The stigma of being a virgin loner (must end)
- Thread starter CaptainPipcard
- Start date
You are proceeding under the idea that I said sex IS a Crutch, I did not say that, I Sid sex Can often be used AS a crutch.
You should rather ask yourself why you care so much about this opinion? When you truly believe in what you are doing you shouldn't actually care about people having an issue with it.
It's like with the Amish, they don't care about other people making fun of their way of life whereas all those fundamentalist evangelical fellows who preach about the wickedness of sex and then spend time with prostitutes do not believe in their own morals but are just envious.
What about using crutches IN sex? Could make it interesting.
At first I was going to say that no one gives a fuck over whether or not you've given a fuck (cause I thought it was clever), but since you're abstaining for religious reasons I'm not so sure if that's the case. In my opinion I think the attitude that sex is sinful and dangerous is a terrible attitude to have and ultimately harmful to society. Moreover, on a personal level I think it is very unhealthy and will harm your relationships with others.
If you are some dude who wants to get laid but can't get a girlfriend for whatever reason, well, that's fine. There's really no stigma there (hey, I should know.), but the abstaining for religious reasons is going to get some attention. No one is going to hate you over it, but people are going to think it is weird. You're going to have to get used to that and become confident enough in your decision to not let it bother you.
If you are some dude who wants to get laid but can't get a girlfriend for whatever reason, well, that's fine. There's really no stigma there (hey, I should know.), but the abstaining for religious reasons is going to get some attention. No one is going to hate you over it, but people are going to think it is weird. You're going to have to get used to that and become confident enough in your decision to not let it bother you.
^ How would it harm relationships with others? Do you mean peers in general, or a future romantic partner? I think that more harm is done when people give it up too freely. Nowadays people just give in and have sex after a number of only days or weeks. In my opinion, it really cheapens the whole experience. Everyone is in such a rush. I've found that, at least in my life, rushing into relationships and rushing past all the steps of intimacy will lead to it ending badly, pretty quickly. You can't really know or trust a person if you've only known them for two weeks or even a month.
Or if it is other sorts of relationships you're talking about, well.... if someone's going to think negatively of you because of a decision you've made in your personal life, they don't sound too fun to be around anyway.
Also, sex CAN be dangerous if you treat it so casually as a lot of people tend to do. So being cautious about it for that reason shouldn't be seen as unhealthy at all.
If he marries, his future wife will probably think it's wonderful. I would. There's something very admirable about someone who has that kind of moral standard and self-control.
Or if it is other sorts of relationships you're talking about, well.... if someone's going to think negatively of you because of a decision you've made in your personal life, they don't sound too fun to be around anyway.
Also, sex CAN be dangerous if you treat it so casually as a lot of people tend to do. So being cautious about it for that reason shouldn't be seen as unhealthy at all.
If he marries, his future wife will probably think it's wonderful. I would. There's something very admirable about someone who has that kind of moral standard and self-control.
doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
To the OP (and, well, everyone):
Simple solution: If you don't like the stigma of being a virgin, don't tell people you're a virgin. Since when did a person's private, sexual life become anyone's business but their own? Except, you know, Garak. That man is a WHORE! A WHORE, I TELL YOU!
Also, count me in the group of people who agree that the combination of "virgin" + "loner" tends to = "overly insecure" about the issue. In short, nobody really cares unless you care enough to make a big deal about it.
Welcome to the English department of most colleges and universities.
Simple solution: If you don't like the stigma of being a virgin, don't tell people you're a virgin. Since when did a person's private, sexual life become anyone's business but their own? Except, you know, Garak. That man is a WHORE! A WHORE, I TELL YOU!
Also, count me in the group of people who agree that the combination of "virgin" + "loner" tends to = "overly insecure" about the issue. In short, nobody really cares unless you care enough to make a big deal about it.
Welcome to the English department of most colleges and universities.
Casual sex has little to do with unprotected sex whereas education and plain stupidity does.
I think it is healthier to screw around while you are young instead of marrying and then finding out during your midlife crisis that you missed your youth, start to screw around then and thus ruin your marriage.
Sex isn't immoral or moral. Refusing to have sex until you're married is like refusing to go bowling until you're married -- you're not a better or worse person for it. It doesn't say anything about your moral character. All you're doing to yourself is missing out on something that is immensely pleasurable and enriching to your relationship for silly, arbitrary reasons.
doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
You are proceeding from the false assumption that just because a person waits for sex later in life, they then must decide to seek it out beyond the confines of their marriage. Not everyone would do this, and it is a blatant (and, frankly, sexist) generalization of men.
I don't know that I agree that remaining abstinent is silly or arbitrary. It's a perfectly valid choice to make in one's lifestyle. I do agree though with your earlier analogy to bowling - whether or not one chooses to engage in sex before being married makes no difference in how good or bad a person one is.
First of all, I am a man so I can hardly be sexist here.
Second, it is not an assumption. Look at infidelity statistics (conservative estimates range around .25 - .5) and then tell me with a straight face that all of these guys and gals did not intend to be faithful forever when they put the rings on.
You can talk about high principles all day long but they will not triumph over basic desires. Not fulfilling one basic desire for years or decades will fuck you up in one way or another.
doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
Just because statistics show most men would cheat, it does not mean ALL men in that scenario would cheat. Your previous post (and the one I've quoted above) seem to indicate that this is the perspective you are espousing.
Interesting choice of words.
You're right. I take that part back. It doesn't make sense to me, but everyone has a different perspective on life and different values. I shouldn't say something like that.
Sorry, of course I did not want to generalize. I merely think that if you are abstinent in young years the desire to relive your missed youth can emerge during your midlife crisis and might overwhelm your one life, one woman principle.
Women are probably more influenced physically as the libido varies strongly after the menopause so I think it is equally imaginable that a woman who develops a strong post-menopause sexdrive starts to ignore her fidelity principle.
doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
Unnecessary and rather insulting, honestly. Though, way to make CaptainPipcard's point for him!
doubleohfive
Fleet Admiral
1) No, it isn't.
2) Given the overly sensitive nature of the thread, and the poster in question, I could see this being funny in TNZ. Here, it just comes across as being rather dickish.
3) I swear to God, I am so sick of Trekkies trotting out that Saavik line for every bad joke, ill-conceived pun, or otherwise lame attempt at being clever to justify same. Not directing that all at you, BillJ[/], but it's become overtired.
If he is that sensitive to the subject, he should be taking it to a psychiatrist and not putting it out on a message board. When you put something out on a message board, you better be prepared to have it picked apart from all angles and be prepared for people's humorous responses as well.
I gotta agree. Being an ex-Catholic who knows a bit about the practical side of celibacy, how some priests actually live, I'd say that anybody who claims to live like that has to endure remarks that imply the question "are you serious or are you just bullshitting yourself to endure that you have not been laid yet?".
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