I try to pretend certain things don't matter to me and at times feel like just giving up. I cannot help but feel that the most important thing to me isn't worth giving up no matter how bad things are stacked against me.
What is this important thing?
Finding someone that I can love with all my heart and be with the rest of my life. A partner, a friend, a lover...someone who IS my better half...the person that completes me.
I have this dream of finding the perfect lady(to me) and having the most beautiful wedding and living a life of pure joy.
I know life has it's ups and downs and nothing is perfect...but more than anything I want to enjoy life with a woman I can love unconditionally and have a family and not repeat the mistakes of those who came before me.
Am I asking too much to want a person I can love, honor and cherish for the rest of my life?
I just wish I was in the position do receive what I am hoping for.
You may now tear my little rant to shreds.
You self absorbed son of a-
Actually, let's talk. I want you to do two things:
1]
Relax. Life is never as bad as we think it is, even when it's as bad as we think it is.
2] Change the height of your goals. You're never going to find someone who is perfect. No one can live up to the human idea of perfection. What you're looking for is someone compatible, someone to share your life for the good and the bad.
You're not asking too much, but you may be asking the right question the wrong way. Don't look for 'the perfect lady'. Just as an example, on this board there are hundreds if not thousands of women; All of them men (I'm kidding). They run the gamut of human experience; old, young, naive, seasoned, idealistic, cynical, etc., etc., and I wouldn't describe a single one of them perfect. They can't be perfect, because they're human beings; creatures with foibles and flaws.
With that in mind, lower your extremely high bar standard to a livable level. What would you do with a "perfect lady"? Fawn over her? Defer to her? Stare at her beauty every day? She's going to kick you in the crotch if you keep that up. Most women don't like being viewed as living Goddesses, too beautiful and wondrous to touch.
Oh, most women I know love to be admired and treated with dignity and respect, but seen as perfect? Nope. I repeat this because you need to keep in mind if you search for a perfect lady (to you), you will never find one, as your idea of perfection will not be compatible with the human species. Come down from that requirement of personal perfection. Descend from the clouds and play in the dirt.
It's good to have goals, but don't compare your life to others. All you'll find is that for some you're better off, and for others you'll never reach their level of success. Don't become vain, but don't become bitter either. Do what feels right for you. Measure your successes by those who love you and are loved by you, not by the ups and downs of other couples in other relationships.
Now, on to your ideal partner.
Presentation: Do you shower? Do you trim your nails and comb your hair? Brush your teeth? Do you wear clean clothes? Do you stand up straight when you walk? Do you sit up straight when you're in a chair? Do you look around and observe how others behave and react to one another? This is important.
Interaction: Are you looking? Where? In a social setting, are you open and engaging? Do you smile politely, do you let that smile reach your eyes? Speaking of eyes, do you give others direct eye contact? Don't stare! Along those lines, do you have some confidence in yourself? Are you comfortable with who you are? Are you willing to speak to her and make certain she gets the opportunity to speak in kind, again, giving her direct eye contact (without staring or not blinking! So many people forget this!)?
Everyone gets nervous, but are you nervous because you want to look right, or because you don't feel right? There's a difference. Looking right is okay, but eventually people can see through it and knock you off the social rungs on the ladder. When you
feel right, you believe that you are being yourself and being comfortable with who you are, and that can be seen and felt by others.
It's all in your mind, and it starts with you.
