High Heels Are, Quite Literally, For Morons

[Amaris]

As long as the heel is chunky I can do it. It's those stilettos like chopsticks that are impossible.

Why are your calf muscles huge, do you type with your feet?

No.
They're big enough to where I'll usually stand or walk instead of sit down. I've always had large calf muscles. Where most people can squat down into a half sitting position, I can't because my muscles are big enough to cause considerable pain when I try.

Here are two quick pics taken with my camera phone, so forgive the quality. Now, they're not the most flattering pictures, but just to show you how big my calves are:

Back calf of my right leg. Blurry, so sorry about that, but it should give you an idea.

Front of my legs. It's hard to get an accurate picture when you can't see the screen. Sorry.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Jesus if you were a cow you would be PRIME.

 

[Amaris]

Jesus if you were a cow you would be PRIME.

Yeah.
On the plus side, I'm hard to knock down in a windstorm!

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^I found the pictures of your calves to be quite mooving.

 

[Mary Ann]

:facepalm:

 

[Amaris]

^I found the pictures of your calves to be quite mooving.

:facepalm:

Yes, but adorable, too. How does she do it?

 

[Mary Ann]

Oh, our Toya is downright awesome, which is why I didn't punch her for that awful pun.

 

[Holdfast]

Awful puns, and worse, photos of men's legs.

I weep for what this thread has become, after such a promising middle...

 

[ITL]

Awful puns, and worse, photos of men's legs.

I weep for what this thread has become, after such a promising middle...

He's fading fast! But we can save him! One swift Cyd infusion and he'll be right as rain!

Your medicine, sir.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Oh, our Toya is downright awesome, which is why I didn't punch her for that awful pun.

Toya?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^I found the pictures of your calves to be quite mooving.

I cud think of a different response but I won't. This thread has enough bull as it is. (Haven't we all herd enough?) Don't want to horn in on it...

Side note: why yes actually, Tora is awesome.

 

[scotpens]

^I found the pictures of your calves to be quite mooving.

I cud think of a different response but I won't. This thread has enough bull as it is. (Haven't we all herd enough?) Don't want to horn in on it...

All right now, folks, which is it? Shoe puns or cattle puns?

 

[Tora Ziyal]

I cud think of a different response but I won't. This thread has enough bull as it is. (Haven't we all herd enough?) Don't want to horn in on it...

Side note: why yes actually, Tora is awesome.

Your sudden presence in this thread is quite fishy.

Side note: thanks, folks, but stop it! You're embarrassing me!

All right now, folks, which is it? Shoe puns or cattle puns?

Why do we have to limit ourselves to one? Let us think outside the shoebox!

 

[Mary Ann]

Oh, our Toya is downright awesome, which is why I didn't punch her for that awful pun.

Toya?

Oh, lordy, major typing fail. Just ignore me. It's better that way.

 

[Alrik]

But where's the fun in that. Besides, we all make typos from time to time. Don't let it make you feel like a heel.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ What are you talking aboot NOW?

And don't go sneakering around, tell the truth! Toe the line - no flipflops!

 

[Alrik]

I stand by what I said, it was a shoe in, and it came from deep within my sole. I just tend to walk instep to my own beat. Now arch you glad I explained it? Or should I come at it from another ankle?

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Counting to keep myself from responding with something stupid. One, toe, three, four, five, socks, seven...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

It's...the Shoe Event Horizon!!!

 

[Data Holmes]

It's...the Shoe Event Horizon!!!

You can't set one heel off this ship!