TNG Caption This! 277: The Inner Contest

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Numbah One, I know you're very proud of your poo from last Tuesday but, keeping it in a box and showing to everyone is rather creepy.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Take this, sir. It's extra-strength brain bleach. I believe you asked for this after you accidentally saw Lwaxana naked.

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD: To my Ready Room; we shall find a way to convert Livingston's tank into a bong.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW!

Picard: It's just filthy what that woman does next door of an evening, right in front of her window where anyone can see her.

Eline: Her curtains are drawn...

Picard: There's a gap!

Riker: Worf! Why is your one sleeve shorter than the other?

Worf: It's a Klingon cultural thing like the sash. I decided if Ro gets an earring they as a higher ranking officer I get to have two symbols of my heritage. Stop oppressing me!.

Eline: Worst Patrick Troughton impression ever.

*WOSH*

Crusher: Now, the doors opened by this force we call "Electricity", a sort of harnessed lightning that powers all the devices on this ship.

Picard: Beverly, I remember electricity. I've just lived an extra forty years, I haven't forgotten anything.

Crusher: Now, this isn't a closet, it's actually a moving tube that takes you to different decks of the ship.

Picard: *sigh*. Wake me up when you get round to reminding me what a "booty call" is.

Riker: Why is it so dark in here?

Picard: Hides the flaws in the set when viewed in HD.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ELINE: Actually its for smoking dope

ELINE: Actually its for smoking dope

CRUSHER: Actually its for smoking dope

RIKER: Actually its for smoking dope

 

[BriGuy]

Riker: Are you ready for your meeting with the ambassador, sir?

Picard: Quite ready, Number One. But, where is he...

Riker: Actually, sir, it's a she... and she's in here...

 

[BriGuy]

Kamin: And I call this piece, "What the Hell Happened to You, You Used to be Hot, Now You Look Like a Cackling Old Bag."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kamin: "This is a song I wrote about Eline back when we were dating. I'll just play you the instrumental version. I wrote lyrics too, but they're too risque to sing in front of the kid."

Picard: "Ah, Will! Back from Wrigley's Pleasure Planet, I see! Did you, uh, get the item I asked for?"
Riker: "Sort of. They were all out of Marlboro Lights, so I got you a couple of cartons of something called Gunsmokes instead."

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Yet who would have thought the annoying boy to have had so much blood in him?

[cat meows]

Picard: Out, damned Spot! Out, I say!

Eline: Why did I have to marry an amature porn maker?

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Eline: "Hers are Fake!"
Kamin:"GULP!"
Eline: "And you are on the Couch for the week!"

 

[T'Girl]

Riker: Why is it so dark in here?
Picard: Hides the flaws in the set when viewed in HD.

Riker: "Aziz ... LIGHT !!!!!"

Picard: You know what the truly amazing thing about this is?"

Eline: That a incredibly hot MILF like myself is somehow married to a flatulent, hung like a hamster old prune like you?"

Picard: "Wasn't what I was about to refer to."

Eline: "Sorry."

Riker: "Just as I've always suspected, this side of Worf is untreated plywood, propped up with an old mop handle."

 

[BriGuy]

Riker: Happy birthday, captain. My gift to you is a complete collection of Captain James T. Kirk's Enterprise log entries from the first year of the original five year mission.
The audio is a bit "tinny" on some of the entries, but it's otherwise a wonderful collection

 

[Isis]

Eline: "No, the reason you see a bunch of veins and arteries is not 'one of the universe's great mysteries.' You have that thing pointed backwards."

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Yes, I do work in clay. But this color is hideous. Play-doh would have been a much better choice."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Riker: Doctor Crusher sent me to tell you she didn't need such a big stool sample.

 

[Isis]

While Worf patiently waited for his turn on the catwalk, Riker insisted on practicing his strut.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the tag win

Riker: Here's the X-men holoprogram collection you requested....

Picard: Thanks, Number One.

*taps combadge*

Picard: Picard to Worf. I have the perfect character I want you to play on the holodeck...

 

[Isis]

Eline: "Enough with the Pixie Stix. It's almost time for 'Ceeping up with the Cardassians,' so you'll have to take Junior."

Crusher: "On second thought, maybe I should have been 'elevator operator.'"

 

[Isis]

Picard: "No, Beverly, I think you can consider that contact gone for good."

 

[LeadHead]

New contest starts later today!