How much do you have in common with your parents?

[Goji]

I'm not really talking about hair color, height, weight or genetic conditions. I'm talking more about interests and personalities.

I ask because I have a lot in common with my mom. We're really similar people who react to situations about the same way, have about the same disposition and views on life. We like the same kind of music and movies. I mean, there are differences too of course. But by and large we sync up well.

That isn't true about me and my dad. We don't have problems getting along... most of the time, that is. But we have practically nothing in common. When I was younger I just dealt with the fact that I wasn't like him, didn't want to listen to his music or watch his movies. But now that I'm older I get to express myself more and it becomes really obvious a lot of the time that we couldn't be more different.

Like I said, I guess I am lucky in that we don't have problems getting along as a result. But it's interesting to me that I could be so like one of my parents and so unlike another, particularly since I would say that both raised me equally and I'm not one who has a "favorite" parent.

So, what about you people?

 

[PKTrekGirl]

First, I should say that I am adopted....so what I am about to say might be of interest in any nature vs. nurture discussion.

I don't have much in common with either of my adoptive parents, except for stuff that can be taught. For example, I have their values, and for the most part, their politics.

However, about 7 years ago I had occasion to meet and spend several days with my biological father. And it was the spookiest experience of my life, because we had so much in common.

I was born & raised in South Florida, but moved to Alaska as a young adult, spent well over a decade there, and absolutely love it. I love the outdoors, am definitely a 'cold weather person', and am fascinated with Arctic exploration and mountaineering - even have a large library on these topics.

My bio father is a doctor who flies around rural Maine in a float-plane to deliver care...and every summer used to fly to....wait for it.....Alaska! He'd fly up there with his plane club, and spend a few weeks each year staying with a guy whose house was less than 3 miles from my own.

My bio-father's house in Maine is on a lake (sort of the whole "Walden" thing - I just LOVED it)...and is decorated with an array of Alaskan stuff - trinkets, art, etc. He'd have moved to Alaska if his wife had agreed to do so. His library is stuffed with books about Arctic exploration and mountaineering...and one of the coolest things I have ever done is go night canoeing with him on this lake, listening to the loons. It was tremendous.

Even odd little 'quirks' are common. For example, one afternoon I was sitting in his library flipping through one of his books, and his wife came in and turned on the overhead light, commenting that I 'didn't need to sit in the dark'. When I told her that I don't like ceiling lighting at all (it feels harsh and antiseptic to me) and much prefer lamps (lamps make me feel warm and cozy), her mouth dropped open. Turns out, my bio-father has the same 'aversion' to overhead lighting, and for the same reasons.

After this experience, I became much more of a believer in genes. Not for everything, mind you - values, as I said, I believe are taught.

But interests, preferences, and odd little quirks. Some of those, I am convinced, come with the genes....alot more than we realize.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

I have nothing in common with my mother or late father.

In fact my mom and I are such polar opposites that it still causes problems between us today.

My dad, well I probably am like him, he was very distant and almost unfeeling. I mean, you could tell him that your dog died and he would look at you and say "And?" because it didn't matter to him, my dad was also in his mid-forties when they had me. He was also very very very judgmental, and that caused a few problems for my older sisters and for me for a short time before he died.

My mom was a cross between flighty and stern, she expected way too much from my little sisters and when I came along, the closest sister to me was seven, she had given up so I always saw her act like she had never grown up. She was very wise though, I learned a lot about hairstyles for her. And she was very flirty.

Me, somewhere in between I guess.

 

[Spot's Meow]

I was just thinking about this earlier today. I am very similar to my father but nothing like my mother. However, I am very unlike both my parents in terms of politics and cultural attitudes. My dad and I are both very organized, we plan everything and notice every little detail. We are shy, quiet, hard working, sarcastic, anxiety-ridden, and prefer to be alone. We understand jokes that no one else in the family does and we often have the same way of thinking about situations.

My mom is very different. She is an outgoing, social, very glass-half-full type. She doesn't plan ahead at all and has a "things will work out" attitude. Wherever we go, even across the country, she seems to run into someone she knows. She is also athletic and doesn't like to watch any of the same shows or movies that my dad and I do.

I have always gotten along great with my mom. Because she is so friendly and just goes with the flow, it is quite easy for anyone to get along with her, even someone like me. I can't remember ever fighting with her, even when I was a teenager. However, I don't get along at all with my dad. Mostly because of those political and cultural differences I noted before. That wasn't always the exact subject of the argument, but looking back on it now it seems to be the root of a lot of our problems. Also, my dad has major control issues due to things he has experienced in his life, which made things difficult for me.

The sister that is next in line after me is just like my mom. The third daughter is like no one else in the family (and I don't get along with her at all). The youngest is actually a perfect combination of my mom and dad. She's intelligent, sarcastic, methodical, yet she is also outgoing and athletic.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I am a LOT like my dad. It is a big part of why we get along so well. We see ourselves in each other. We are both very methodical, serious (me more than him on that point...my dad can laugh easier than I can) and temperamental.

My dad loves baseball as well. In fact he has seen games at every major league ballpark in existence. (And some that no longer do.) I've taken up that quest, although it will take some time before I reach it.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

*sigh* My parents crashed the Jehovah's Witness' annual conference today.

They thought they were going to the United Methodist one.

It wasn't till they sat down and got a program that they realized what they'd done.

True story.

Top that- I dare ya.

 

[Kirkman1987]

My mother has sadly been ruined by drugs I fear. She's obnoxious, loud, and dumbed down to the point that people around her at family gatherings are uncomfortable. I avoid her as much as possible.

On the other hand, My father and I are very similar. We both have a laid back attitude and share many small physical quirks.

 

[captcalhoun]

not really, no.

 

[Amaris]

I have very little in common with my parents. What I do have in common is easy to spot. For example, my sense of humor comes from my mother, and we like similar music styles. Other than that, not much.

 

[auntiehill]

I have some things in common with my parents:

Mom: love of animals, love of travel, enjoying the holidays, a sweet-tooth, a love of art, books, movies. We're both homebodies who keep our own company and only have one or two close friends. We have a similar sense of humor and similar gestures. We both like kids, like to give gifts, and tend not take certain things so seriously. I think I also picked up her lack of self-esteem. Physically, we look very much alike.

Dad: a love and interest in language, education, and world events. An appreciation for museums and architecture, an appreciation for British Humor, and a tendency to judge others. We also both have a tendency to be very unforgiving.

I admire my Mom greatly. Dad? Not so much. His intellect was pretty much all he had going for him as a person, and now he's losing it due to Alzheimer's. Mom and I were always friends, but I never remember having fond feelings of any kind for my Dad.

 

[MLJames]

I know of a couple of things I have in common with my father: love of chocolate and my temper. Both of us are slow to anger, but when we do go, watch out! I have to admit my boiling point is lower than his, but in compensation his reactions were stronger. Fortunately for everyone else in the family, with us it's all cussing. Neither one of us are hitters.

I honestly don't know if I have anything in common with my mother. She died when I was 7, and she was ill for several years before that. As a result, I don't really remember her, sad to say; if I didn't have photographs, I wouldn't even know what she looked like.

 

[Kronos]

Well, we have the same last name.

Seriously though I see a lot of similarities with my parents, and a lot of huge differences, I think that's best.

 

[TerokNor]

Have parts of both of them.
Am as stubborn as my father and as caring for all living things as my mother.
All three of us are people who feel emotion very strongly (but cope with it and show it very differently...which leads to trouble sometimes).
I´ve also got my honesty and sense of justice from both of them.
My mother is very spiritual, my father has no faith whatsoever and I am right in the middle, with hope, but doubt.... though sometmes I think my father wishes to have a bit hope in that way too...hmm...
Both, but especially my father, love the ocean. He was in the Navy (Marine) and also now is out in the wide blue with his boat whenever is time. I share the love for the sound of the waves and the cries of the seagulls with him.
My mother and I have, not an equal, but a similiar, taste when it comes to colour and home decoration...and even sometimes with clothes (which is shocking *L*).
What else? Hmm, my parents are loyal characters to family and friends and I have a high loyalty as well, as long as it does not interfer with my sense of justice. And I am very forgiving, which is a trait of my mother.
Oh and my father and I are both more on the lax side when it comes to household (opposite to my mother who is very, very orderly).
Theres more probably, that I can´t think of right now. But yeah I am my parents child, no doubt about that.... though I have also many personality traits and interests, that I cannot see in them. How it should be.

TerokNor

 

[Jadzia]

I'm not really talking about hair color, height, weight or genetic conditions. I'm talking more about interests and personalities.

My dad likes watching tv and reading his newspaper, and he likes to do those things alone from tea time until bedtime. I don't watch television nor read newspapers. My dad tends to communicate with authority and prejudice. For example, if he wouldn't do something himself, then he might think that nobody should be allowed to do it. In contrast, I like to communicate by comparing personal values and with objective reasoning. He is also short tempered/hypercritical/insulting and prone to stress when things don't go his way, while I am peaceful, patient and agile. I learned at a young age to not get into discussions with him, because our personalities can clash. Overall we have very little in common, but one thing we do have in common is that we both like high quality things, and are both fairly capable at practical (DIY) tasks.

My mum likes watching tv and being house proud, and also likes to spend much of her time alone. We have similar tastes in many things, and generally like each other's choices, although I tend to be at the colourful ornate end of the spectrum, while she tends to be at the bland practical end. One thing we have in common is that we both enjoy and are skilled at cooking. We also have a similar world view and similar values. However, she has always been prone to thoughtless moments and getting ideas muddled up. If I explain to her, she'll understand for about 1 day before reverting back to her original thought, but now armed with the belief that I've told her it. What I really don't like is when she then goes to other people with her original muddled thought and defends it with "Jadzia told me" ~ as that makes me look like the idiot.

 

[CaptainStoner]

You tend to notice it more the older you get, and I think it's inescapable, much to the horror of the 20-something. Yet there are plenty of variations and differences. Neither of my parents held any interest in music. That might have come from a grandparent, or it might just be me, if there is such a thing.
I also think a key part of one's own development is recognizing wrong decisions made by parents, not just to blame them, but to untangle certain patterns that may have emerged. It's very un-PC right now, but I think a necessary thing to do, so that one can consciously choose other patterns with the material they have to work with.

 

[propita]

As for looks, I told a co-worker who was going on jury duty in downtown LA that my Dad would be there--maybe he’d see him: male, 30-year older version of me. Yup! Picked him out of the hundreds of people there and talked with him. Dad was the only person my co-worker approached. Dad and I also had the same prescription for glasses, but he had more astigmatism.

As for personality, I’m told that when Dad and I would argue/debate, it was “like watching someone argue with a mirror.” After a fight with Hubby, I asked my parents for advice, even play-acting the fight with me as Hubby and Dad as me, to figure out what I might’ve said. Useless. When I repeated Hubby’s “line,” Dad said almost word-for-word what I had said, until I pointed out that the next thing he said could escalate everything. Dad said he had no idea how to respond then and asked what I had said. I told him that that was when I came over to their house asking for help. His advice? "Ask your mother.”

When I met Dad’s cousins, they kept saying, “She looks just like Stan,” and said I sounded just like him too. Hubby says they even deferred to me as if I were him (he was the oldest cousin left).

I was always told, “you’re your father’s daughter” to the point that Mom said she only carried me, that I was Dad’s in every other way. Everyone, including me, thought I’d be an engineer like him, too. I was, in a way and for a while. Mostly because everyone told me that, I think. Yet many have commented that I look like Mom, sound like Mom, and act like Mom. Where my siblings take after the sides of the family, I take directly after my parents.

The one obvious way I’m not like my parents? They were never good with money. Not horrible, but never seemed to have much. My siblings were worse (both declared bankruptcy), but have improved as they’ve gotten older and got a chunk of money. I was always careful, mainly because I didn’t like what they did and was determined to be different.

 

[thestrangequark]

I can see pieces of myself in both my parents. My dad's obsessive compulsive tendencies, my mom's neuroses, but overall we are very different. I get along far better with my mom than with my dad. Though my dad and I share interests, specifically science fiction and music, I often feel awkward and uncomfortable around him these days. I don't approve of his alcoholism, I don't share his religion, and there are some very fundamental ideals I hold that are in perfect opposition to his. My mom and I are more similar philosophically, and that makes her easier company in that sense.
On the other hand, my mother and I both have bipolar disorder (though hers, in combination with PTSD and DID from years of child abuse, and affected by heroin use, is far more severe than mine). My friend asked me once if it wasn't easier to talk to her about mental health issues knowing that she's gone through the same thing. I find that it's not. In fact, it makes me feel more embarrassed. My friend couldn't understand this until I related it to going through puberty. Talking to one's mother about developing boobs and pubes isn't made any less embarrassing by the fact that she has them too!
Also, both my parents have gone through severe addictions. My father is still an alcoholic, my mom used and stopped using drugs. I, on the other hand, have no trouble with addiction. I like to smoke a cigarette about once every two years socially. I drink about three times a year and have never drank enough to be really hungover. Out of college I went through a severe depressive phase which I self-medicated with benzos (not prescribed to me), and at one point I thought, "Uh-oh, I'm taking this a bit much, better stop," and I gave them up cold-turkey. I felt crappy for a couple of days but it wasn't hard.

So, I guess the ultimate answer is yes and no.

 

[An Officer]

Tough one. My father, I don't know, so we'll set that one aside. My mother passed on her musical tastes to me - an appreciation for Bob Marley, Tina Turner, and Simply Red, particularly. She has given me a love of dancing, I remember many evenings listening to 80's music and dancing. She is strong and capable, I guess I am that as well, if in different ways. She is a Libran and is very calm and measured, doesn't get rattled very easily at all, and is quite emotionally intelligent, I am none of those things, not even close. She is pragmatic and stoic. We are polar opposites in every way almost, and the older I became, the more we butted heads. Perhaps I will understand her more when I am older myself.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I also think a key part of one's own development is recognizing wrong decisions made by parents

Perhaps. I'm afraid I personally can't do that, though. For one very simple reason: My dad has never made a wrong decision.

(You think I'm joking? Think again.)

 

[propita]

I also think a key part of one's own development is recognizing wrong decisions made by parents

Perhaps. I'm afraid I personally can't do that, though. For one very simple reason: My dad has never made a wrong decision.

(You think I'm joking? Think again.)

Is that for real, or in his own mind, MLB?

I agree with the Captain’s statement. Hopefully, the parents were doing their best, so learning the decision-making process remains mostly intact. My parents always said that Hubby and I over-analyze. I gotta say, I’d much rather over-analyze and come to a good decision than screw up with under-analysis. A counselor we saw said that we come to the best decision possible made at that time with the available information--different information or time could result in a different decision--and that this was a GOOD thing. But likely to be frustrating when dealing with others.