TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Contests

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday everyone!

First up to the plate, we have the "Prime Guideline, or is it a Directive?" Award, going to:

Picard: "Commander, Starfleet is not in the business of interfering with other cultures."

Riker: "Since when?"

Next, we have the "Multi-Purpose Room" Award, going to:

Picard: Excuse me, ma'am, but you'll have to finish up. This area is scheduled for shuttle launches now.

Next, we have the "No Fancy Stylists for you!" Award, going to:

CRUSHER: Look, on my salary, I have to go to Supercuts, OK?!

Next, we have the "Alternate Ending to When the Bough Breaks" Award, going to:

Riker: Should we begin planning a rescue mission?
Picard: I don't -want- to rescue those kids. They deserved to get kidnapped and Child Protective Services should be called in on the deadbeat parents that thought it was a good idea to bring them on a starship.

Next, we have the "Worf's first assignment award" going to:

Worf: Lieutenant Worf, reporting for duty sir.

Picard: I'll enter your duty into the log with the rest of the regular duties, Lieutenant. It's long log today.

Riker: Your first assignment is to assess your Tactical Progress and dump all your TP reports to the poop deck commander. Then wash your hands of it. If we think you're good, we'll leave you a stool for your station.

Worf: Yes sir! Thank you sir!

Ensign: What a douche.

A Special Award goes to:

Revealed at last: The real reason Leadhead hasn't been able to start the contests on a Saturday constantly lately.

















He likes to watch ballet of course.

And... oh, wait... it is Saturday! Huh.

These two photoshops fought it out in my brain, both won and my brain lost. So they both get the award!

CRUSHER: What? The Doc on the Galactica smokes like a chimney!

And...

Crusher - Hey Jean-Luc!! I didn't distract you on your go!! I have to remove the butterflies!!!

Picard (Chanting) - Choke Choke Choke!!!!

Riker - OMG! These are the people I trust my life to!!!

Worf: "My targ has fallen and he can't get up!"

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Continuing forward with our journey through the Trek Seasons to celebrate passing the 300 contest mark, we will spend next week in Season 2. Originally I was thinking of doing "The Measure of the Man" but I plan to do that later and maybe have some of the scenes from the Extended Edition make an appearance. So I decided to go with another big favorite of mine from Season 2, "Contagion!"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Picard: Note to self: ask Worf not to write his security reports in Klingon.

The fad of Tallscreens in the 24th Century didn't last very long.

Worf: Did somebody order a drunk android?

LeVar: Jonathan, if he plays his cards right, he could become a popular characters!

Director: Lunch time!

Patrick: So long, suckers!

 

[R. Star]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Thanks for the win!

Picard: Pew pew! Take that Romulans!
Riker(on comm): Captain Picard to the bridge! We just fired on a Romulan warbird!
Picard: Oh... I forgot to remove ship control functions from my PADD before I started a game of Galaxy Fighter.

Worf: No one will ever suspect that it is -I- who am Future Guy! Muahahaha!

Worf: Walk or I will carry you!
Data: Carry please. Thank you.

LaForge: Commander, you got to give me some dating tips. This walking toaster has gotten laid more times than me!

Picard: Ambassador Troi is coming? Abandon ship!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Worf: It doesn't look 3-dimensional! It just looks...weird!"
Geordi (OS): "Put on the cardboard specs!"

Worf: "I've discovered the problem, sir. He's been taking time away from plugging into his battery charger and spending it plugging into Lieutenant Yar instead."
Bridge crew (in unison): "TMI!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Now that the show has caught on, Patrick Stewart carefully goes over his six year contract, looking for a loophole.

Worf installed a 24th century nanny cam on the bridge, to see who's been messing with his screen saver.

The real doll Tasha ordered before she died finally arrived in the mail.

GEORDI: He isn't even really an android! He's a guy with white makeup!"
RIKER: Are you sure?
GEORDI: I caught him in the bathroom!
DATA: I do not know what you mean. Does not compute!

PICARD: My arms are all blurry. What was in those brownies, number one?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

GEORDI: How many times do I have to tell you? His nose isn't growing.

 

[Triskelion]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

TFTW Leadhead!

Nine letter word meaning "What a Captain calls an XO." Begins with an N, ends with an E.

Naugahyde.

Computer. Dark Side of the Moon. With lasers.

What? The protestors objected to my coat of targ pelts.

Geordi: Commander, if you must insist on a staring contest with an android, at least let me turn it on first.

Riker: Well there was two hours well spent.

The sign says it's supposed to make your hair stand up when you touch it. The sign should say "Out of order."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Damn you Leadhead for starting the contest on the correct day and ruining my joke! DAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or: FTW.

Picard: Three hours of Googling and I'm no closer to finding out what the hell this yellow thing actually is...

Worf: The colours are definitely more muted than the season one remaster.

Worf: Has anyone seen Data? I can't find him.

Geordi: It turns out that "Fully functional" means he has female sexual organs as well.

Picard: For a ancient alien race with technology so advanced it seems almost God like, their interior decoration skills leave a lot to be desired.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Picard: "The Start Button! Where's the Start Button? ***ing Windows 8!"

Worf: "These yellow pixels lack honour!"

Worf: "I'll be in my bunk."

Geordi: "I can fix him, but it will invalidate his warranty."
Riker: "Do it. What idiot installs McCafee as standard?"

Sargon: "...Because it is possible you are our descendants, Captain Picard. Six thousand centuries ago, our vessels were colonizing this galaxy, just as your own starships have now begun to explore that vastness. As you now... no... wait. wait! Where are you going?"
Picard: "We ain't falling for that shit twice!"

 

[Isis]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Picard: "Can it wait? Can't you see I'm doing my crosswords."

Worf (to self): "Deanna says I need more culture. OK, so I spent weeks painting this, but it doesn't do a thing for me. Maybe I should try ballet."

Worf: "Where's the closest FedEx box? Lady Gaga needs this costume overnighted."

LaForge: "See? All you have to do is order it online and it gets sent right out." < brief pause > "We should have gotten an EZPass years ago."

Picard (to self): "Where's Data? Installing a lamp-buying subroutine was clearly a bad idea."

 

[shivkala]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Picard: Damn it, I knew this would happen. I waited a while for the new PADD and it says here that they're introducing a new one!

Worf: Sir, I've discerned the pattern. It's bridge, Ten-Forward, Stellar Cartography, Cargo Bay 3, Dr. Crusher's quarters, Engineering, then it restarts.

Picard: Wait, what was that last one?

Worf: Engineering?

Picard: No, the one before that one...

Worf: This is the last time I agree to role-play Empire Strikes Back with Data. I want to play Han, but no...I have to play Chewbaca and he's C-3PO.

Burton: He just doesn't seem to get it, can you explain it, please?!

Frakes: Mr. Fünke.

Fünke: That's Dr. Fünke...

Frakes: Whatever. Look, Brent's here, he's just at lunch. It's fine, we don't need a stand-in for this scene. Now will you please get the hell off of the set?

Fünke: Ah, man, I just whited myself, too.

Burton: That was great! Ever consider directing?

Frakes: Ha, I don't know...you really think I'd be good at it?

Picard soon realized that while he was busy playing with the van de Graaff generator, the rest of the tour group had moved on.

 

[Triskelion]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Mister Data, send an engineering team down to analyze this equipment. In the meantime I must observe great care and appropriate safety measures from a distance.

Yes sir. That particular brand of cotton candy machine has been known to overfluff, sir.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Picard: "Oh look, Commander Worf's diary. (mocking tone) 'Dear Diary. Today I was grumpy and told people they had no honor. Then I got beat up by a random alien. It was the best day ever.'"

Worf: What'd y'all order a dead android for?

 

[LeadHead]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Worf: Oh, this wasn't Lore? Wish I hadn't ripped out his positronic brain.

 

[uberfalcon]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

PICARD: Three stars on every level is impossible... Stupid Angry Birds...

 

[Holdfast]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

TFTW; and some of the other winning captions were brilliant!

PICARD (thinking): Starfleet could have got us iPads or Surfaces, but noooo, they had to go with these cheap Ferengi knock-offs...

WORF: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the best tactical officer of them all?
(pause)
WORF: You have to be kidding.

WORF: This is how Klingons secure a mate.

GEORDI: It's no use. It's like he just deactivated himself!
RIKER: Yeah, I wanted to find a way to do that during the Captain's flute recital too.

Captain Picard couldn't resist busting out some shapes whenever he saw a disco ball.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

LaForge: "Hey, Match.com don't lie! This is the guy for you!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Picard: Of all the arrogant, narcissistic, stuck up, blue basketball shaped alien...it's right behind me, isn't it?

 

[Triskelion]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Merde, I went outside the lines again. Poor Jean-Luc! Maman will come spank you with a metrestick!

I know Starfleet said no more one-dimensional security officers, but this is ridiculous!

Who ordered the electric cabin boy?

Where do the Pez come out?

You don't want to know, Commander.

Never mind, Number One! It's not a gumball machine!

 

[NX-01]

Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont

Thanks for the win!!