TNG Caption This! 247: Season 1: Getting to Know you...

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! And lets begin the first full contest of the new year!

First up to the plate, we have the "Great Play on the original line," Award, going to:

"We won't go back. You don't know what it's like in our universe. Continuity's gone, JJ Abrams is everywhere!"

Next, we have the "Loving Father" Award, going to:

Worf: And THIS smack is for making me raise that snotty little brat myself!"

Next, the "Well, start climbing, already!" Award, going to:

CRUSHER: Jean-Luc promised the next promotion to me!
GEORDI: He promised it to me first!
CRUSHER: It's mine!
GEORDI: Mine!
LADDER: Relax guys. There are enough rungs on me for both of you.

Next, we have the "Same Difference" Award, goes to:

Picard: Goddamn it Turbolift Control, I said Ten Forward, not the Portal of Doom!

Next, we have the "No longer members of the Jean-Luc Picard fanclub" award, going to:

Shelby: Right, so if we kill Picard I get made a regular and the rest of you get promoted one place up the credits with a pay rise? Lets get the bastard!

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Patrick Stewart guest-starred in an episode of Doctor Who.

Alt-Riker: "Please, don't make us go back! In our universe, TNG never got the HD treatment! It's horrible!"

Thanks to everyone who participated! Congratulations to all of our winners! The next 7 weeks, we're gonna take a trip through the seasons of TNG. We'll lead off today at the start with Season 1.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: Request permission to send Mister Data away.

Data: Why, Sir?

Riker: No offense, but this game of twister will be more fun without you.

Data: You will NOT leave and have Pulaski fill in for a year!

Worf: You're all under arrest.

Picard: (thinking) Maybe if I pretend I'm in pain, she'll stop talking...

The Starfleet Stock Exchange was much calmer than those in the 20th and 21st Centuries.

 

[Finn]

Picard: (thinking) Maybe if I pretend I'm in pain, she'll stop talking...

Deanna: PAINNNN!!!!!! I SENSE PAIN!!!!!!!!!

Picard: Damn it, I should have stayed on Risa

 

[Holdfast]

Thanks the "climbing" pick!

BARECHESTED MAN: Excellent. A little more practice with this position and you will be ready for the small cart with wheels on it and the "Disabled War Veteran" begging sign.

PICARD (thinking): I could stop Data... but she's been awfully clingy since Jack died...

WORF: Data wins. I did not say "Simon Says" before "Sit Down".

TROI: Your New Year's Resolution to spend more time on the treadmill is already flagging, I sense.
PICARD (muttering under his breath): ... wish you'd made a New Year's Resolution to be less of a bitch...

CRUSHER: OK, one more time, from the top: "Let's do the Time Warp again..."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Troi: "Who is thinking, 'Oh, bitch, puhleeze! You call that a plunging neckline?'"

Data: "Oh, no! Armus has somehow activated my 'He-Man Woman Haters' Club' subroutine!"

Picard: When I realized how much time I was spending in one-on-one meetings with each of you discussing your embarrassing private personal problems, I decided to try saving time by multitasking. So...who wants to go first?"

Picard: "No, I'm alright, Counselor. I'm just...I'm just very, very tired."
Troi: "Captain, just exactly what is it you do in this 'Vash on Risa' holodeck program of yours?"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Troi: "I sense... much man cleavage on this planet, commander."

Riker: "Thanks, Sherlock."

Data: "Stop right there! Or I'll vacuum all the dust off of your face!"

Worf: "One of you is the murderer. I've locked all the doors until the inspector from Scotland Yard arrives."

Picard: "If you must know, counselor, I was playing bridge at the senior center."

Romulan Commander: (offscreen) "Excellent, my brainwashed minions, you've finally captured- wait, that's not Captain Picard! You idiots, you've captured his stunt double!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN: Let the executions commence!!!!!

TROI: Wait...what?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Freeze or the crappy set gets it!

WORF: And the final reason I should be Head of Security is, I won't go down like a chump when someone invades the ship.

TROI: You seem a bit flustered, Captain

PICARD: Tits, nothing..er breast forget I said...I got to cleave...Dammit put a shirt on!!!!!

RIKER: I'll take Data.

PICARD: I chose Beverly..

WES (thinking): I'm gonna get picked last again, even after Not Picard!

 

[inflatabledalek]

Riker: look, Tasha, you've got to start showing some cleavage as well to impress the aliens or you'll never last the season.

Data: Doctor, your hair is terrible. Give me five minutes and I'll sort it out for you with my handy home perm device...

Worf: ...and my plan is that by the time we do movies I'll be a more popular character than at least two of you.

Picard: I don't know how Kirk managed to do that once an episode.

Data: Fasinating, looking at the replies in this thread it seems everyone in the galaxy had noticed the starbase commander looks like a poor man's Patrick Stewart... except our casting director.

Worf: Look at half the other people in this caption they cast as well, it's clear they were insane.

Crusher: Hey!

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks again

Troi: I love this place. I wonder where I can get one of those shirts

Data: What do you mean you told them about my off switch? Soong program 001 activated

Picard: Apparently, someone needs to be advised that certain things on my desk are not edible

Picard: Be a dear, & get us some lemonade & more towels

Creepy guy: & this photo is of my trip to a Greek bath house. Ever been to a Greek bath house Wesley?

 

[Isis]

Yoga instructor: "Hey, everybody, my chest is over here."

Picard: "Mr. Data, I concede one should take pride in one's original contributions, but this is not the time to use your bulls#!t detect...uh...illuminator."

 

[Amasov]

Hey, thanks for picking mine! I'm flattered.

 

[Amasov]

Diana Muldaur liked where this was going.

 

[Gary7]

Deanna: "I'm sensing that these people are planning to force us to into an orgy."
Riker: "You mean you, me, and Tasha? I could live with that."
Deanna: "Data included."
Riker: *stunned silence*

Data: "Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, er the other side he see!"
Picard: "Data, I told you to stop watching Monty Python. It has contaminated your neural net. Geordi?"
Geordi: "Answer the three questions, Beverly."

Data: "It is an amazing likeness, sir."
Picard: "Who'd have thought it. A cardboard cut out of Lt. Worf, only $20 on SpaceBay."

The fly on the wall was finally spotted.

 

[ustraffic]

Good,

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Dr. Crusher, I must ask you to stop. I believe it is hammertime.

 

[Ayelbourne]

Cleavage to the right of him,
Cleavage to the left of him,
ripp'd and push'd up,
tend'd to with razor and lotion.
Boldly, he knelt without motion
betwixt the bussoms of bliss,
betwixt the mouths craving for kiss,
knelt, unblinking, Will Riker.

 

[boco]

Data: And you can not return back to the ship unless you find a date for Welsey, to keep him away from saving the ship every day and away from the bridge. That is am order!

Riker: Imzadi, I think you can close up your mouth now. Afterall, it's just a hairless chest..

 

[Isis]

Worf: "Don't look at me. Wesley put sugar on the gagh, so I HAD to eat all the pizza."

Troi: "I sense you need a shower."

Picard: "And we pay you how much?"

 

[Gary7]

Announcer (OS): "And the winner for most ridiculous outfit goes to...... Wesley Crusher!"
Data: "Congratulations, Wesley."
Wesley: (visibly upset) "Hey, who submitted me for that??"

Tasha had to stifle her laughter