After doing that scene James Marsters said he would never do another rape scene again.
So? He's an actor. It's his job. Excuse me if I don't cry over the fate of actors who have to do the job they're (well) paid for. How do actors play villains, serial killers, Nazi concentration camp guards, gangsters? Oh wait, Marsters was actually paid to play an evil vampire serial killer since day one. That the character ended up having a redemption story and ended up being a good guy was a lot more than he could have hoped for when he signed up for the role.
What bothered me more was badly written the entire near rape scene was.
YMMV. I thought it was really well written.
And I loved the relationship with Spike and Buffy, who liked each other way better than Spike and Angel and fought the good fight. If you're so against 'toxic relationships', well show me a healthy relationship either of those two had. Maybe it's Angel/Darla? Spike/Drusilla? Angel's troubled and super-dysfunctional relationship with his son? Maybe it's Spike banging Harmony on the desk before she bit him and started screaming her frustrations at him for him treating her like crap all the time and not caring about her at all? Or maybe it's Angel and Spike's hundred years old pissing contest with the two of them taking every opportunity to get one over the other and competing over women, hero status or cups of mountain dew?
I didn't say that Spike was a "nice, well-adjusted guy," just that his relationship with Buffy wasn't just about fighting and sex.
It was about a lot of things, but in the relationship they had since "Smashed", they had been only connecting through fighting and sex - sex that often started with "no" - "stop me" dubious consent moments. It was a dynamic he was used to - she had said 'no' many times and he had used sex lots of times to change her mind.
And also that the attempted rape was waaaay out of character for him at that point in the series.
That's what you think. I think it was perfectly in character under the circumstances. If he had gone out there thinking "I'm now going to rape Buffy to punish her" then I'd agree, but that's not what happened. He went there to talk to her and then he tried to do what he had many times before, connect with her through sex and show her that she really wanted and loved him even if she didn't want to admit that. He didn't know how to respect boundaries, and was still operating under the same ideas about love and relationships he had 3 years earlier when he planned to tie Drusilla up and torture her until she likes him again.
I'd love to know why exactly was attempted rape "waaay out of character" for him at that point. Just before he started sleeping with Buffy, he tried to bite a woman to prove he can still be a bad vampire, as soon as he thought his chip wasn't working. And during his relationship with Buffy, it wasn't uncommon for him to tell her things like "I always knew that the one thing better than killing a Slayer would be fucking one" or that she should accept that she's a creature of darkness like him.