Older folks and a lack of verbal filters

[marillion]

So...

In my job, I field a LOT of phone calls from the public on forest, environment and wildfire issues.. Most people have questions about this and that, but once in a while, I'll get a phone call from older folks (70 + probably), mostly men, who used to be in the military or who used to fight wildfires "back in the day"...

Invariably, they are calling to complain about the way we fight fires and have a lot of "Why don't you do this or that?" or "THIS is how you should be doing it!!!" type of comments. And they talk and talk and talk and talk, and don't understand why we can just make it happen...

I've noticed with my 87 year old step dad, that once he has an opinion, he is adament about it and gets mad if we try to counter it..

My observation, especially with political "elder statesmen" like Jimmy Carter or actors like Clint Eastwood, that the older we get, the less they care about how people take what they say, and it's our problem if we find things to be offensive or off putting... I once heard an interview with Walter Cronkite before he died, and he took the show host to task for one of the commercials that was played before the interview because he didn't like the product...

Is it just me, or is it the older we get, the less we care and the weaker our verbal filter gets?

Sorry if I was rambling here..

 

[JarodRussell]

Yeah, I also recognized that attitude with older people. It's like they feel they've been here for a while, and that's gives them the right to do whatever they want. Be rude, be stubborn, babble endlessy. They earned it, damnit!

Personally, I hate those kind of elderly people. Just because they're old doesn't mean they earned the right to be assholes.

 

[RoJoHen]

I don't know if they feel they've earned it, necessarily. I think that by the time they've gotten that old that they just don't care anymore. Or, in some cases, they're just so out of touch that they don't realize that what they're saying is inappropriate, like when my grandma occasionally spews out racist remarks about her black neighbors.

 

[marillion]

Good points... I guess I'd also consider that, in the case of some of my callers, they might also be kind of lonely and just want someone to listen to them... When I was in the news biz, an elderly lady would call the newsroom several times a night just to comment on things she saw on the news. She was obviously alone and had a tendency to drink, which you could tell because as the evening wore on, her speech would slur and the comments would become less sensicle. I felt bad for her and would try to give her a few minutes if it was a slow night, but some of my coworkers would just hang up on her.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I think it's that they are in a position not to care. By that age, you are probably retired and living off of Social Security and savings. At that point, who gives a damn who you piss off? You don't answer to anyone. Might as well speak your mind.

 

[Kestra]

You don't have to be super old, either. As I've gotten older I've gained more confidence and cared less what other people think. This doesn't mean that I'm rude, but I'm also not as self-conscious.

I saw a bunch of family and family friends last weekend and within the first hour of getting there, I was given suggestions on how to help my skin and also told I should have babies. I was just surprised I didn't get the "you're fat and need to lose weight" speech from someone as well.

 

[trekkiedane]

I saw something about this thing recently on tv: It's also to do with the way the brain ages, part of the same thing that makes you remember something that happened sixty years ago but not what you had for breakfast today.

I can't remember what' it's called though, so here's an anecdote from my youth back in the sixties...

 

[marksound]

Maybe, just maybe, those "older folks" have been around long enough to have seen a thing or two. Maybe, just maybe, you could learn something from them if you listen to what they're saying.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll live long enough to be one of them and then you'll understand that young people aren't always as smart as they think they are.

(BTW, this is directed at no one in particular so feel free to be offended at random.)

 

[propita]

Oh hell, I wasn't born with that filter in the first place, so I don't have to wait until I'm old!

It's taken years to get what little filtering I have now. "Blunt" was a very polite way of putting it. I didn't even realize what I was saying could be a problem. When I finally did understand this, I tried being very polite, to the point that a friend said I could be at my most polite when I was accidentally insulting someone. She said my obliviousness was kinda amusing.

 

[FPAlpha]

Maybe, just maybe, those "older folks" have been around long enough to have seen a thing or two. Maybe, just maybe, you could learn something from them if you listen to what they're saying.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll live long enough to be one of them and then you'll understand that young people aren't always as smart as they think they are.

(BTW, this is directed at no one in particular so feel free to be offended at random.)

And maybe "It used to work back when i was your age" is also not quite all that.

New minds have new ideas but there's also much to be had from experience.. i respect the elderly but if they think that age gives them the right to be rude or patronizing to me then i'll give back.

 

[trekkiedane]

New minds have new ideas but there's also much to be had from experience.. i respect the elderly but if they think that age gives them the right to be rude or patronizing to me then i'll give back.

Sometimes the problem, though, is that neither idea is good...

 

[Gov Kodos]

 

[JarodRussell]

That's the stereotype of the old man/woman that insists on staying in the village that is threatened by a catastrophe. I've seen Dante's Peak, and I actually cheered when the stubborn and stupid grandma died.

 

[Kestra]

Maybe, just maybe, those "older folks" have been around long enough to have seen a thing or two. Maybe, just maybe, you could learn something from them if you listen to what they're saying.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll live long enough to be one of them and then you'll understand that young people aren't always as smart as they think they are.

(BTW, this is directed at no one in particular so feel free to be offended at random.)

See, I feel like this sort of post just creates a divide where there isn't one. I was raised to have a lot of respect for my elders and I do. I routinely seek out the advice of those who are older than me and have more experience. But that has nothing to do with their bluntness, or stubbornness.

 

[RoJoHen]

Yeah, there needs to be a balance between being old and wise and being old and crotchety.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

An aged care nurse once told me it has to do with the shrinking of the prefrontal cortex in age.

 

[trekkiedane]

Yeah, there needs to be a balance between being old and wise and being old and crotchety.

Why don't you just get off my lawn you whippersnapper

What I'm failing to say is that the energy of youth and the wisdom of age rarely function together very well...

It is said that anyone under forty who isn't a communist is a fool, and anyone over forty that is still a communist is a fool -think a bit about it and vote accordingly and let the politicians figure out how to make a perfect world

 

[Gary Mitchell]

Yeah, there needs to be a balance between being old and wise and being old and crotchety.

Yeah. Lately my dad has been putting the "crotch" in crochety. He seems to have lost the filter that he used to have between his brain and his mouth.

 

[MacLeod]

The era in which they greew up and formed certain opinions might also be a facotr. After all in several decades time when we are older (70+) will we be any different than those who are 70+ today?

When viewed by the eyes of those younger than us?

 

[auntiehill]

Yeah, there needs to be a balance between being old and wise and being old and crotchety.

Yeah. Lately my dad has been putting the "crotch" in crochety. He seems to have lost the filter that he used to have between his brain and his mouth.

My dad never had a filter to begin with, so it amuses me when people excuse his rudeness, not to mention blatant cruelty, on his age or his health problems. They don't realize that the man was ALWAYS a dick.

We know it's time to take him to the hospital when he sudden becomes very sensitive and kind.

Sad but true.