TOS Caption Contest #270: The Immunity Caption

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Spock: "You decide, Doctor. Which of us looks more like James Dean?"

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "I hate to admit it, Spock, but you're right on both counts. He'll get over the Rigellian Fever... <brief pause> ...but he won't get over himself."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: He's getting all thoughtful and introspective again.

MCCOY: Then do that Vulcan hoodoo and make him forget the chick like all the rest.

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "OK, here's your dose of humility."

<brief pause>

McCoy: "However, I don't expect too much. You're really too far gone."

Kirk: "Get a grip, Mister. You don't have to worry about getting injured for the time being...our schedule is quiet for the next few days."

Scotty: "Well, I didna have to worry until ye came upon the scene. Thanks to ye, I don't think I'm going to be throwing out any 'first pitches' this spring."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kirk: "Scotty! I know this doesn't make any sense, but... you've been elected Pope."

Scotty: "Borgias frat!"

-

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: What do you mean the beer's gone!

 

[Triskelion]

If you run across a bunch of angry Swedish lacrosse players - you haven't seen me!

Uhura: Message from Starfleet Command, sir. We're to divert to Viagara IV for an emergency -

Kirk: Conn new heading two-seven-three mark thirty-six! Warp nine engage. Doctor we need stimulants for the crew, stimulants! Chekov prepare shuttle for departure at oh-three-hundred. Bridge to Spock, prepare for away mission Code Blue Orangutan, repeat Code Blue Orangutan.

Spock: Affirmative, Captain. I will make the necessary modifications to the field research equipment.

Kirk<Sitting, hits shipwide>: This is the Captain. Emergency stations. Let's look alive people! Standby.

McCoy: Sick bay to bridge, what the devil is - I'm a doctor not a, not a -

Kirk: Roulette marble. Sit tight, Doctor. Spock will be along to collect you and a few specimen jars. Bridge out.

Sulu: Captain the heading is taking us around a dark matter cluster with anomalous neutrino spikes playing havoc with the subspace navigational array -

Kirk: Refraxillate the duotronic capacitance in the lateral field emission grid. Rotate subspace variance to oh point three eight gigahertz and get Mister Scott to schedule a level one diagnostic before the warp coil feedback burns out auxiliary circuits.

Sulu <madly pressing buttons>: Aye, that's doing it captain. Warp nine, sir.

Kirk: Nice work Mister Sulu! Steady as she goes! Yeoman - coffee! Folgers Crystals! Hot! We're Starfleet officers, dammit!

Uhura: - diplomatic mission.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Uhura: "Is it true?! This uniform is supposed to include pants?!"
Kirk: "Sorry. I guess I forgot to mention that."

 

[Mr. Adventure]

"Chapel, your collar and insignia are not regulation."
"Yeah, well tell the Captain to do something about it."

"Dammit Jim, you're not being reasonable!"

 

[Haggis and tatties]

Kirk: "Scotty we are going to travel back in time to bring back two humpbacks into the future"
Scotty: "Humpback....People?"
Kirk:"Whales scotty, whales."
Scotty" Welsh humpback people?"

Bones: Do you know what i had to go through to get hold of those glasses, and the first chance you get to travel back in time, you go and pawn them, you inconsiderate, green blooded....!!!
Kirk " I am sure that bus driver short changed me"

McCoy "Angels and ministers of grace preserve us"
Chapel " Dr wouldn't actual treatment help these people more than quotes from shakespeare?

Uhura: Captain, I'm receiving whale song.
Kirk : I'm sure McCoy has some cream for that".

Gillian "Hi, i'm Gillian, i'm thought i would join you all in the future."
McCoy: "This is a innoculation shot for all the diseases she brought with her from the 20th that we are now all open to attack from, nice one Jim"

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Gillian "Hi, i'm Gillian, i'm thought i would join you all in the future."
McCoy: "This is a innoculation shot for all the desease she brought with her from the 20th that we are now all open to attack from, nice one Jim"

Now, that's an immunity caption!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "I hate to admit it, Captain, but I'm not as young as I once was. My memory's not what it used to be. I'm gonna hafta put some labels on these control panels."

 

[Isis]

Uhura: "It's that Galt guy. He wants his suspenders back."

After male enhancement surgery was done on the wrong patient, the Enterprise instituted a policy of mandatory wristbands on all patients admitted to sick bay.

 

[T'Girl]

Scotty: "Captain, the ship going to blow up in less than a minute."

Kirk: "My God Scotty ... (pause) ... have you been work out?"

 

[Finn]

McCoy: You're set, Jim
Kirk: *glances at his hand and makes a fist* Okay..looks good
McCoy: Damn it, Jim! That was only that one time! Get over it!

 

[Triskelion]

Chapel: Doctor, are you sure this patient is scheduled for a testicle shave?
McCoy: That's what the computer says. Oops, looks like I'm due for my pap smear.
Chapel: Did paying for all your college homework cost a lot?
McCoy: Never mind that, I can afford it now. Go fetch me the stirrups and sterilize the sterilizer.
Chapel: Yes, Doctor.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Ever have Andorian Shingles?

KIRK: No.

MCCOY: Well you do now.

UHURA: Looks like your date is canceled.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "I don't much like this, Bones. Uhura is supposed to be on duty when she's on the bridge, but she spends most of her time gabbing with her pal from the medical department."
McCoy: "Glass houses, Jim."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: How long has Spock been blonde and female?

MCCOY: That's just the LDS talking.

 

[Triskelion]

Doctor: This will silence the voice of anyone talking smack about you.
All women on bridge: <Mouths talk with no voices>
Doctor: Ahem, it's a placebo.
All women on bridge: <Pause, then resume talk with no voices>