All I Got Left is My THREAD BOMBS!

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did.'"

 

"I used to think about saving for retirement, but what's the point when the ninja-pirate-zombie-robot apocalypse is going to kick in any day now? I've put all my savings into high-powered rifles, canned goods, and Red Bull."

 

"I once bit into a nice crispy juicey peach. Only it wasn't a peach. It was a human head"

 

"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming."

 

The scary thing about this is there are doomsday preppers out there that actually do this.

 

“Consider the daffodil. And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.”

 

LOVE this.

 

Epic.

 

^

 

^
I'd watch it.

 

Especially if they discover fire.

Da.....BEARSSS

 

Blythe Danner and Joe Don?

That won't end well. Nor in sanitary fashion.

 

^ ABORT ABORT ABORT

 

I made this in honor of Disney securing the rights to make future Indiana Jones films. Here's their first film:

 

Zippety-doo-damn, that's a good one.

 

And here's the sequel: