A Question To The "Involved" Men Of The Board...

[GemHaters]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

 

[SeerSGB]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

Depends on the conversations. I know some guys (even as friends) don't know were the line is at, and sometimes get too personal or into topics that your partner might want you talking to other people about. And that can lead to issues even if your girlfriend isn't doing anything wrong, it can make some guys out of sorts with their friendship.

 

[Davros]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

You did nothing wrong. If this idiot is treating you like this over something so trivial, he isn't worth keeping around. You can do better than him.

 

[GemHaters]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

Depends on the conversations. I know some guys (even as friends) don't know were the line is at, and sometimes get too personal or into topics that your partner might want you talking to other people about. And that can lead to issues even if your girlfriend isn't doing anything wrong, it can make some guys out of sorts with their friendship.

They are 100% completely innocent conversations. I have more risque conversations with women.

 

[SeerSGB]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

Depends on the conversations. I know some guys (even as friends) don't know were the line is at, and sometimes get too personal or into topics that your partner might want you talking to other people about. And that can lead to issues even if your girlfriend isn't doing anything wrong, it can make some guys out of sorts with their friendship.

They are 100% completely innocent conversations. I have more risque conversations with women.

Then I'd say your boyfriend acting a fool.

 

[GemHaters]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

You did nothing wrong. If this idiot is treating you like this over something so trivial, he isn't worth keeping around. You can do better than him.

Thank you...

 

[MacLeod]

I think he has the problem rather than you. It should be perfectly alright for women to talk to men strictly as friends and vice versa.

 

[GemHaters]

I think he has the problem rather than you. It should be perfectly alright for women to talk to men strictly as friends and vice versa.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that just a few months ago, he went to a party, got drunk, and made out with another girl. Then, I obviously got angry, in a roundabout way did the same thing, and he called me the home wrecker.

 

[auntiehill]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person?...

I think you've just answered your own question, there. It sounds like you think your s.o. is clearly over-reacting, is being emotionally abusive, irrationally jealous, and immature. You can protest your innocence, show him your online conversations, etc, but you have to ask yourself:is it worth more to keep these online chats or spare your s.o.'s feelings? And if you did indeed end these online conversations, would it be enough to restore trust between you? Would you end up resenting it later? How much of your partner's insecurity and jealousy are you willing to endure?

 

[SeerSGB]

I think he has the problem rather than you. It should be perfectly alright for women to talk to men strictly as friends and vice versa.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that just a few months ago, he went to a party, got drunk, and made out with another girl. Then, I obviously got angry, in a roundabout way did the same thing, and he called me the home wrecker.

Yeeeah...sounds like you and him have a lot more issues than just online chats. They might be just the latest symptom or excuse, but it sounds like the root issue far and away from this.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

If you give up what you know are innocent online conversations and friendships what will you have to give up next?

What exactly does he object to, is it purely that they are males you are talking to? Or is it the frequency you talk to them, or if you talk to them when you could be talking to him? Has this come up before and was there ever any constructive discussion about it?

 

[1001001]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

"That's a Deal Breaker, Ladies!"

Sorry it's gotten so bad. I understand insecurity, and even a little jealousy, but that just means he is insecure and probably doesn't deserve you.

 

[sojourner]

Ask him what color burka you should wear when out in public.

 

[Kestra]

KT, is that you? These kinds of threads never turn out well.

I get that you probably need some support right now, and that's cool. I just hope you're not looking to people here to give you an objective view of what's happening or to decide who is actually "right" here. For that sort of thing, you'd be much better off talking to some sort of professional and entirely neutral third party that can hear both of your concerns and feelings about the relationship. The people here are only hearing your side, only care about you, so you're not going to get an objective view.

There are obviously other issues in your relationship as you've mentioned multiple incidents in this thread and you've posted about stuff before in passing. I'm not judging, because my relationship is far from perfect. But I don't think it's really coming down to just this one thing.

Trust is obviously really important in a relationship. So is respect. It sounds like he's not giving you a lot of either, so I'd suggest definitely trying to work on that, maybe with a professional. It's okay to have friends and interactions with the opposite sex (or same sex if that's what you're into). But ultimately, each couple sets their own standards. Do what works for the two of you and don't decide things out of fear or anger.

Either way, I hope you work things out and that you find the support you need in the meantime.

 

[sidious618]

Ask him what color burka you should wear when out in public.

 

[Mr. B]

Most of my friends are of the opposite sex so I wouldn't (or couldn't really) have a problem with it. If you don't trust a girlfriend enough to have interaction with other men, why be in a "serious relationship" with that person?

 

[Davros]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

You did nothing wrong. If this idiot is treating you like this over something so trivial, he isn't worth keeping around. You can do better than him.

Thank you...

No problem. Remember only you can make you happy.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

If your very serious girlfriend was casually chatting with a few male friends online every now and then(one of them being almost ten years younger than her, and in a very serious relationship themselves)would you feel threatened by it? Would you accuse her of being unfaithful? Would you basically come out and call her a whore? Would you be willing to lose this person whom you claim to love more than life itself over this situation? Would you get angry and constantly throw in her face that you yourself don't talk to anyone online but said person? Tell me, please, am I really in the wrong here? Because I sit here feeling like absolute shit, feeling utterly useless, feeling that I honestly did something wrong, seconds away from losing the love of my life, and I do not know what to do.

Myself and many others have told you this before, but this guy is a verbally abusive control freak who clearly doesn't feel the same way about you as you unfortunately feel about him ("the love of my life"). If he's already this bad what's to prevent him from escalating to physical violence and greater attempts to control your life in the future?

The rest of my advice shall be expressed through the majesty of film:

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W_szJ6M-kM&feature=player_embedded#![/yt]

(How that includes The Wrath of Khan but overlooks Kruge in STIII is beyond me)

 

[GemHaters]

I don't have time to individually respond to everyone, but thank you all for your insight. No, I didn't come here so that all of you could make my decision for me, I was just hoping for a little advice. I know what I have to do, and as much as he's put me through, I'm still so hesitant to end it. However, last night I found out something that makes my decision a lot easier. I really thought I'd found the right guy this time, but clearly I was gravely mistaken. As they say...another one bites the dust...

 

[iguana_tonante]

There are obviously other issues in your relationship as you've mentioned multiple incidents in this thread and you've posted about stuff before in passing.

This.

Myself and many others have told you this before, but this guy is a verbally abusive control freak who clearly doesn't feel the same way about you as you unfortunately feel about him ("the love of my life"). If he's already this bad what's to prevent him from escalating to physical violence and greater attempts to control your life in the future?

Thus that.