Question for the Parents on TrekBBS

[Kenbushway]

I was in a discussion on Huffington Post were I was debating that spanking was a valid punishment, at least when its not done to excess because than it can become abuse. I was spanked myself, I certainly think its works if done right; teaches right and wrong effectively. I was told what I did wrong and how I can avoid it next time along with my spanking.
So I am wondering is there any parents that practice it anymore?
Is it pretty much thought of as abuse now?

 

[trekkiedane]

Not a parent myself, but my sister and my best friend are...

Yes, violence against children -be it physical or emotional- is considered abuse these days! -No wonder we turned out how we did... back then it was OK to hit your kids or yell at them

 

[Deckerd]

Hitting defenceless children isn't an answer to anything. I didn't hit mine and she's fine.

The only time I did was when she was about 15 and she was talking to me while I was watching something on TV so I wasn't paying attention. She got angry and kicked me hard on the shin. I don't think she meant to do it that hard but any way I stood up and slapped her face. That's the sorry story of violence in our house.

 

[Tosk]

The only time I did was when she was about 15 and she was talking to me while I was watching something on TV so I wasn't paying attention. She got angry and kicked me hard on the shin. I don't think she meant to do it that hard but any way I stood up and slapped her face. That's the sorry story of violence in our house.

Out of curiosity, do you consider yourself a better parent than those who spank? (I assume so, considering your wording of your first sentence.)

The reason I ask is because you hit your child in the face out of anger, and my father spanked my bottom as punishment but he never did it angry.

 

[Deckerd]

I slapped her face to make sure she didn't go round kicking people. There's a difference. I often got very angry with her but we have a brain for a reason and if you use it properly you can always outsmart a child, simply because they don't have your experience.

 

[Tosk]

I slapped her face to make sure she didn't go round kicking people. There's a difference.

I got spanked to teach me not to do something again. (The main one I remember was for playing with matches.) What is the difference you speak of?

 

[Deckerd]

You implied that I only lashed out at her because I was angry.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I only spanked my children when they did something dangerous and they were too young to reason with.

For example, early one morning I woke up to the sound of water running. I quickly got and went to investigate, saw that water was flowiing out from the bathroom. I went in and found that my second son (the intellectually disabled one) was in the bath with both taps turned on. After pulling him out of the bath and turning the taps off I slapped him hard three or four times on the back of the legs as he could have drowned or scalded himself.

When the children were older I tended to make them stand in the corner if they misbehaved. i even did it once in a cafe when my eldest son played up and a couple of other diners and the cafe owner thanked me for it.


PS - I didn't vote because I think that spanking is very occasionally a valid frm of punishment but generally speaking it isn't.

 

[Tosk]

You implied that I only lashed out at her because I was angry.

You're right. I mistook the mention of her anger for yours, and I apologize.

But is there a difference between my father hitting my bottom and you hitting her face?

 

[Deckerd]

Only inasmuch as she was as big as I was, so the balance was a lot more even. She could have decked me if that was her intent. As it was she was completely shocked, which was my intention. I didn't actually hurt her. I'm way too much of a wuss.

 

[Pingfah]

I was spanked as a child, but not excessively, just when I did things like run out into the road. I don't specifically remember it happening, but my parents tell me it did.

By far the worst spanking I ever had was off a teacher though, even though I was only 6 (so 30 years ago) I remember it very well because it was extremely hard and hurt a lot, it was the only time a teacher had ever hit me before or since, and I had actually not done the thing I was being spanked for.

I did tell my parents, but they didn't believe that a teacher would smack me without being certain I had done what they thought I had.

I am not a parent, so I won't vote.

 

[Mary Ann]

I only spanked my children when they did something dangerous and they were too young to reason with.

Same here. My kids got a smack on the butt if they were in danger of running into traffic or anything along those lines. The short, sharp shock made sure they learned their lesson. I perfected The Voice and The Stare early on, and they usually did the trick.

 

[Bigjoe]

I've smacked my Children, but only as a last resort. Felt guilty as hell afterwards.

My Mother did the same to me and it bloody worked. My behaviour soon improved.

 

[1001001]

We have two children (18 and 10). I never spanked either one. I don't believe in it.

There are lots of reasons for this, but ultimately I think if you have to hit a child to get them to do what you want, they've outsmarted you.

 

[Deckerd]

BTW full marks Kenb for an excellent thread topic.

 

[lurok]

I've seen several of my liberal friends who forswore chastisement now deliver a very gentle smack to their errant toddlers. Usually back of hand or leg. Roads and good intentions, I guess. Still surprising to see though. Considered a no-no.

 

[thestrangequark]

Generally I don't think spanking is necessary or valid. There is plenty of research showing that people who were spanked as children are less successful in school, socially, and in the working world as adults than those who were not spanked. It's only a correlation, but it's something to think about.

Generally violence begets violence.

However, I've used generally very consciously, as I think there are circumstances when spanking, while still maybe not the best choice, is justifiable -- or at the very least, understandable. And I don't think parents who occasionally spank their kids are bad parents or should necessarily be chastised. I don't think as a regular recourse it is particularly effective, but, as Miss Chicken pointed out, sometimes children do things that are dangerous and are too young to be reasoned with. My mom hit me when I ran out in the road at age 2. She hit me twice growing up, and when your mother hits you only twice in your whole childhood, those instances stand out.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Generally violence begets violence.

However, I've used generally very consciously, as I think there are circumstances when spanking, while still maybe not the best choice, is justifiable -- or at the very least, understandable. And I don't think parents who occasionally spank their kids are bad parents or should necessarily be chastised. I don't think as a regular recourse it is particularly effective, but, as Miss Chicken pointed out, sometimes children do things that are dangerous and are too young to be reasoned with. My mom hit me when I ran out in the road at age 2. She hit me twice growing up, and when your mother hits you only twice in your whole childhood, those instances stand out.

I think this generally sums it up. I'm opposed to smacking or spanking, and won't be using it on my own children, but there's a big difference between an occasional smack intended to emphasise dangerous or truly unacceptable behaviour in the very young and an actual policy of correcting behaviour through violence. They're not really comparable. Which is why, though I'm against physical punishment and would strongly urge others not to use it at all, I don't think smacking should be illegal, and I wouldn't say a parent who smacks occasionally is abusive. I disagree with their perspective, but that's rather irrelevant. And as you say, parents who smack in exceptional circumstances have understandable reasons for doing so.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I occasionally spanked my kids when they were younger, always as an immediate corrective action when they were about to do or had done something dangerous. As others have described, it's basically a light swat to get their attention, rather than a painful punishment. Now that they're a bit older, there is no good reason to put my hands on them. They can communicate just fine and they can understand when I want them to do (or not do) something. I can also punish them by taking away privileges. There's just no need to hit them.

My parents used spanking as punishment after the fact, which I never found very effective for anything. I just got better at not getting caught. It didn't "fix" any behavior.

 

[bluedana]

I have three children. I spanked them as the nuclear option when it was important to get across the idea that they could never, ever do whatever it was they did again. Generally the threat of a spanking (I did the silent countdown on my fingers until they self-corrected) was enough. The younger ones learned impulse control fairly early. The oldest one practiced bad behavior IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations) so his spanking encounters were more frequent. Correcting that kid's behavior was like playing Whac-a-mole.

My mother spanked me (she had a belt dedicated to that purpose). It worked for me.