DS9 Caption Contest #40: Nobody Messes With The Sisko!

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday to everyone!

First up to the plate, we have the "Please pull up to the Drive Thru Window" Award, going to:

Kira: We're under attack! Engage emergency French Fry lighting.

Next up, we have the "Careful, they're listening..." Award, going to:

Kira: "Not another fullscreen ad!"
O'Brien: "That's it, I'm installing Ad Blo..."
Kira: "SHH! You mustn't speak of that!"

Next, we have the "That's True, but we still discuss it on the TrekBBS" Award, going to:

Bashir: Didn't your people used to have pink blood?

Martok: We do not talk about it with outsiders!

Next, we have the "Practical Jokes" Award, going to:

O'Brien: "Announcing over the intercom that the last crewman to reach Quarks' would be fired. Classic, sir"

Sisko: "My satisfaction increases with every second of footage. Yet simultaneously I feel the twinge of guilt".

Next, we have the "Good Idea?" Award, going to:

SISKO: Maybe if I shave my head...

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Sisko: (thinking) I need to be more badass...

Sisko thinking: "I wanted to be HD!"

Thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all of our winners!

The TNG Character Caption Contest Showdown is closing in on the Home Stretch! Tomorrow, the last 2 finalists will be decided! If you haven't voted, Please Do! After the final four have been determined, I'll start the final round of the Klingon Belly Laughs Showdown!

Now, I've been saying for weeks that soon we would start the DS9 Character Caption Contests, and today they begin! Who else could start such a venture, but The Sisko himself?

Happy Captioning!

 

[LeadHead]

Sisko: So what you're trying to say is... The Bird is the Word?

Bashir: (thinking) Dear God, not again!

Sisko: And with just the turning of this knob, the original Enterprise was able to go to Warp!

Kira: No! Don't shoot at the Commander! You'll kill us all!

Sisko: So... do you like Gladiator films?

Bolian Admiral: And then I said to Odo, "You can change shape all you want, but you'll never change my mind!"

Odo: Now you know why I didn't want to be in the room for this call.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Keys, Mr Worf. You are in no condition to drive.

WORF: Thass crazzy...hey, Basshhhir, you gotta twin.

SISKO: This is some party! I'm gonna crank this up to 11!!!!!

DAX: Er,I'm the only one who showed up.

SISKO: I'm Ben Bloody Sisko, dude. I dodge phaser beams and spit out photon torpe.... ( drops to floor)

KIRA ( sighs): He's gotta stop reading about himself on the internet.

SISKO: A bill, you didn't say anything about having to pay!!!

BOLIAN: You dump Jello Boy yet?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Cal Hudson: Set phaser to Nipple Tweak!!

 

[Rush Limborg]

Sisko: We didn't want to come to you...but we had no choice. We need this done now...and you're the only one who can do it.

Spooky Dude: Your sacrifice will not go unappreciated.

Bashir: Save it. We hate this whole thing--but it's necessary.

Spooky Dude: Of course, Doctor.

Sisko: Now...how long?

Spookey Dude: Not long. Within a month...these Hollywood bigshots will give you what you want.

Sisko: And they'll make the film?

Spookey Dude: They will make a Deep Space Nine film--I will make them an offer they can't refuse....

Dr. Noah: OBSERVE! All I need to do is turn this gague--HERE--and I will annihilate ALL the weapons arsenals of the world powers--and they will ALL...BOW...BEFORE ME!!!

Prof. Bare: So...what do all the other ones do?

Dr. Noah: Nothing. They're just there to make the panel look intimidating.

And to think Sisko had initially thought that "repellant-armor material" was overkill....

Could switching to GEICO--really save you--15% or more...on car insurance...?

Can the Extreme Close-Up make anything seem...suspensful?

Sisko: So what would you recommend?

Worf: The rokeg blood pie is superb, and first-rate. However...

Sisko: However...?

Worf: How easily do you get heartburn?

Klingon Waiter: May I...take your orders, sirs...?

Admiral: "Sisko! Is it just me, or do you look a bit like Picard in that light?

Odo: Hmph! That's what I said....

 

[Bob Karo]

Thanks for the win!

Kira: Oh, prophets! They've shot the commander!

Bashir: Don't they know that'll just make him angry?

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Noah: "You have failed me for the last time, doctor."

He fiddles with the switches for a few seconds.

Noah: "Damnit, which one of these is the trapdoor to the alligator pit?"

Captain Sisko uses his famous nipple beam to disarm Cal Hudson.

Sisko: "Alright, Odo, lean into it a little more... perfect! Now just stand there and don't move an inch or I'll loose the signal."

 

[Rush Limborg]

Sisko: "Alright, Odo, lean into it a little more... perfect! Now just stand there and don't move an inch or I'll loose the signal."

Odo: Hmph! Why can't you just get cable, like everyone else?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Captain Sisko uses his famous nipple beam to disarm Cal Hudson.

Eh hem.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BOLIAN: So, "cousin". What else can you tell me about the "wonderful" Commander Sisko.

SISKO (whispering): He's not buying it, is he?

ODO: Nope.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Dr Bashir thought Commander Sisko's description of what he was going to do to Dukat was not only inappropriate but also anatomically incorrect when applied to Cardassians.

Dr Noah: ... and this button erases Samuel L Jackson from history. No one gets to be more bad ass than me.

Major Kira and Dr Bashir were astonished when they first saw Sisko's prosthetic nipple gun in action.

ETA:

Sisko: I didn't order Kreplach, did you?

Odo refused to watch the Blu-ray version of The Next Generation because they had cropped it from 4:3 to 16:9.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Doctor seductively: "Oh, Noah..."

Noah looks down at cigar: "Damn you Bill Clinton, you have a lot to answer for."

 

[Mistral]

Dr. Noah: "You see those two red dots on the map, Dr Bare? When I twist this knob they are going to change to blue! Bahahahahaha!"

Dr. Bare: "Um, ok?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Odo: "Would you two hurry it up! I can't keep my ass morphed into a jumbo viewscreen much longer!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Sisko: You've got to cup them like this.

DJ Dayum Skippy Sisko: Here be some funky beats for you bitches to dance to!

[Nimoy's "Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" starts playing]

Dax: What the fuck?!

[everyone standing in position for five minutes]

Bolian: Uh, how... how do you turn this thing off then?

Odo: Oh For heavens sake! F7 you moron!

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Sisko: (slowly clenching fingers) "I find your lack of pagh disturbing."
Crewman: {gasps for air}

Applying deodorant in the 24th Century was a risky undertaking.

Sisko: "Sisko to Odo. Report to my office."
Odo: "What? say again, Captain?"
Sisko: "What was that? Could you repeat that, Constable?"
Odo: "Huh? Say again?"
Sisko: "What?"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Sisko: "Sisko to Odo. Report to my office."
Odo: "What? say again, Captain?"
Sisko: "What was that? Could you repeat that, Constable?"
Odo: "Huh? Say again?"
Sisko: "What?"

Genius

 

[huskers57]

Sisko: "Alright...gimme my baseball."

We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Dax. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking and beeping and flashing - they're *flashing* and they're *beeping*. I can't stand it anymore! They're *blinking* and *beeping* and *flashing*! Why doesn't somebody pull the plug!

Kira: "OOOOHHH!! Look at the pretty fireflies!"

 

[Gary7]

Sisko: "This isn't working. I'm like totally lost without spinning my vinyl!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Sisko: These early VCRs sure are complicated.