Data: As you can see, Captain, the apparatus is designed to redirect molecular cohesion by converting subspace anion flux around symmetrical triaxilating waveguide nodes. However I have detected that in application, the proposed elongation effects are offset by an inverse loss of girth.
Geordi: In short, it doesn't work.
Data: Is that not what I just said?
Picard: There's $29.95 down the sonic toilet.
