I should have known better in the first place.
What the hell is McCoy doing on the bridge?
- Thread starter Mister Atoz
- Start date
I should have known better in the first place.
You're thinking of "Mind-Sifter." That's always been one of my favorite short stories - and it did start out as fanfic. I saw a different version online (presumably the original, before it was edited for professional publication).
All the best looking chicks were on the bridge. That's why he spent so much time hanging around up there. 
I like to imagine he was a bit like Snoopy as 'Joe Cool' in those old Peanuts comic strips: wearing a pair of shades, leaning against a bulkhead, saying to himself "Here's Joe McCoy, hanging around the dorm eyeing all the beautiful chicks -- who loves ya, sweetie?"
I like to imagine he was a bit like Snoopy as 'Joe Cool' in those old Peanuts comic strips: wearing a pair of shades, leaning against a bulkhead, saying to himself "Here's Joe McCoy, hanging around the dorm eyeing all the beautiful chicks -- who loves ya, sweetie?"
That's right. We want to see DeForest Kelley interacting with Shatner and Nimoy and the other actors, not just hear a disembodied, filtered voice from the intercom.
SHIP'S MEDICAL LOG - CHIEF SURGEON McCOY - CONFIDENTIAL:
[excerpted]
Mission year 1: During one of our very first voyages, the captain was FREAKING SPLIT IN TWO! One was like all wimpy and stuff, but the other half attempted rape. We managed to glue him back together, but damn! Now I'm going to have to watch him all the time in case he splits again. I'll need to be on the bridge, when I should instead be in sickbay.
Mission year 2: Okay, just the fifth mission out and our first officer turns all salmon has has to go upstream to Vulcan and spawn. I was just going to give him Prozac, but no, he gets brain fever or something and tries to kill the captain with a Vulcan necktie. Need I add that now I'm going to have to be on the bridge even MORE, in case the urge comes back? And guess who doesn't get a raise for all the extra work... Hold on, computer, prepare to pause recording: a super-powerful space robot the size of a Hoover just took away the comm officers's mind. Including her security clearances. We're reinstalling it all, but who knows what happened to the codes? Sigh. Back to the bridge full-time AGAIN. I'm a doctor, not a security guard!
Mission year 3: As if I wasn't practically married to the bridge already, on our very first mission this year I had to reinstall the first officer's freaking BRAIN! Do you have any idea how many months of damn near full-time therapy that's going to require? Hmmm, and guess which fleet has never given yours truly a good budget to hire more staff? The captain wanted me to move in with the pointy-eared #&$#* to keep an eye on him 24/7, but he let me off with simply being on the bridge nearly every mission. Like that's a big treat? He still won't give me my own chair! Everyone else on the freaking bridge gets a chair, even Ensign Leslie, who I swear has spoken aboard ship only once. But nooooo, I'm stuck again leaning on the railings, like some hunched goof.
Anyway, I tried to get the captain drunk, like I always do, but -- major fail. He refused to budge.
I swear, when we get back to earth I'm going to grow a beard and go camping.
[excerpted]
Mission year 1: During one of our very first voyages, the captain was FREAKING SPLIT IN TWO! One was like all wimpy and stuff, but the other half attempted rape. We managed to glue him back together, but damn! Now I'm going to have to watch him all the time in case he splits again. I'll need to be on the bridge, when I should instead be in sickbay.
Mission year 2: Okay, just the fifth mission out and our first officer turns all salmon has has to go upstream to Vulcan and spawn. I was just going to give him Prozac, but no, he gets brain fever or something and tries to kill the captain with a Vulcan necktie. Need I add that now I'm going to have to be on the bridge even MORE, in case the urge comes back? And guess who doesn't get a raise for all the extra work... Hold on, computer, prepare to pause recording: a super-powerful space robot the size of a Hoover just took away the comm officers's mind. Including her security clearances. We're reinstalling it all, but who knows what happened to the codes? Sigh. Back to the bridge full-time AGAIN. I'm a doctor, not a security guard!
Mission year 3: As if I wasn't practically married to the bridge already, on our very first mission this year I had to reinstall the first officer's freaking BRAIN! Do you have any idea how many months of damn near full-time therapy that's going to require? Hmmm, and guess which fleet has never given yours truly a good budget to hire more staff? The captain wanted me to move in with the pointy-eared #&$#* to keep an eye on him 24/7, but he let me off with simply being on the bridge nearly every mission. Like that's a big treat? He still won't give me my own chair! Everyone else on the freaking bridge gets a chair, even Ensign Leslie, who I swear has spoken aboard ship only once. But nooooo, I'm stuck again leaning on the railings, like some hunched goof.
Anyway, I tried to get the captain drunk, like I always do, but -- major fail. He refused to budge.
I swear, when we get back to earth I'm going to grow a beard and go camping.
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To be clear, I thought it was great having McCoy on the bridge(and on away teams for that matter) too, he was a funny guy and could give Kirk crap like no one else would.
But even as administrator rather than hands-on, he'd still be running it from sickbay. Plus, I think he thought of himself as an "old country doctor," so you'd think given the choice, he'd be happier dealing with patients than on the bridge dealing with ship-to-ship situations.
Jayrath: LOL!!
One thing you'll never hear: "I'm a Doctor, not an executive level command advisor!"
One thing we did hear: "I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist."
Another thing we heard: "He's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, if not insanity!"
~ Mr Atoz, the genuine replica
One thing you'll never hear: "I'm a Doctor, not an executive level command advisor!"
One thing we did hear: "I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist."
Another thing we heard: "He's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, if not insanity!"
~ Mr Atoz, the genuine replica
Also remember, Kirk was McCoy's best buddy. When Bones wasn't busy, he was hanging out because Kirk let him. Kirk didn't exactly run the tightest ship in the fleet, how many episodes ended with everyone falling around laughing? A lot of the time, Bones is palling around. I'm sure if there was something vital going on in Sick Bay, he'd be down taking care of it. Otherwise, he's a bit of a slacker. In Conscience of the King, he's more concerned with tying one on than listening to the XO voice concerns about the captain.
Non issue.
Non issue.
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Clearly, Nurse Chapel deserved a raise.
Well, since they don't use money in the 23rd century, they'll have to pay her in beer.
Or, have Spock pay her a "personal" visit.
Clearly, Nurse Chapel deserved a raise.
Well, since they don't use money in the 23rd century, they'll have to pay her in beer.
Or, have Spock pay her a "personal" visit.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
Agreed. I always thought Kirk wanted him there. Kirk relied on his council and advice.
Now, when Spock was in command, that's another story. McCoy rode Spock mercilessly. It was brutal. Spock had the patients of a saint.
Well, Commodore, that's very well expressed. In fact, McCoy was asked to leave the bridge on two occasions (usually under stress but delivering a nicely comedic effect)... When Commodore Decker in Doomsday says indelicately "You may leave the bridge, Doctor." And the other occasion is when Spock is telling McCoy to go back to sickbay to work on his Therigan derivative.
"Please leave that to me, Dr. McCoy. I realize that the crew are your prime concern. You can best serve them in your laboratory. I urge you to confine yourself to it until a remedy has been found."
I can't ever recall Kirk asking McCoy to leave the bridge, can you?
~ Atoz
"Please leave that to me, Dr. McCoy. I realize that the crew are your prime concern. You can best serve them in your laboratory. I urge you to confine yourself to it until a remedy has been found."
I can't ever recall Kirk asking McCoy to leave the bridge, can you?
~ Atoz
.... just two hundred years after grammar died out.
And yet, McCoy was an inch away from relieving Kirk of command in Obsession.
Interesting pecking order, or perhaps there's a lot more respect for age in the 23rd century (Spock probably being older than McCoy, and McCoy older than Kirk). Then again, there's "The Deadly Years," where advancing age is the object of either fear or ridicule.
And good riddance to them. I once ran 'Twas the Night Before Christmas through one of those things and it corrected to: "The chimney with care hanged the stockings."
"What the h3ll is McCoy doing on the bridge?"
"Standing..."
"I can see that!"
"Odd, that McCoy standing there. I wonder where he's from?"
"Perhaps he came from next door."
"Next door?! The bridge doesn't even have a 'next' door! It only has the single turbolift!"
"Perhaps he comes from StarFleet?"
"If he did, he'd have 'property of StarFleet' stamped on him."
"No he wouldn't! You can't 'stamp' a huge Kzinti!"
"They stamp them when they're small!"
"Do Kzinti molt?"
"No, and neither do humans!"
"Oy, that argument went nowhere."
"Aye, we need a military type to come in here and end this sketch on account of being 'silly'."
"Can't we do it ourselves?"
"We don't have the rank."
"Perhaps if we just stop talking?"
"That'll do."
"..."
"..."
Sincerely,
Bill
"Standing..."
"I can see that!"
"Odd, that McCoy standing there. I wonder where he's from?"
"Perhaps he came from next door."
"Next door?! The bridge doesn't even have a 'next' door! It only has the single turbolift!"
"Perhaps he comes from StarFleet?"
"If he did, he'd have 'property of StarFleet' stamped on him."
"No he wouldn't! You can't 'stamp' a huge Kzinti!"
"They stamp them when they're small!"
"Do Kzinti molt?"
"No, and neither do humans!"
"Oy, that argument went nowhere."
"Aye, we need a military type to come in here and end this sketch on account of being 'silly'."
"Can't we do it ourselves?"
"We don't have the rank."
"Perhaps if we just stop talking?"
"That'll do."
"..."
"..."
Sincerely,
Bill
The stakes were considerably higher.
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