TOS Caption Contest #246: Touched By A Vulcan!

[A.V.I.A.F.]

It’s that time again! Here are:

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I can hear Shatner in this so perfectly....

Kirk: "But enough about me. Let's talk about you! What do you think about me?"

Always nice to know that there is at least one other person out there whose sense of humour is just a tad sicker than mine....

Adams: "Why spend billions in credits on a fancy chair? I cracked her across the forehead with a brick, and she's been like this ever since. Her eyes are a little out of focus, but other than that she's fine."

Someone please PhotoShop a red hunting cap on her already….

Lenore: KILL DA WABBIT! KILL DA WABBIT! KIIIEEL DA WABBIT! KILL DA WABBIT.

Next shot—Spock and Tal high-five....

Spock: As you can see, Subcommander Tal, my Bitch Detector has a foolproof record of service.

More like coasters, but it works for me....

SCOTT: I like what you're serving under those placemats, lass!

Would anyone have noticed the transfer if he had?....

Kirk: I knew I should have sent Scotty on this landing party.

Let us not forget the:

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Not a concert I want to see, but great work....

Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Psycho Chicks!

And they’re green too!....

Spock: Tic Tac?

Daystrom may not have approved, but building on another’s work is always welcomed here:

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BRAXTON: Damn it, Janeway. Stop traveling to this time period and bothering Kirk!!!!!

JANEWAY: I'll never stop till he pays for what he did to Great Grandma Lester!!!

Braxton: Look, I just stopped future Noah Lessing from getting you killed on the Caretakers array. You owe me one.

Congratulations to the winners and thanks to all who entered! This round: Spock touches people in his own special way.

*****IMPORTANT NOTE: based on your replies I have decided to try out a new category for the TOS Captions Game which I like to call Non Sequitur. Basically, I upload a photo of a TOS cast member (recurring or guest appearance) that is non-Trek and you have to put it into a TOS context by use of a clever caption, Photo -Shopping, or both! I think this might be a fun addition to the game. Time will tell. Have at it!*****
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[NathanielM]

Spock demonstrates his WWE move, The spock-o-claw

Kirk: Damn this guy weighs a ton.
Spock: Agreed.

Spock: Cheer up crewman, Yeoman Rand isn't your type.

Scotty: Oh shit, i just crapped myself.

Spock: You are in my power, you are getting really sleepy.... Sleeeeeepy...

Spock listens to the obcene thoughts of Van Gelder in utter amused silence.

Shatner: Hey baby want to put oil on my rug?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

"Ohhhh, yeah. Now a little to the right. Thaaaat's it."

Girl: "Could you spread some of this suntan lotion on my back for me?"
Kirk (thinking): "Lame. Most guys would think this is paradise. But I've been to Wrigley's Pleasure Planet!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Spock: Gentlemen, I must point out that now is not the time on Sprockets when we dance.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Say...Can I... use.... that?"

Girl: "You don't put olive oil on ham."



.

 

[Isis]

When McCoy complained, "I'm a doctor, not a chiropractor," Spock was able to jump right in.

Scotty: "Spock me lad, ye mean to tell me ye couldna accomplish the same thing with a Breathe Right(R) Strip?"

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the win! (And, yeah, Elann's costume may look like coasters, but I was referring to Theiss making some costumes for the episode out of plastic placemats.)

SPOCK: Spandex? Most illogical. I suggest velour.

SPOCK: May I cut in?
KIRK: I paid for this dance!

SPOCK: Yes, Ensign, that is how the Captain makes little Captains. Steady as she goes.

SPOCK: My mind to your...shit...you aren't Scottish at all.
SCOTTY: Aye, and yer birfucation is a bit on the short side, innit?
SPOCK: Blackmail. Logical.

BONES: No, I don't want a mustache ride!

VAN GELDER: Fucking Vulcan foreplay. Just kiss me, already!

SHATNER: Are you familiar with the Captain's Log?
BIKINI BABE: No.
SHATNER: Would you like to be?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "The power of Christ compels you!"
Spock: "That's a hypo-spray, Captain."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: I love this planet. All the food you can eat. Massage with exotic oils. They live up to their slogan "To serve Man".

 

[Bob Karo]

Thanks for the win!

"Ohhhh, yeah. Now a little to the right. Thaaaat's it."

Guy On Left (thinking): I never get a neck rub...

 

[Nerys Myk]

Patrick Warburton, the early years.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MORLA: For some reason I like this better than the dancing girls back home.

SPOCK: They really should put doors on the sonic showers.

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[WinstonSmith]

redshirt steve visits a parallel universe... the 1970's!

 

[inflatabledalek]

Spock loved Hole in the Wall so much he'd do anything to get on it.

Hengist: No, wait, I'm an innocent man! It's all a set up! I mean Christ, we found Scotty over the dead bodies with the blood stained knife in his hands!

Kirk: A likely story "Jack", to the transporter room Mr. Spock. There's only two ways I deal with antagonists, and as this isn't a woman we'll have to settle for horrible death.

Six Months later:

Spock: Ah, so you did kill those women? And in fact have been brutally murdering prostitutes on every planet we've visited since? Bugger. I should turn you in, but then we'd get in trouble for beaming that innocent man into space so...errr... don't do it again.

McCoy: Hey, an evil twin with a beard, just like in Knightrider!

Mirror Spock: You've just brought yourself an evening with the Agoniser for that Doctor.

Spock: Ready for your happy ending Sir?

Shatner: There's two good reasons you've been cast in this...

Spock: Ensign, how many times have you been told that "Simon Cowell trousers" are not regulation?

 

[Gary7]

Redshirt: "Sir, is there some significance to this action?"
Spock: "What?"
Redshirt: "You're massaging my ear lobe, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "My mind, to your mind... your mind, to my--"
** Mr. Spock abruptly stops the mind meld **
Spock: "Captain Tracey, why are you masquerading as Dr. Van Gelder?"
Tracey: "I don't know. I've just been feeling a little unstable lately."

Spock: "Leonard... you have such beautiful eyes."

Spock: "... and then with the other nostril, you inhale the line through a straw or rolled paper currency, like so."

Spock: "This fabric--it's really quite amazing. Is that made of Lycra?"
Guard: "Hey!"

 

[Isis]

Patrick Warburton, the early years.

Co-starring Seann William Scott.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Charles MacAulay: I can't take it anymore...Shatner's overacting is making me dizzy...

 

[Smellincoffee]

Spock: Repeat after me....I can break the laws of physics.

McCoy: GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY VULCAN!

Spock: He's dead, Jim.
McCoy, OS: Dammit, Spock, that's my line.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Scotty: (Sniff/Thinking) 'He's been playing more than tiddly winks, with that young lass'

{While on a secret mission}
Kirk:" Of course I'll help Miss?? (not realizing he would become his own Great, great great great grandfather)