I'm desperate -- send cute, send anti-cute, send almost anything!
Can you tell I'm having a bad day?!
Part of it is that my wound vac was acting up, so they had to change the dressing on the relevant part of the incision a day early. Unfortunately, they'll have to change it again tomorrow anyway, because I have a doctor's appointment, and she has to be able to see what's going on under the dressing. BTW, the reason I hate extra dressing changes so much is that, except when done by the very most gentle nurses, they're really painful. Grrrr.
On top of which something that one of the nurses said today, totally innocently, reminded me of a detail about the rape that I hadn't thought of in a long time, and I went into a PTSD meltdown. Spent half the day crying hysterically (yes, right throughout the dressing change and a couple other things).
A few weeks ago, I commented to someone that the cancer and surgery had thrown my PTSD back to where it was just a few weeks after the rape. What I realized today is that it's actually worse than that -- my symptoms are now worse than they have ever been. One rape plus one life-threatening illness (and all the incapacitating crap that comes with it) apparently equals not two, but three or four or maybe even five.