TNG Caption This! 300: Captain, we're passing 300 contests!

[Holdfast]

PICARD: No, you're doing it all wrong. Watch carefully; this is how you do "I'm a little teapot, short & stout".

PICARD (thinking): The Dancing Doctor has snared another recruit.

CRUSHER: Look, on my salary, I have to go to Supercuts, OK?!

RIKER: But have you seen Dr Crusher's hair today?
PICARD: Yes, frightening, I know. It is a good argument for giving her a pay rise.

SCIENCE STATION ENSIGN (thinking): If every time Worf shouts at me, I press this button and give him an electric shock, I wonder how soon he'll learn...

 

[NX-01]

Crusher - Hey Jean-Luc!! I didn't distract you on your go!! I have to remove the butterflies!!!

Picard (Chanting) - Choke Choke Choke!!!!

Riker - OMG! These are the people I trust my life to!!!

Picard - I want a new 2nd officer. I am sick of that know-it-all....

Riker - Erm Captian...

Picard - Don't interupt me Number 1. I mean he is so annoying with his billions of calculations per second....

Riker - Captian...

Picard - Shush Number 1....

Riker - I REALLY need to stop you there...

Picard - Damn it he's behind me isn't he.

Data - Yes sir.

Picard (Thinking) - I's always ballet and classical music, what I wouldn't give for a good old rock concert...

Crusher - Now commander, this won't hurt too much. I will need to instert this into your urethra and extract a fluid sample.

Riker - And there is no less invasive way of doing this?

Crusher - No this is the only way to check for Rician Syphilis.

Riker - Will it hurt?

Crusher - Not compared to the pain Deanna will inflict on you when she finds out.

Riker - I have been informed I have to tell everyone I have been initimate with that I have Rician Syphilis......You should get yourself tested.

Picard - Not again. This time Number 1 I mean it when I say we are not drinking Romulan Ale together again.

Riker - (Sighs) Yes sir.

Worf - Wesley!! Put your penis away!!!

 

[The Mole]

Patrick: Where's Brent?

Jonathan: He can't make it. Don't worry, the boffins in FX said they can add him later

Patrick: Really? They can do that?

Jonathan: Yeah... providing they don't run out of budget. Then it would be pretty crappy.

 

[NX-01]

^ OMG Love it!!!

 

[NX-01]

Picard - She said no...

Riker - I am sorry to hear that.

Picard - That stupid Ferrengi Salesman said I would be irresistible to woman and that no body would notice. She said no and everyone is laughing at me!!

Riker - Notice? Notice what?

Data - Comander I believe he is refering to his tupee!

Picard - SOB!!

Data - I find it quite dashing sir....

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself, sir. You really can win a staring contest against multiple opponents!

Riker: That's why he's the Captain.

Picard: It's all in the catheter.

Picard: Computer, has this crewman qualified for bridge operations?
Computer: Negative, she has a life.
Picard: That explains the douchebags I get stuck with.

Don't worry about the STD's ruining your life, crewman. Some people go on to become First Officers with far worse cases than this.

Picard: If you call dibs on Troi, you can't call dibs on Tasha.

Riker: Geordi called dibs on Tasha.

Picard: Be serious, Number One.

Who gave me a ritual suicide knife for Klingon Valentine's Day?

 

[ThankQ]

I love your new hair, Doctor. I'm serious, I've never seen anyone who can rock the "wet dog" look quite like you can.

Riker: Actually, Captain, Troi and I were going to the holodeck to check out "These are the Voyages..."

Picard: That one is crap. Put that off till you've seen the rest. Oh, you should check out "Shockwave, Part II". Sato gets her shirt ripped off crawling out of a Jeffries Tube and opens the door with her arms crossed like this. It's the dogs bollocks, Number One.

I protest! Klingons do not "vibe gay"!

 

[Captain Crow]

[Worf lets out a wet chunky fart]

Worf, quitely: Oh, man.

[Worf starts to shuffle walk stiff legged towards the bridge head]

Blue Barry, not looking away from console: You sharted didn't you?

Worf, unconvincingly: NO.

 

[uberfalcon]

Picard: Computer--increase age, lose the eyebrows, and add a ridiculous hat... Save program as "Picard-Bartender-Delta."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Doctor, I need some primal laughter therapy. Please, say the word "croissant"...just once.

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

When the crew tried Vulcan vendredi as a change of pace from Casual Friday, it was not well received.

Picard: "Yes, mademoiselle, I'll join you in a few pliés, but only if I can wear sweatpants. I refuse to show off all my junk in one of those leotards."

LaForge (OS): "No, Troi was not the right person to consult on such a sensitive piece of equipment. You do not go into its internal workings and 'run a screwdriver through its nooks and crannies to get all the gunk out.'"

 

[Isis]

Don't worry about the STD's ruining your life, crewman. Some people go on to become First Officers with far worse cases than this.

"He's right behind me, isn't he?"

 

[Isis]

Don't worry about the STD's ruining your life, crewman. Some people go on to become First Officers with far worse cases than this.

"Or...according to what I've heard about the 23rd Century Enterprise...captains."

 

[jespah]

Will, I'm finding a disturbing reading that says you're going to become a universally hated Chef.

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Violins.
Geordi: Musicals.
Riker: Jazz.
Picard: Bollocks. I mean, flute - I mean archaeology.

 

[Isis]

Riker: "A penny for your thoughts, Sir."

Picard: "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 20..."

Troi (OS): "I sense I said things too so softly. Let me try again."

< brief pause >

Troi (OS, a bit louder): "I just heard from mother. Her plans for next week were cancelled, so she thought it would be a great opportunity to come here instead."

 

[Isis]

LaForge (OS, sotto voce): "What's wrong with Worf?"

Wesley (OS, sotto voce): "Pretty cool, huh? The other kids bet I couldn't give him a wedgie."

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: Excuse me, ma'am, but you'll have to finish up. This area is scheduled for shuttle launches now.

Dr. Crusher: All I'm saying is why do I have to use this pen thing on the tricorder if my fingers work just as well?

Worf: What are you staring at? Stop trying to caption me!

 

[inflatabledalek]

Revealed at last: The real reason Leadhead hasn't been able to start the contests on a Saturday constantly lately.

















He likes to watch ballet of course.

 

[LeadHead]

New contest has begun!