DS9 Caption Contest 69; The Slog

[Ln X]

Sorry for the slight delay, I am still recovering from the The Room but there was strength left in me to commence the next caption contest and pick the winners.

What would Jack Donaghy do?

Kira: Who's that half Cardassian/Bajorian?
Dukat: Ah... that's my daughter... Kira Ziyal.... your mother and I were.... well you have a half sister!
Kira: What?!
Dukat: You may call me daddy.

Martok: That's where we'll have the threesome

Dax - I am a bit short tonight...

Quark - Thats OK you can pay in umox....

Dax - In your dreams.

Worf -In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit...

Dax - Really? That's the book you picked for distracting me from my curent predicament?

///

Our special award goes to...

Kira and Dukat scout out the secret Deep Space Nine character clubhouse...

Kira: "I don't believe it. Even Mora Pol got an invite. He's, like, in two episodes!"

Dukat: "Is that...George Primmin?"

And our photoshop winner is...

Jadzia: Go on without me Worf. I'll only slow you down. Just erm, leave me my bag

Worf: Ok (picks bag up and spills contents) What's this?

Jadzia: Erm... it's not mine. It was Curzons. I must have picked it up by mistake.

Worf: It's dated this year

Jadzia: Erm... shut up and pass it here!

///


With the winners chosen, we move on to the theme of this contest; the slog. Undoubtedly the every day rigours of duty, tasks and chores must get to our main characters...

The next contest will take place on the 28th of January, until then enjoy!

 

[NX-01]

Thanks for the win!

 

[The Mole]

Thanks for the win. I'm glad you liked it

 

[Use of Time]

Bashir: "Chief, I think you just hit the "link to facebook" option on that Andorian porn website."
O'Brien: "Oh...my...God."

Odo: "My God, Nerys look at this. What was O'Brien thinking."
Nerys *shake her head, "You think you know a guy."

Sisko: "Miles we need to talk."
Nerys: "Why Andorian porn Chief?"
Dax: "I don't know. I think it's kind of hot."
O'Brien: "Sir my wife is going to kill me."
Sisko: "Relax Chief, it couldn't be that bad."

Jake: "My dad was wrong it is that bad."
Bashir: "I'll help him if she ever stops hitting him."

Worf: "Did I miss anything while I was on vacation."
Morn: "Well that Chief O'Brien guy is dead now."

 

[Ln X]

Bashir: The nacelles on the runabout went round and round, round and-
O'Brien: Ssh! I'm writing!
Bashir: Miles, for the sake of your dignity you have to drop this poetry lark...

Odo thinking: she's even beautiful when she sulks!

Jake: I didn't think gathering medical supplies would be this dangerous!
Bashir: It's not all glamour being a CMO you know, sometimes you have to turn to the underworld for items of a special nature...

O'Brien: What's this?
Sisko: Remedial classes for station operations.

Worf: (muttering) I must not use Morn's head as a bongo, I must not use Morn's head as a bongo, I must not...

 

[bullethead]

O'Brien prank rule #5: Pretend to be busy with something while the mark gets his food. That way he'll never suspect that you tampered with the replicator.

Odo: Major, do you realize that all these pads basically say nothing? And that your foot is on my desk?

Jake and Bashir's run at the Alamo had disastrous consequences.

The Engineer's Plight - Paperwork.

Morn's strategy for dealing with Worf - chug the rest of his drink and hope Worf wouldn't notice that it was the last of the prune juice.

O'Brien: I don't believe this...
Bashir: What?
O'Brien: Someone's made erotic fiction about us.

Odo: Unfortunately Major, I can't really do anything about this. FedChan is an anonymous site and all I can get out of them are IP addresses, none of which correspond to DS9. Whoever is writing this is either using a proxy or sending it to someone off the station to post. I'll probably have to get Federation authorities involved.
Kira: Great... How bad is it?
Odo: There's a story where I have sex with you, featuring lots of tentacles. It's apparently so popular that they've commissioned art work of it.
Kira: I wish I hadn't heard that.
Odo: It could've been worse. You could've seen the Garak/Bashir art.

Sisko: Chief, the situation has gotten worse. They've written stories about every major person on this station except the Ferengi. Tell me you and Odo have any good news to report.
O'Brien: Sorry sir, I've manually checked over all the internet connections on the station. No one is using our systems or the systems of any ships docked here.
Sisko: Damn it! What about-
Kira: Hey Dax, why is this story about Curzon getting jamaharoned to death?
*Everyone stares at Dax*

 

[Triskelion]

Bashir: Chief, Penthouse went out of business three centuries ago.

O'Brien: ...you'll...never...believe...what...happened....
when...I...was...scrubbing...plasma...conduits...
near...the...Bajoran...temple....

Bashir: Oh this is just so wrong.

According to my calendar, Major, it's been three months since you've made any social arrangements.

Odo! How would you know that?

I can't morph into catsuits, if that's what you're getting at, Major.

Well, I...huh?

Any idea how we are going to solve this new obsession with Letters to Penthouse, Chief?

Well, once on the Enterprise, Captain Picard was going to attack the Borg with a paradoxical geometric form put in the mind of a boyish Borg. We could try something like that here, sir.

Well? Are you saying a geometric form can act as an antidote to our sexy letters?

No sir. I was just thinking about putting the Major in a leather bodysuit, sir.

Bashir: Thank goodness we have our Sammy Davis Junior impressions to help us through this crisis, Jake.

Jake: That's swinging, man.

Morn: Narc.
Worf: What? Did you say something?
Morn: ....

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the Morn's Laughter award.

O'Brien: "Okay, Garak left me this instruction manual for while he's away. "Meeting Bashir For Lunch". Do I have to discuss "post-modernist Cardassian literature, with particular emphasis on the more uncomfortably suggestive titles"?

Bashir: "Yes".

Sisko: "Captain Solok has popped 6 million, three hundred thousand bubbles for 30 million, two thousand and twenty three points. Grab your PADD, Chief, and get popping. Remember, DO NOT touch the blue bubbles, they detract points".

O'Brien: "I, er, have work to do on the reactor core"

Sisko: "Not anymore you don't".

Morn: "We don't like these Klingonses, do we precious? They tries to steal it from us, they do! They tries to steal our ale..."

 

[shivkala]

Bashir: Are you still working on signing the Major's birthday card?

O'Brien: Yes. I mean what the Hell do you put on here? You can't go with "Happy Birthday," it's so impersonal, but I can't think of what says, "Happy Birthday to a Bajoran woman who, at times terrifies me, but is a strong positive female role model that I hope Molly chooses as a role model..."

Bashir: I just went with, "Here's to the first 35 and many more."

O'Brien: Isn't she 29?

Bashir: Crap! Are you sure? Crap! Can I see that stylus?

Odo: If it makes you feel better, I can't judge how old any of you solids are.

Kira: Well, that's comforting...

Jake: I guess it's true what they say, war is Hell!

Bashir: I still believe this is better than back on the station! Kira is still upset over that birthday card!

Sisko: No, we're not reviewing resumes from doctors, why do you ask? Now scoot, before we start looking for engineers as well!

Worf: *thinking to himself* I know it is dishonorable, but damn, I need to tell someone about how Klingon-like Kira is in bed when she's pissed at someone. Still, I could have done without the post-coital crying jag about how old she looks...

 

[Nerys Myk]

ODO: Why so glum, Kira?

KIRA: Just found out I'm supposed to hook up with Mr. Jello Shots later in the series.

ODO: Sitting right here, Major.

KIRA: Better than Worf, I guess. That's a death sentence. Still, ick.

ODO: Still sitting right here.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CLIFF: It's true. A hundred years ago no ridges. Ask the next Klingon you see. They'll tell you.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Dr Bashir casually walks by O'Brien as he's reading his letters from Keiko, on the outside chance she sent a naked picture.

ODO: I consider myself a keen observer on human nature, Major, and judging by your posture you're having a bad day.
KIRA: Wow, your deductive powers are nothing short of astounding. You're almost as smart as Troi.

JAKE: No, this is still awesome. Front line journalism is the best idea ever!
BASHIR: Really?
JAKE: Yeah! You can't write about how horrible war is unless stuff is blowing up in your face. This experience will make me way more mature and world-wise!
BASHIR: Really?
JAKE: NO! GET ME THE F*** OUT OF HERE!

O'BRIEN: Am I interrupting anything?
SISKO: Not at all chief. Kira and Dax were just trying out a dating website.
O'BRIEN: How's that working out?
DAX: 200 nude pic requests, 50 marriage proposals, 20 stalkers, and maybe two messages actually worth responding to.
O'BRIEN: I should have warned you about that. What about you Kira?
KIRA: Ten messages, all from Cardassians.

Every time Morn sees Worf he wonders whether Jadzia finally told him about their whirlwind love affair.

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: "50 Shades of Grey"? What's that?

SISKO: Probably about fashion. Woman love that stuff.

 

[Tosk]

 

[Ln X]

Kira: Do you want to know what really pisses me off about the occupation? It was that time when the resistance forced me to be a concubine just to get close to some Gul and bump him off... And he had to take pictures which still crop up on databases... I'll never live down the shame...

 

[Triskelion]

Mr Jello Shots

Cliff: True story, Romulans actually branched off from the Vulcans because of a rivalry between two dry cleaning shops.

Carla: I'm gonna space him.

Kira: So you up for a game of "Dabo Girl Can't Pay the Rent?"

Odo: Ok, but I've got to reschedule evicting an actual Dabo girl who can't pay the rent.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CLIFF: Ya know Quark, the last time I saw a mug like yours behind a bar, it answered to the name "Carla".

She's right behind me, isn't she?

 

[Triskelion]

Rebecca: The gang's almost complete; all we need now is an ex-baseball player who's a hit with all the ladies -
Worf: Ohhh?
Rebecca: - but who isn't ass-faced.
Worf: Awwww.

 

[Triskelion]

What's new, Odo?

I'm, er, getting a leg up, I mean brushing up on those fine alien thighs, I mean lading manifests.

 

[Isis]

Jake: "When you said we'd be between a rock and a hard place, I didn't realize you meant it literally."