Sexy or Creepy?

[thestrangequark]

Since this isn't a movie (even with Emher's great scene-setting ) I don't think it's possible to properly judge sexy or creepy since we don't have his motives. Is he really French? Has he been propositioning every girl that walked by?

If so that would be kind of hilarious!

 

[Kelthaz]

Nope. Don't buy it. In the real world people don't fall madly, passionately, in love inside of a few minutes to the point of kissing and feeling one another up. At the end of an hours long date?

Perhaps.

But after only having idle chit-chat for a few minutes? I see no real way love could have sparked inside of that time to the point of calling for a deep french kiss and a feel-up.

Since when were we talking about love here?

 

[Trekker4747]

Bullshit. They most certainly do fall in love after a few moments, or haven't you heard of "love at first sight"?

Yes, but I've also heard of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I don't know how "romantic" it is to french and grope someone you've only theoretically known for a few minutes.

It.
depends.
on.
the.
situation.

Nope. Don't buy it. In the real world people don't fall madly, passionately, in love inside of a few minutes to the point of kissing and feeling one another up. At the end of an hours long date?

Perhaps.

But after only having idle chit-chat for a few minutes? I see no real way love could have sparked inside of that time to the point of calling for a deep french kiss and a feel-up.

I assume you've had enough experience to back up this generalization?

 

[thestrangequark]

Bullshit. They most certainly do fall in love after a few moments, or haven't you heard of "love at first sight"?

Yes, but I've also heard of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen to other people. This time wasn't it...no one's talking about love in this instance.

 

[Amaris]

Bullshit. They most certainly do fall in love after a few moments, or haven't you heard of "love at first sight"?

Yes, but I've also heard of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

And? What does that have to do with a romantic encounter? Seriously man, think about what you're comparing. You're going for "fairy tale", except that it fails on every level because love at first sight does happen. It has happened.

Oh, and for the record, there was a Saint Nicholas, and Dentists exist.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Beyond the claims that tsq was assaulted/violated/molested/otherwise preyed upon, the other thing that bothers me about this thread is the bitter cynicism.

 

[Maestro]

Wow. Tsq, I think the real issue here is that a lot of the people posting in this thread just need to get laid.

 

[thestrangequark]

^ I didn't want to say it, but I'm beginning to think so too!

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Nah, they just need a chance encounter with a suave foreigner.

 

[Amaris]

There's nothing wrong with being cautious, but from everything you've said, tsq, you were never in any real danger, and I'm starting to think some people are just scared of other humans. We all react differently to such things, but this is an overreaction to a reaction. That's a new one.

 

[{ Emilia }]

Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen to other people. This time wasn't it...no one's talking about love in this instance.

Trekker only kisses girls when he's absolutely convinced that he LOVES them.

No kissing before marriage!

 

[Amaris]

Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen to other people. This time wasn't it...no one's talking about love in this instance.

Trekker only kisses girls when he's absolutely convinced that he LOVES them.

No kissing before marriage!

I'm the same way. I only kiss married women.

[/this is a joke]

 

[Trekker4747]

Bullshit. They most certainly do fall in love after a few moments, or haven't you heard of "love at first sight"?

Yes, but I've also heard of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

And? What does that have to do with a romantic encounter? Seriously man, think about what you're comparing. You're going for "fairy tale", except that it fails on every level because love at first sight does happen.

I can only believe in things I've experienced. I do not believe in love at first sight, nor am I any longer sure that I believe in love. I do believe that good-looking men who speak French can get tail, though. (No dis-respect to TSQ.)

It has happened.

People have said it has happened. People have also said that Jesus came back to life three-days after he died.

Oh, and for the record, there was a Saint Nicholas, and Dentists exist.

Saint Nicholas =/= a man in a flying sled pulled by flying reindeer who enters homes through a chimney and leaves behind desired consumer goods.

Dentists =/= a magical woman who enters homes of children who have recently lost a tooth in order to collect said tooth and leave behind some sum of money.

 

[Amaris]

I can only believe in things I've experienced. I do not believe in love at first sight, nor am I any longer sure that I believe in love. I do believe that good-looking men who speak French can get tail, though. (No dis-respect to TSQ.)

Well that sucks.

People have said it has happened. People have also said that Jesus came back to life three-days after he died.

You've really got to stop with these analogies. They are not working.

Saint Nicholas =/= a man in a flying sled pulled by flying reindeer who enters homes through a chimney and leaves behind desired consumer goods.

Dentists =/= a magical woman who enters homes of children who have recently lost a tooth in order to collect said tooth and leave behind some sum of money.

Ah, good. You get my point.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Oh dear lord, some of the responses in this thread are so reactionary, so paranoid, and so ridiculous that it's blowing my mind. I can't be bothered to answer each individually, but have to say, while my mind was not made up when I started this thread last night, it's made up now: it was sexy. It was a sexy, romantic, whimsical thing to do. It won't lead to anything, most likely, but it's a nice memory. Emilia, has everything right.
As for why it took me a little time to make up my mind, the reason is simple, and it's certainly not because I was "manipulated," "molested," or "assaulted," it's because the experience pushed the boundaries of what I've done before, it took me slightly out of my comfort zone in a perfectly safe and harmless way. Of course it'll take a little time to make up my mind about how I feel! And I still feel it is incredibly offensive to use words like predator, molestation, or assault to describe what happened. It is both offensive to me, as an intelligent, world-travelled, street savvy individual whose had to take care of herself since she was 12 years old, by presuming that I can't handle myself. And it's offensive to anyone who has actually been a victim of a real assault by diminishing what they've gone through.
Flirting is not molestation! Kissing someone who reciprocates is not assault! What sort of paranoid world are you people living in where this behavior could call for such terms? It blows my mind that I, someone who has actually been molested and sexually assaulted in the past, seem to have a much more healthy attitude toward sex! If I seem defensive toward those who think the behavior was creepy, it's because a lot of those posts are coming of as extremely condescending and subtly sexist. I am a grown woman. I am not naive. I'm not stupid. I don't put myself in dangerous situations but I know how to handle them should they arise.

What a sad, xenophobic life I would be living if I couldn't flirt with a stranger, kiss someone in public, or give a good-looking man my phone number!

As for the boob thing, as it seems to be a point of contention... to those who said the kiss was okay but the copping a feel was too far, how is it that sticking his tongue in my mouth is fine but putting his hand on my breast (over a winter sweater and wool coat, nonetheless!) during a passionate kiss is going too far? What sort of logic is that? It's not as if he stuck his hand down my bra! My goodness!

By the same token, it's kind of misleading to start off the thread with comments like this:

bi-BAM! He Frenches me. Full on, tongue in mouth, hand over breast, other hand on hip, sunset illuminated kiss.

Okay, crazy Parisien man I met 5 minutes ago is Frenching me on the top of the Williamsburg bridge, I think, What do I do?

Now, my usual inclination towards men who decide to kiss me full tongue after 5 minutes idle chit-chat would be a slap in the face. Instead, I kissed him back.

Then he asked for coffee, I said maybe, he gave me his number, and turned back to Manhattan while I turned back to Brooklyn.

So, I'm replaying the scene in my head deciding whether it's sexy or creepy. It's like one of those movie trailers that's recut to different music, to make a romantic comedy look like a thriller or an adventure flick look like a gay drama.

I'm still not sure, and wondering what others think: sexy or creepy?

And then jump on their backs for simply running with one of the two options you presented to them. Granted, some people have gone overboard with it, but you were defensive right from the start if anyone suggested that the guy acted inappropriately, which makes me wonder why you bothered to ask a two-pronged question in the first place.

Maybe it would have been better to wait until your feelings on the matter were more clear before jumping right into posting a thread about it?

It's neither fair nor productive to the discussion to characterize people as having something wrong with them for simply following up on the language you used in your OP and for answering the question you asked them.



Either way, everyone needs to chill with the generalizations and insults toward people who are coming down one way or the other on this issue.

 

[trampledamage]

It.
depends.
on.
the.
situation.

Nope. Don't buy it. In the real world people don't fall madly, passionately, in love inside of a few minutes to the point of kissing and feeling one another up. At the end of an hours long date?

Perhaps.

But after only having idle chit-chat for a few minutes? I see no real way love could have sparked inside of that time to the point of calling for a deep french kiss and a feel-up.

Bullshit. They most certainly do fall in love after a few moments, or haven't you heard of "love at first sight"?

Totally. And, reader, I married him.

(okay, full disclosure, we weren't feeling one another up after the first date, but then I'm British. I certainly wanted to )

 

[Amaris]

Nope. Don't buy it. In the real world people don't fall madly, passionately, in love inside of a few minutes to the point of kissing and feeling one another up. At the end of an hours long date?

Perhaps.

But after only having idle chit-chat for a few minutes? I see no real way love could have sparked inside of that time to the point of calling for a deep french kiss and a feel-up.

Bullshit. They most certainly do fall in love after a few moments, or haven't you heard of "love at first sight"?

Totally. And, reader, I married him.

(okay, full disclosure, we weren't feeling one another up after the first date, but then I'm British. I certainly wanted to )

Stiff upper lip (among other things) and all that!

 

[thestrangequark]

[snip]
By the same token, it's kind of misleading to start off the thread with comments like this:

[snip]
And then jump on their backs for simply running with one of the two options you presented to them.

There was no maliciousness intended on my part, I think it's more a matter of interpretation--and I've said several times already that some of the fault could be laid on me for not being more clear. Perhaps I could have been, but that's the nature of this form of communication, isn't it? It's fairly difficult to not be misunderstood or have your words interpreted differently than intended online!

Granted, some people have gone overboard with it,

And those are the people who irked me. Kestra, for example, voted and voiced her opinion that the encounter was creepy without insulting me, I think it's fair to defend myself against people who are incapable of doing that.

but you were defensive right from the start if anyone suggested that the guy acted inappropriately, which makes me wonder why you bothered to ask a two-pronged question in the first place.

I disagree. And I asked because I was curious what the answer would be, and because, as I said before, I hadn't quite made up my mind yet. I wanted to see what other people thought of such behavior, and I thought the results were interesting. But I'm not going to just sit idly while people either state directly or imply that I'm not capable of taking care of myself.

Maybe it would have been better to wait until your feelings on the matter were more clear before jumping right into posting a thread about it?

Maybe...but hindsight's 20/20 and all...

It's neither fair nor productive to the discussion to characterize people as having something wrong with them for simply following up on the language you used in your OP and for answering the question you asked them.

It was never my intention to do any such thing.

Either way, everyone needs to chill with the generalizations and insults toward people who are coming down one way or the other on this issue.

I can agree with that.

 

[Trekker4747]

People have said it has happened. People have also said that Jesus came back to life three-days after he died.

You've really got to stop with these analogies. They are not working.

No, I think they're making my under lining point. People have said those things about Jesus. Did they actually happen? Can't be proven and everything said is just belief in what is essentially fairy tales people have built entire religions around.

Saint Nicholas =/= a man in a flying sled pulled by flying reindeer who enters homes through a chimney and leaves behind desired consumer goods.

Dentists =/= a magical woman who enters homes of children who have recently lost a tooth in order to collect said tooth and leave behind some sum of money.

Ah, good. You get my point.

No... I don't think you understand. The Tooth Fairy is in no way, shape, or form a "dentist." A dentist is a doctor who works on your teeth. A tooth fairy is a make-believe story we tell children in order to help them cope with the pain and drama of losing a primary tooth. It's a fairy tale.

Santa Claus is pretty much the same thing, sure he was inspired by a real-life Saint in some way or another but that Saint has pretty much nothing to do with Santa Claus who is a make-believe person we tell children about in order to... Actually I don't think I know why we do the Santa thing. He's not real is my basic point.

Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen to other people. This time wasn't it...no one's talking about love in this instance.

Trekker only kisses girls when he's absolutely convinced that he LOVES them.

No kissing before marriage!

Not at all. But, I'm a gentleman. Not to say this guy wasn't one we honestly do not know his intentions. But if I'm going to respect a woman's boundaries and personal space and not going in for a kiss (a french kiss no-less) after having only known her for a few minutes. That, to me, is just rude. I wouldn't even kiss a woman at the end of a first date aside from maybe a sweet kiss on the cheek or something depending on the date and how I feel about things.

And you certainly don't have to be in "love" to kiss, have sex, fool around or whatever (but it certainly helps). But for the times I had sex is with a woman I loved. I'm not one to just knock boots with someone just because we happen to be in the same place at the same time and we're both willing.

But, then again, I'm not the kind of person to get any kind of attention from women no matter what I do.

I also find it somewhat insulting to all the women out there who've been molested or raped to suggest that they didn't know what they were doing and essentially put them selves in the situation they were in. TSQ says she's street savvy enough to not let herself get in that sort of situation and she felt in control of it and could have stopped it anytime she wanted to. And I believe her and given her apparent history in this manner it is probably true.

At the same time I'm sure a lot of women who are victims of sexual assault felt the same way before things got too far and then they couldn't stop things. She says she's not a [fool] and is street-wise enough to know these things. I'd think the other 5-million or whatever New Yorkers all think the same thing. Rapes can happen to people who think they can fight one off.

What really happened here? Only that guy truly knows or can answer the question as he's the other-side of this equation.

TSQ apparently enjoyed herself, came out of the experience with a good story and a romantic rush and was unharmed by it. So, good for her.

I still think that guy was a creep who knows how to play his angles in order to get a cheap thrill. He may not be a rapist or whatever, but just someone who knows how to work his way into a one-night-stand but just didn't manage to get a first down here.

I wouldn't go as far as to say TSQ was molested or anything like that here (and if I implied as such above it was un-intended or a product of first thoughts) but I do think she was played by an Operator.

It all just makes me hate good-looking French guys that much more, and I've got a good history of hating good-looking guys and good-looking French guys.