TOS Caption Contest..Damn Near Spockless

[MANT!]

Having paid Spock the bribe, McCoy wasted no time in destroying the "Chapel Bones McCoy" sex tape.

The moral of the story is, the next time you fantasize about a foursome, be more specific.

...

Major (through gritted teeth): "Do the words cavity search mean anything to you Kirk?"

...

From "Return to the Shore Leave Planet."

Giant Spock: "Nurse Chapel, your fantasy is ready, are you?

SGT CARTER: Pyle, explain to me again how this knucklehead got in here!!!!!

GOMER: Golly, Sergeant, it got all sparkly and Shazam! there he was!!!!!

Now for our next contest..

Be Brutal!

 

[jespah]

Thanks FTW

Now for our next contest..

Lady, we can never be lovers, since you've stolen my toupée.

Bones, Karaoke Night on the Bridge is a big hit. It's your turn but, please, don't sing "Take This Job And Shove It" yet again.

Dum de dum, and if I press this button, Doctor, she'll do the moonwalk.

Arex tried to hide the fact that the porno on the viewer was affecting him, but his third arm had a mind of its own.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: That dress! I must...have it... on the floor!

KIRK: Bones. Worst sex-toy ever.
BONES: That's a heartbeat masker.
SPOCK: Ew.

AREX: Gasp! Best sex-toy, ever!
KIRK: Bones says that's a heartbeat masker.
AREX: I'm so close!
SPOCK: I repeat. Ew.

CHAPEL: And Lt. Galway looks so damned old. Can you believe she's 23?
BONES: Can you believe she's standing right behind you?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Be carefull what you ask for

VANNA: So Captain, would you like to get dirty?

KIRK: Sure!

KIRK: Yo, MC Mac take the mike!!!!

MCCOY: I hate you.

AREX (crying) I don't sound like Mr Scott with a cold!!!! Stop saying that!!!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAPEL: Labs came back, Doctor. Looks like you do have an STD.

MCCOY: Galway, I swear to God, she was talking to M'Benga!!!!

 

[boco]

Kirk: This is not the vibrator I asked,Bones. I need it bigger. And bifurcated.
Spock lifts eyebrow

McCoy asked to have the mike back after Kirk started singing "Faith of the heart"

Kirk: My compliments! You fight better than the Gorn!

Kirk: Don't move a muscle and don't blink!
Girl: what happened, Tiberius?
Kirk: I just saw how awesome I am, in the reflection in your eyes..[/IMG]

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Interesting, most women try to kill me after sex, not before.

Kirk: Spock, sing us something.

Spock: Bilbo.... Bilbo Bagg-

McCoy: Jim! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!

Kelley: Sorry, I got an advance copy of next weeks script. You're not it in it. I'd start prepping for a death scene if I were you.

Arex's people didn't have much experience with "Facepalms," so it ended up being more of a "Facepunch" until he got the hang of it.

 

[Ssosmcin]

A few days after the Enterprise / Constellation Merger was announced:

McCoy: "Jim, that person in the back has his hand up."
Kirk: "I swear to God, one more question about the pension…"

 

[Haggis and tatties]

Kirk: I promise, i won't sing to you any more.

The annual Enterprise relay race was not going as well as expected, with the unexpected arrival of the klingons.

Kelley: Ah, Lt. Galway, good...do you know anything about toasters?

Arex "Ok Sulu i'm ready.........i hope its something tasty"
Sulu "Hello!!"

 

[Ssosmcin]

"Now, Charlene, that's not very Polite."

{rim shot}

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Vanna: "Slow down, Captain! Remember, virtue is its own reward!"
Kirk: "So is vice!"

Kirk: "Take it, Bones! I'm dancing to this one!"

McCoy: "New hairstyle, Lieutenant? Well, if you're going for the boyish look, you'd better do something about that body!"
Chapel (sternly): "Doctor..."
McCoy: "Oh. Right. The new Starfleet anti-harassment regs. Forget I said that, Lieutenant."

 

[Ssosmcin]

In spite of what followed, Kirk and Spock thought Bones singing "Row Row Row Your Boat" 20 years later was a good idea.

Weary of Gene's "casting couch" methods, Majel insisted on casting the female guest role for the next episode "The Deadly Years." At least Majel was happy…

Everyone had just about enough of Arex's "side-seat driving."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Kirk: I've got something for you to mine right here.

Kirk: OK Sax Man, that's my fault, I put you on the spot, but now you're all warmed up the next one's going to be hot! Rock it Sax Man!

McCoy:...

McCoy: Let me guess, sexual harassment suit agains the Captain?

Arex couldn't handled the image after the viewer accidentally tuned into Scotty tossing his caber.

 

[T'Girl]

CHAPEL: And Lt. Galway looks so damned old. Can you believe she's 23?
BONES: Can you believe she's standing right behind you?

Majel Barrett: "And Bev looks so damned old. Can you believe she's 23?"

DeForrest Kelley: ""Can you believe she's standing right behind you?"

Beverly Washburn: "How you coming with that prenup Gene's making you sign Majel?"

Majel Barrett: "None of your damned business Bev."

Beverly Washburn: "Looks like you're up to page seventy at least."

Majel Barrett: "If I didn't have writers cramp, I'd ... "

.

 

[Maurice]

Arex's tearful reaction to the first draft of "The Motion Picture" was entirely selfish.

 

[Captain Crow]

Nimoy: Hey, assholes! You're blocking my shot!

 

[Gary7]

Kirk: "I'm really into you Vanna. But before we go any further, the dog has to go."
Vanna: "It's just a K9 I got from a time traveling friend."
Kirk: "Still, it has eyes and I don't want it watching us."

McCoy: "Jim, what did we agree about with the singing? Now, hand over the mike."

McCoy: "... and Lt. Galway is pear shaped."
Chapel: "Honestly doctor, is this information really necessary?"
McCoy: "Captain's orders, nurse."

 

[Gary7]

Lt. Galway: "Um, doctor? I don't know quite how to say this. But those drugs you prescribed for me? I'm a... well, having this strange sensation of shrinking perspective and I don't know what to do."

 

[Finn]

Uhura: (OS) Galia, do you still have my red shoes...

Kirk: Damn it, Spock! I asked you to keep her busy.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Uhura: (OS) Galia, do you still have my red shoes...

Kirk: Damn it, Spock! I asked you to keep her busy.

Galia: I gave them to my sister and some brat stole them from her!