Relationship Status

[RoJoHen]

Yes

You're right. My apologies. I shouldn't have said they were a myth. I suppose there are asexuals out there, like nuns, monks, eunuchs, etc.

Well mainly its hard to believe because of biological drives. Even if there is no drive to reproduce, homosexuals still want to have sex. The fact that there are those who want no part of it in a sexual species its hard to believe.

RAMA

As someone who has almost no sex drive myself, I don't understand people who are constantly horny and get turned on so easily. There are rare occasions when my sex drive is greater than others, but for the most part I really couldn't care less.

I'm surprised by this poll, I wouldn't have thought there were so many singles who are NOT dating.

I find the notion of dating random people so frequently mind-boggling. I do not develop an attraction to someone until long after I've gotten to know them. I don't just see a girl and go, "I must date her."

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I'm not asexual. I'm sure sex is great, but I aim to only have it with my WIFE, not some random stranger. That's my attitude towards all of this.

I admit I am very lonely and want to find a woman to date and eventually marry. That's what I'm looking for first. Sex can come after all of that.

Why do you make it out to be a black-and-white choice? There is a big spectrum between "wife" and "random stranger." It's not an either/or.

And doesn't he have a right to his beliefs? Don't I have a right to mine? Should we be required to sleep with people before we marry just to satisfy society? That certainly wouldn't be right. People are so quick to assume there is something wrong with people who choose to wait for marriage, these days...I don't think that's right at all.

People aren't entitled to beliefs that conflict so obviously with reality, no.

While Mr. Laser Beam may prefer to wait until marriage, that doesn't mean anyone who doesn't is having sex with "random strangers."

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Yes

You're right. My apologies. I shouldn't have said they were a myth. I suppose there are asexuals out there, like nuns, monks, eunuchs, etc.

Well mainly its hard to believe because of biological drives. Even if there is no drive to reproduce, homosexuals still want to have sex. The fact that there are those who want no part of it in a sexual species its hard to believe.

RAMA

Not so much for me. Certainly that would not be expected to be a large proportion of the population, but in a species that thrives not just on passing of the genes but on ideas as well, such individuals can still be said to serve a purpose even if we only look at it from a biological standpoint without bringing other social and theological points into the discussion.



As for MLB--I don't think that's fair to say his beliefs conflict with reality because they differ from yours and that he is not entitled to practice them. He's not even telling anyone else what they have to do.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

People aren't entitled to beliefs that conflict so obviously with reality, no.

What the hell does THAT mean?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

People aren't entitled to beliefs that conflict so obviously with reality, no.

What the hell does THAT mean?

It means exactly what I said. You proposed two possible categories of "people to have sex with":

* Wife
* Random stranger

While that may be how you perceive it, it is by no means the reality of the situation. There are certainly those who have sex with "random strangers"--one night stands and the like--and then those who date and have sex quickly, and those who wait a while before having sex but still have it before marriage, etc. There is a vast swath between the two extremes you pointed out, but you made it out to be a simple choice between the two.

I don't know why I even have to explain this, I would think it to be fairly obvious.

 

[AstroSmurf]

As someone who has almost no sex drive myself, I don't understand people who are constantly horny and get turned on so easily. There are rare occasions when my sex drive is greater than others, but for the most part I really couldn't care less.

I envy you. My sex drive barely gives me a minute's peace. I try and tune it out but sometimes it screams so loudly that I find it difficult not to pick up random people that pass me on the sidewalk.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Oh, are we talking about sex drives now? Mine goes up and down but stays more on the "up" side.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Robert--To be fair, if you were trying to make a point that different people have different levels of intimacy that they were comfortable with before having sex, I think it could have been phrased far more effectively to get that point across. When I read it, I found it very startling in much the same way I'm sure MLB did: it looked like a statement that could be taken as interfering with the individual's right to religious practice. I would be quite surprised if that was what you actually meant, but that is how your earlier statement could be taken. I think it could have been explained better from the outset.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Meh. Wouldn't have been the first time that people told me I didn't screw often enough.

 

[RAMA]

Meh. Wouldn't have been the first time that people told me I didn't screw often enough.

Well not screw, as much as date and sample what's out there. I'm not saying to screw everyone.

RAMA

 

[RoJoHen]

Depending on your lifestyle and location, meeting and dating lots of people can be difficult. I have a very healthy social life, but I have no idea where I would even find girls to date once a week, even once a month.

 

[RAMA]

I find the notion of dating random people so frequently mind-boggling. I do not develop an attraction to someone until long after I've gotten to know them. I don't just see a girl and go, "I must date her."

I think that's your mistake. I mean I regularly see a smile, a body/feature, a certain style, or even have a casual conversation where I feel I'd want to pursue it further...only then if I were to date them would I find out all the other important stuff. How can you really know someone if you aren't attracted and then date!!? By actually doing this, you are turning "random" women into selected women you target and have interest in. Trust me, there are "random" women you will never have interest in and will remain random.

RAMA

 

[RoJoHen]

I find the notion of dating random people so frequently mind-boggling. I do not develop an attraction to someone until long after I've gotten to know them. I don't just see a girl and go, "I must date her."

I think that's your mistake. I mean I regularly see a smile, a body/feature, a certain style, or even have a casual conversation where I feel I'd want to pursue it further...only then if I were to date them would I find out all the other important stuff. How can you really know someone if you aren't attracted and then date!!?

It's not a mistake; it's just the way I function. I do not, nor have I ever, been attracted to a girl I wasn't friends with first. Well, no, that's not true. I just have a knack for being attracted to women who are already in relationships, so even if I wanted to pursue, I wouldn't.

Plus, as I said upthread, I do not meet that many girls to strike up random conversations with. I don't even know where I would find them.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Plus, as I said upthread, I do not meet that many girls to strike up random conversations with. I don't even know where I would find them.

The internet. I've known MANY people who don't naturally strike up conversations with strangers who got a lot out of okcupid or whatever. Often it was just good conversations and sometimes it was a new social group.

 

[RoJoHen]

Yeah, I met one girl on the internet last year and went out with her a couple times. It was fine until she told me that she was moving 3 hours away. At that point we hadn't gotten to know each other well enough for me to put any effort into keeping in touch.

And for me it's not that I dislike talking to strangers. It's that I'm rarely in a situation where strangers seem even remotely appealing. And when I go out with my friends, I like to spend time with my friends. I'm not going out with existing friends in order to meet new people.

It was much easier in college, but now that I'm out in the "real world," I'm just not in situations where I'm exposed to new people that aren't related to my job.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

In fact I actually got DUMPED by a girl once because I wouldn't sleep with her. She flat-out accused me to my face of being gay (I'm not) and not loving her (I DID).

So why didn't you marry her?

I've known a lot of people who waited until marriage and all but one got married very quickly from the time they started seeing the person. Under two years in every case, often under one year. Some of that is because they want to have sex and some is because they are denied the money savings and enjoyment they wanted from combining their lives by living together.. it's an obvious next step but they had to get married to do it. So they did.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

In fact I actually got DUMPED by a girl once because I wouldn't sleep with her. She flat-out accused me to my face of being gay (I'm not) and not loving her (I DID).

So why didn't you marry her?

You're not suggesting I should have married her just for the sex, are you?

To answer your question, we were engaged, but 1) we didn't have enough money to get married at that time, and 2) she basically browbeated me into the engagement in the first place, so it's probably just as well that we didn't get hitched.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

In fact I actually got DUMPED by a girl once because I wouldn't sleep with her. She flat-out accused me to my face of being gay (I'm not) and not loving her (I DID).

So why didn't you marry her?

You're not suggesting I should have married her just for the sex, are you?

No I'm suggesting that if you loved her getting married would be the answer to your problem, which was that you had differing views on sex. Otherwise it's just you saying no, no, no, no, no, no.. you are the one with the thing that must be done first, getting married.

To answer your question, we were engaged, but 1) we didn't have enough money to get married at that time, and 2) she basically browbeated me into the engagement in the first place, so it's probably just as well that we didn't get hitched.

Well if you felt any reluctance to get engaged for sure getting married would not have been a good idea. How long were you going out with her though?

I knew a couple who were engaged for over 10 years, no sex before marriage. Always there was never enough money for a wedding or this relative was too ill to come to a wedding or they didn't have the money to live where they wanted to live after getting married.. and on and on. It was just a bunch of excuses. If you want to BE married you don't have to spend any money on getting married other than the cost of the license. In the end with this couple the guy dumped the woman and ran off and married the first person he dated afterward.

 

[Capn Flukie]

In a relationship.

 

[kitkat]

Married. 12 years this Sunday.