TNG Caption This! 278: May we have your attention please?

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday everyone! Best wishes on a great week!

First up to the plate, we have the "Who's Number One Now?!" Award, going to:

Eline: All I'm saying is, it wouldn't hurt you to put down the telescope and spend some time with me.
Picard: It's a sextant.
Eline: Well, it's the only sextant you'll be getting around here, Mister!

Next, we have the "Captain's Orders... SHHHH!" Award, going to:

Riker: Wait... Did you just blow up Lwaxana's ship?

Next, we have the "Smart move" Award, going to:

Kamin: "This is a song I wrote about Eline back when we were dating. I'll just play you the instrumental version. I wrote lyrics too, but they're too risque to sing in front of the kid."

Next, we have the "Star Trek Law" Award, going to:

CRUSHER: You getting on or not?

PICARD: After what happened to Dr. Pulaski, I like to double check before entering.

Next, we have the "Secret Mail" Award, going to:

Picard: Will, when a package arrives for me through intergalactic mail in a plain brown box with a nondescript return address, I really wish you wouldn't open it.

Our Photoshop award is also a bit of a tag team award:

Riker: Why is it so dark in here?
Picard: Hides the flaws in the set when viewed in HD.

Riker: "Aziz ... LIGHT !!!!!"

Eline: "No, the reason you see a bunch of veins and arteries is not 'one of the universe's great mysteries.' You have that thing pointed backwards."

Congratulations to all of our winners and many thanks to all of our competitors!

Now, for moving forward and the celebration of the 100 LeadHead Contests here, I've been waiting for more of the TNG Blu-Ray screencaps to go up on Trekcore, because I want to more fully incorporate that into the event. They're going up at a rate of about 1 a week, so I'm gonna probably combine that with some special ones for the 25th Anniversary of TNG, since that time is drawing near as well. More to come on that soon.

For now, lets bring the funny!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: According to this, the Holy Grail should be in the castle Arrrrrrrghhh....

Worf: We found a witch, may we stun her?

Announcer: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, Commander Data and the Silent Background Ensigns!

Picard: I hear this is really a solo act...

Data: Counselor, did you just crash a turbolift?!

Riker: The lights go out on a Red Alert? What is this, Voyager?!

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: I'm pretty sure the Captain meant the ship's phasers.

 

[Ln X]

Woman: You know I really like bald-headed man, they're so... bold.

Geordi: Gee Worf you call yourself a security officer? Even from here I can see the safeties are on! I doubt you could even stun a pet tagh on that level!

Data (o/s): I would like to present this centuries new art-form; android strip dancing.

Computer: Warning! Core breach in progress! Abandon ship and have a nice day!

 

[Finn]

Troi: (OS) *slurring* Will..I...I came cross this holoprogram...hologram Reg left on... He's hot...I met...I met Cochrane...Reg...Reg turned off...safeties....Zef...I...used my new counseling techniques...I tried to...leave to find...the ladies room.

Riker: Deanna?

Troi: *still slurring* I got wandering....I found this dark room. There was some chips. I thought it would turn off the holopgram..

Computer: Saucer Section commencing. Course set for a planetary landing....

Data: Oh shit!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kamala: "It's an ancient translation of a piece of an Earth prophecy. Note the descriptions of Professor Xavier and Jean Grey."
Picard: "I admit there is a resemblance, but surely you don't mean that we must emulate..."
Kamala: "It is destined."
Picard: "Tell me. Does the word 'fan-fic' exist on your world?"
Kamala: "I don't understand."
Picard: "Forget it. I'll get the baby oil and the restraints."

Geordi: "That wasn't the novelty remote control... and we need a new viewscreen."

Picard: "You think you're so funny?"
Troi: "Yeah. Caption us now, bitch!"

TBBS: whimpers

Data: "Intriguing. You have just stunned the carpet, Mr O'Brien."

Riker: "Aziz. Light!?"
Ro: "Originality not your strong suit, huh?"

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW!

O'Brien: "So what happened, Spot didn't make it to the litter box?"

Data: "No. Wesley didn't make it to the men's room."

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win Leadhead. I'm not sure what it says about your sense of humor, though.

Though late in life, Captain Picard was still determined to become a man in the Jewish tradition by having his Bar Mitzvah.

Worf: Sorry, sir. I thought I saw the reanimated corpse of Irving Berlin.

(Off-screen) Please silence or turn off all electronic devices, including com badges, tricorders, and positronic brains. You’ll be embarrassed if it goes off in the middle of a tense moment of the show and it will break the mood for everyone. We encourage you to share your experience at Ten Forward via social media, such as Spacebook, but please refrain from doing so or texting during performances; the glow from your device is distracting.

Thank you and enjoy the show!

Due to being in space for so long, the crew would often come up with games to keep them occupied. "Turbolift Freeze Dance" was one such game. The directions were actually quite simple, as long as the turbolift was in motion, you could do any move you wanted, but as soon as it stopped, you had to freeze until it moved again. If you moved before then, you forfeited your turn. Needless to say, Data was often the winner.

Brent Spiner: The directors are trying it out. Apparently, there's been talk about a movie for us. I guess the television sets won't photograph well in higher resolution, so if we turn down the lights, it'll hide that. They figure if they dim the lights often enough and continue to increase the duration, our eyes will fully adjust by the time they start filming the movie.

 

[Ghostface1701]

WORF: Mr. Data, if you tell that joke one more time...

RO: Oh, God. The lights are out and Riker's near. Where's my rape whistle?
DATA: May I borrow it, Ensign? He is already mounting my console...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Picard: "These ancient sex scrolls are very illuminating, Kamala! I should caution you, though, that many of these positions are ill-advised for a man of my age."

Barclay (OS): "Thank you all for interrupting your busy schedules to gather here at my request. I don't actually have anything to say; Counselor Troi just thought this would be an interesting exercise to see if I actually had the balls to do anything like this."

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the win

Kamala: Have you gotten to the part where you conduct the chastity inspection?

Riker: Data really needs to stop closing the bar at these things

O'Brien: Trapped! with the android & the telepath. How long before I need this phaser? 10... 9.... 8...

Riker: Computer! I said end night shift!

Ro: I still don't understand why you do that Data?

 

[Ln X]

Worf: Halt in the name of Kahless!
Geordi: He's not religious Worf!

Troi: Have you made a mess again O'Brien?
O'Brien: Yes counsellor.
Troi: (sighs) If you can't stand it here you could try a transport ship, there's a lot less pressure over there.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Oh my God! What is it?!"
O'Brien: "Stand back! I'll shoot it!"
Troi: "Will you two calm down?! It's just my hand! And it's not even on the floor; it's just the camera angle!"

 

[Kirby]

Wesley (off screen): Don't phase me bro!
Picard (off screen): He's right Mr. Worf, this is neither the time or place to shoot the boy.

Picard: You may proceed, Mr. Worf.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Comedy Trope # 237

O'BRIEN: How long does it take to fix an elevator????


DATA: Relax, its only been an hour.

TROI: My water just broke!

DATA & O'BRIEN: Auuuuughhh!!!!! Get us out of here NOW!!!!!!

 

[Balrog]

Picard: "Commander Riker joked I couldn't get lucky with a woman on Risa even if I had a map and a palm beacon, but I'll show him. Now be a dear and hand me that palm beacon over there, will you?"

Geordi: "Seriously, Worf - Chillax."

Data: "I understand the need for the emergency lighting on the bridge when main power is out, Commander Riker. But why did the computer suddenly start playing... Luther Vandross?"

Ro (thinking): Whoops! Oh damn it...

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD: OK, there's the Magic Kingdom, and that's the Animal Kingdom, so we must be in the Epcot Centre!
KAMALA: Wow, you're lost in more ways than one.

GEORDI: Worf, face it, you've got no signal bars in here. Waving it around the place like that isn't suddenly going to get you any reception.

OUR POV: Oh damn, it's that recurring nightmare again where I'm standing up in front of the TNG crew, about to give a speech with no clothes on.

TROI: Stop! Everyone stand still and start looking; I just lost a contact lens.

EPISODE DIRECTOR: Does the right eyeline mean nothing to you people?!

 

[Nerys Myk]

FRAKES: Not sure this is what's meant by a darker Star Trek.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: What the...This is just a collection of some actor's press clippings!!!!

WOMAN NEXT TO RIKER: That's not my knee!

 

[Finn]

^Jae

Burton: *mutters* of course... I'm the only one without a date