Trust me, working a job that involves zero interaction with attractive women is not that great either Trekker
I guess you'll never be able to find a job you like then.
I think I need a transfer...
- Thread starter Trekker4747
- Start date
I guess you'll never be able to find a job you like then.
I must have missed a thread....why can't you make a move on this girl?
Honestly trekker you need to go on craigslist, find a hook up and get laid. Immediately. Like yesterday.
Honestly trekker you need to go on craigslist, find a hook up and get laid. Immediately. Like yesterday.
unfortunantly low self-confidence can be a vicous circle. Those who have never had don't always understand what it's like to suffer from it.
People with low self-confidence can appear confident when it's a topic they know well/are comfortable with i.e. work but lack it when it comes to other areas such as members of the opposite gender.
In some respects I think men with low self-confidence in this area have it worse than women, give soceitys notion that it should be the male to take the initive, I thought in the 21st century we had moved beyond such notions.
People with low self-confidence can appear confident when it's a topic they know well/are comfortable with i.e. work but lack it when it comes to other areas such as members of the opposite gender.
In some respects I think men with low self-confidence in this area have it worse than women, give soceitys notion that it should be the male to take the initive, I thought in the 21st century we had moved beyond such notions.
At the very least, it's a useful crutch for those that don't feel like actually attempting to improve their situation, and prefer to mope about it...
It helps if you don't build it up into a big romance thing in your head first, or borderline stalk her for 6 months without saying anything. If you see someone you're attracted to, ask if they wanna grab a beer, or dinner or whatever. They say no, it sucks, but move on. If you decide to fall in love first, it's difficult as you're not in the same place as the random woman you haven't yet talked to, so you're set up for failure. really not as big a deal as it's made out to be.
And internet dating makes it even easier...
It helps if you don't build it up into a big romance thing in your head first, or borderline stalk her for 6 months without saying anything. If you see someone you're attracted to, ask if they wanna grab a beer, or dinner or whatever. They say no, it sucks, but move on. If you decide to fall in love first, it's difficult as you're not in the same place as the random woman you haven't yet talked to, so you're set up for failure. really not as big a deal as it's made out to be.
And internet dating makes it even easier...
doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
It was not directed at you at all. I've always thought you express yourself very well here, always eloquently and directly without resorting to baseless insulting or trolling. Your posts in TNZ are magnificent to behold because you apply the same approach in there, but you let your claws out too. I wish more people could and would post like you do. (It'd make a lot of threads MUCH more fun to read.)
My comment was more a "cover all my bases" comment while at the same time acknowledging my own personal feeling that yes, while these threads do get tiring, I don't necessarily like how insensitive others sometimes get. Your advice, Timby's, Scout's - while direct and blunt, has never crossed the line in to mean-spirited.
The comment was directed to those who take advantage of the opportunity just for the sake of being mean.
Aww, shucks. Thanks. 
You do realize that doubleoh works in Hollywood, which is filled with people known for their "honesty" and "non-suck-up-titude", right?Aww, shucks. Thanks.
I'm in the neighboring county. Their Hollywood mind voodoo still kind of works here.
Precisely the problem. I've no self confidence and nothing has helped me to build it. Women, all women, have it easy. I don't care how ugly, fat or whatever a woman is somewhere out there a man will be interested in you in some fashion or at least willing to try. (Grated it's easier for conventionally attractive women) A woman goes to the mall, the store, a bar, whatever and she's going to get men coming up to her trying to court her.
For a man? Not so much unless you happen to be very good-looking and then all one gets is obvious flirting and such.
Be an ordinary man like me? Nothing. No attention, no flirting, nothing. Which means real, hard, effort has to be put forth and when you've got 30-years of your confidence being shot down and eroded away it's hard to really know how to do... Well, anything.
So if men don't usually get attention from women, the fact that you don't get attention shouldn't be that distressing.
I know it's tough, but you might just be over-thinking this here. You've got no problem speaking your mind about searingly personal things on here, which I would never dream of doing. On here you let yourself be passionate, witty, provocative. It seems like you are the person you want to be when you're posting on here.
It might sound dumb, but why not try to channel some of that into your RL interactions. Maybe don't approach people who intimidate you (male or female) as you, but as Trekker4747.
In other words, why is it possible for you to have confidence in yourself online, but not IRL? I don't have the answer, but you do.
I know it's tough, but you might just be over-thinking this here. You've got no problem speaking your mind about searingly personal things on here, which I would never dream of doing. On here you let yourself be passionate, witty, provocative. It seems like you are the person you want to be when you're posting on here.
It might sound dumb, but why not try to channel some of that into your RL interactions. Maybe don't approach people who intimidate you (male or female) as you, but as Trekker4747.
In other words, why is it possible for you to have confidence in yourself online, but not IRL? I don't have the answer, but you do.
You make it sound like you are the only guy to ever get shot down. Come on man. When I was younger I had similar issues. Know what I did? I got over it. You need to go out, hook up with a girl and make it meaningless so that you can develop skills to make it mean something!
Don't give me the "Oh I can't have a no strings attached" hook up. Sure you can. Try it, it's fun. Just don't sit there and whine all day long. It gets you no where.
One line's a bit easier as there's not that person-to-person contact thing to deal with. There's enough of a disconnect, I guess, to make things easier.
Men who show a bit of confidence (or are good looking) do get some measure of attention, even if it's just a casual flirt. But if your a pudgy normal guy like me? You get nothing. You pretty much have to guess and put your emotions on the line to get anywhere.
Men who show a bit of confidence (or are good looking) do get some measure of attention, even if it's just a casual flirt. But if your a pudgy normal guy like me? You get nothing. You pretty much have to guess and put your emotions on the line to get anywhere.
Ever considered working in a men's prison?
If nothing else, it'll do wonders for your love life.
There is a difference between getting rejected 9 out 10 times, to being rejected 99 times out 100.
Each rejection chips away at your resolve. When you do finally get that one rejection your confidence receives a major boost.
As for online vs RL personalities. Some might say our online personality is our true personality. In RL we sometimes wear masks to fit in/to conform to what we believe is to be expected. Online however because it provides a level of anonimity it can allow our inner personality out.
I can certainly empathise with Trekker.
For those of us with shy type personalities even taking that leap to ask someone takes a certain amount of will power, when you combine that with rejection after rejection. It does take it's toll.
Each rejection chips away at your resolve. When you do finally get that one rejection your confidence receives a major boost.
As for online vs RL personalities. Some might say our online personality is our true personality. In RL we sometimes wear masks to fit in/to conform to what we believe is to be expected. Online however because it provides a level of anonimity it can allow our inner personality out.
I can certainly empathise with Trekker.
For those of us with shy type personalities even taking that leap to ask someone takes a certain amount of will power, when you combine that with rejection after rejection. It does take it's toll.
ed629
Rear Admiral
If you act like a pissy little coward with no confidence, that's how a woman will see you. And no woman wants that. Dude, I'm getting closer to 40 than I am to 30, I've gained 20+ pounds in the last 7-8 months. And I don't let that get to me, I just spent almost 2 weeks in New Orleans, and managed to hook up and hang out almost the the whole with a gorgeous redhead I met there. You want to know how, I acted like myself. I didn't act like she would reject me, or even cared if she did. In fact I barely acknowledged her the first day there. I joked a little with her, and she was the one who kept coming back up to me to talk and flirt with. Now if I acted like I had no confidence, looked down on myself I seriously doubt she would of stuck around. So stop acting like a wet towel, tell yourself that you are the best guy for the girl you're interested in. If she doesn't respond, so what. There are plenty more out there. I've been on plenty of dates in the last 6-8 months
And that's because I don't mope around, don't feel sorry for myself.
I get rejected often, and so what. That's how I see it, I get rejected and oh well try again. Why worry about the ones that aren't interested in you, instead look at the ones that are. And my real life personality is the same as on here, actually stronger in real life.
And Trekker, read this book: What Do You Care What Other People Think?
I read the book when it first came out, and it made a difference in my life. Up til then I was too worried what others saw me as, after I read it I realized why should I care. Because the only person that can make me happy is myself, and if I spent too much time caring about how others saw me or thought of me, I could never be the person everyone thought I should be.
I don't know if I've ever read anything more patently ridiculous, and gender-hating, on Trek BBS as this. Holy shit.
^Thank you.
Being happy in who you are could be classed as self-esteem. You can be perfectly happy with who you are but lack confidence.
It isn't always easy for people who don't have confidence issues to understand those that do. I suspect a lot of people will low self-confidence understand from a rational point of view that yes you are going to get reject, but from an emotional level it's why do you put yourself through this. The old are you ruled by head or your heart.
One argument that is always used is that I get rejected often one, but how often is often. Is it 9 times out of 10, 99 times out of 100, 199 timers out of 200. The bigger the no to yes ratio, the more impact it can have on someones self-confidence.
Then there is the just be yourself one, what if being yourself is being quiet/reserved etc.?
Due to the nature of my job and a certain amount of shift work I don't get to go out often. So I've tried internet dating sites, take the time to read someones profile and if I do decide to message them, I try and incoperate something they mentioned in their profile. And If I were to put a number on it, maybe 1 out 50 replies. As for a dae following that maybe 1 in 10 of those. So that's what something like 500 rejections for a date to 1 acceptance.
Though I tend to go through periods of being more confident in sending out messages than at other times. But all it takes is for the right one to say yes.
All I'm saying I can certainly understand how Trekker feels.
It isn't always easy for people who don't have confidence issues to understand those that do. I suspect a lot of people will low self-confidence understand from a rational point of view that yes you are going to get reject, but from an emotional level it's why do you put yourself through this. The old are you ruled by head or your heart.
One argument that is always used is that I get rejected often one, but how often is often. Is it 9 times out of 10, 99 times out of 100, 199 timers out of 200. The bigger the no to yes ratio, the more impact it can have on someones self-confidence.
Then there is the just be yourself one, what if being yourself is being quiet/reserved etc.?
Due to the nature of my job and a certain amount of shift work I don't get to go out often. So I've tried internet dating sites, take the time to read someones profile and if I do decide to message them, I try and incoperate something they mentioned in their profile. And If I were to put a number on it, maybe 1 out 50 replies. As for a dae following that maybe 1 in 10 of those. So that's what something like 500 rejections for a date to 1 acceptance.
Though I tend to go through periods of being more confident in sending out messages than at other times. But all it takes is for the right one to say yes.
All I'm saying I can certainly understand how Trekker feels.
