just can't be arsed any more. Thank God for malpractice insurance.

Picard: ...and basically you let everyone else do the work for you.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, I've been looking forward to this for awhile, TrekCore recently put up their "Best of Both Worlds Part 1" Blu-ray screencaps and we're going to have "Best of Both Worlds Part 1" Blu-ray caption contest!

Let's begin!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Picard to Bridge, Mister Data, Facetime is down again.

Picard: I don't mean to be rude, but this is MY spot.

Data: Oh, why Miley, Why?

Picard: Why did LeadHead put 2 pictures of people reading devices into this contest? Is he crazy?

Worf: Sorry, Commander. We accidentally left your favorite Phaser over there. Also, we didn't get the Captain.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Those liars, they said I could get a signal out here!

WORF: While we're waiting, I thought you might enjoy some pictures of my vacation in Minsk.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Windows 2367: Federation Blue Screen Of Death.

Data: Perhaps this device is malfunctioning. It persists in informing me that its reply is hazy and that I must try again.

Shelby: Note to the galley. Three-bean salad no longer to be served in the officer's mess.

Crewman: I'm sorry, sir. I don't know how that happened.

Picard: Am I to understand that...there's only ONE cup?

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Shelby: I've explained this before, Captain. You're not a Vulcan, and that doesn't work!

Data: She is breaking up with me by text message? I may not be well-versed in romantic relationships, but I believe that is generally considered rude.

Crewman: I really need that back, sir.

Picard: One moment, crewman. I've almost got all those damn pigs!

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: Tne Borg are attacking Wolf 359. On the bright side, if our bearings are correct we should be receiving the original broadcast of Captain Kangaroo within the hour.
Picard: Splendid!

Picard: Don't stand too close to Mister Data. He farts a lot.

According to these readings I should activate my wedgie maintenance subroutine.

Picard: Well implausible or not I want the computer to have KITT's voice from Knight Rider.

Security Officer's log, supplemental: If this were a Klingon ship I would let one go right now.

 

[shivkala]

Text on Screen: FBI Warning Interstellar law provides severe civil and criminal penalties for the unauthorized reproduction, distribution or exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures, video tapes, DVDs or holodeck programs. Criminal copyright infringement is investigated by the FBI and may constitute a felony with a maximum penalty of up to five years in prison and/or a 250,000 latinum fine.

Picard: You seem tense, Commander. How about you and I retreat to my ready room, I grab some massage oils, and show you the Picard stress relief maneuver.

Data: Second Officer's Log: I have finished my survey in milliseconds, but the humans are taking too long. Therefore, I am engaging in sleep mode until these hairless apes take their sweet-ass time to figure out that it was the Borg.

Even in the 24th Century, one cannot escape having to look at family pictures of co-worker's children.

Riker: How did the away mission go, Lt.?

Worf: Sir, I'm just asking...how much, exactly, do you want the Captain back? I mean, the way I see it, you get an immediate promotion, we no longer have to pretend we don't notice he and the Doctor are humping like bunnies behind our backs, and let's face it, he was kind of a dick...

Riker: Damn it, Worf, enough excuses! He's still the Captain! Turn around, go back to the Borg Sphere, and don't return until you've got the Captain!

 

[Finn]

Worf: If you squint and stare for 20 seconds, the Klingon Emblem will appear!

Picard: Forget Wesley. Data has a thing for blondes.

*moves tricorder in an 8 figure*

Picard: Wow, an app for seeing what Geordi sees

 

[inflatabledalek]

Worf: And as you just saw, our Borg episodes were definitely better than Voyagers.

Shelby:...And a proper Shakespearean actor like you could do so much better...

Picard: Look, I know you're hoping I leave so they make you a regular, but have you seen how this show treats its female characters?

Data: Life forms... you precious little life forms... Hmmm, catchy tune, must remember to sing it when there are others around the first chance I get.

Stewart: Aw, that's sweet. Take this back to Rick and tell him this offer could do with a lot more zeros in it if he wants me to stay.

Bloke: But it's already got a lot of zeros in it.

Stewart: Good point, maybe a few more numbers in front of them then? Unless he really thinks "Captain Riker" will work.

Shelby: Nice ass.

 

[Armored Saint]

Worf's personnal log: Requiring medical and androidal support during this intimate assignment with Lieutenant Commander Shelby definetely conviced me that I need a Klingon woman. Klingon women are so sweet and fragile.
Shelby: Where are you going Big Boy, Doctor Love and Cybernetic Male? You still have to complete this assignment.

Picard: Picard to Data! Can you find who synthesized so much butt rounding hormones?

Data: According to these readings about the new contest, "butt and fart" factor is still really high.

Picard: Sorry for this computer malfunction Shelby, you really didn't have to know about Hanson old man's fantasies.

 

[Mojochi]

Worf: And this one I call "Feathered Infinity"

Picard: It's an aft display Commander. You're still facing the front of the ship. You're aware it's a viewscreen & not a window, right?

Ahh. The old holodeck/real planet site to site transport switcheroo. We'll see how far you get this time, When I lock you out of the helm

Picard: Ah... I see Ensign, but shouldn't you be handing this to someone who works down here?

Most awkward double date......... ever

 

[Armored Saint]

Riker: Since Netflix put Red Is the New Gold offline, we can try this new season of Arrested Developpment, sir.
Worf: Sir, I must protest! Ferengi comedy is wihout honor. House of Kor would be a more appropriate choice.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WORF: How long is this loading screen? I'm eager to play this new game.
RIKER: The loading screen hasn't started yet. It's installing a system update.
WORF: Bah! Every generation of consoles seems to get slower!

SHELBY: When Commander Riker takes his new command, I'll be Captain of this vessel.
PICARD: You mean Commander.
SHELBY: Oops, sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. On an unrelated subject, have you heard how awesome it is to be an Admiral? All my Admiral friends RAVE about it.

PICARD (OS): Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? ...Data. Data? I thought at least YOU'D stay awake.

PICARD: I haven't had acne this bad since I was a teenager.

SHELBY: (Thinking) Thank God Worf was in the turbolift too. They'll always blame the Klingon.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Due to a technical difficulty, all our communications will be delivered as a puppet show.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Unfortunately, Starfleet's personnel shortage means that we will have to install this mannequin as our temporary first officer.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Ship's Computer: Transmission suspended. Please insert seven credits for the next five minutes.

Data: Words with Friends is not very fun without friends.

Crewman: This petition has over a hundred signatures on it, sir. All of us noncoms just want the cool season three uniforms too!

Worf: Seven Minutes in Heaven does NOT have a doubles variant!

Picard: Somehow, watching this episode in standard definition just doesn't cut it anymore...

 

[Mistral]

Picard: "I see Madame Tussaud has been here..."

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: You'll want to stand back. Ensign Crusher has the best sideboob peripheral vision on the ship.

Worf: Computer, play Stayin' Alive.

Crewman: So you see, sir, the analysis indicates it was Commander Riker who was beaming his excess assfat and beard hair into my transporter pattern.

Picard: I knew no one could eat that many space donuts every day and fit into his uniform!

Strange, Geordi, I don't remember CC'ing the crew this picture of Spot evacuating in Commander Riker's Trombone. Geordi? Everyone? Hello?

Picard: Who has the remote?
Beverly: I put it on that shelf over there.
Picard: Dammit! 24th century and women still don't get it!

 

[Holdfast]

SHELBY: Seriously, you guys still use screensavers?

SHELBY: Touch me again, and I sue.

TRICORDER READING: To Be Continued...
DATA (thinking): NOOOOO! I hate it when they do that!

PICARD: Sure, you're on a better network, but my PADD came with the exclusive "Captain's Colour" case.

SHELBY: Hmm. Firmer than mine. Better assign him to a dangerous Away Team soon.

 

[Mojochi]

Worf: At this point, the accusations in Ensign Lefler's harassment suit against Cmdr. Riker will become clear... as the puppets will now demonstrate