I Want to Get Married

[The Inquisitor]

^ Wow! A face I can now put to the name! I have a generic face I envision for everyone on internet forums but now I can picture you properly.

I usually picture what's in people's avatar as actually typing behind their keyboard: it leads to interesting juxtapositions!

Lol. I know what you mean. I always read posts in my head in the voice of the comic shop guy from the simpsons, I can't help it.

I love the idea of you imagining me as Red Dwarfs inquisitor sat typing away.

 

[BolianAuthor]

Queer Trekkie for the Straight Battlestar Fanfic Author?

LOL... hey, if the Discovery Channel wants to do it, I'm game, lol.

 

[melancholymecha]

ok I have a suggestion, if you go all bald, please dont get a goatee or any facial hair. Im so sick of this look, I see it everywhere on tv & in rl. It makes guys look like thugs, or genies or pirates....

also, yeah lose the mustache, the only time I ever found a guy with a stache attractive was Sharlto Copley in District 9 & I still have no idea why as Ive never liked them...

 

[Listener4]

There are certainly things you can do with your appearance to make yourself more attractive. But the most important thing is what you believe, how you feel about yourself.

As has been mentioned there are terrible people who have no trouble with relationships, and good people who are single.

I've received plenty of compliments on how I dress from both men and women. And several girls have expressed interest in me, but since I won't allow anyone to get close to me, that doesn't really matter.

 

[Jenee]

I love that this thread has turned into a makeover.

I demand more makeovers!

Do me next!!

 

[Shatnertage]

^ Okay....

I think you should wear your hair longer--since you dance so energetically, it would be quite stunning visually to see a flowing mane of hair whipping around.

I'd recommend wearing skirts that are mid-calf length, which will draw attention away from your hips, which are pretty prominent, and lengthen your profile quite nicely.

You should stick to very saturated colors, since anything in the pastel range will get washed out by your white background.

 

[Jenee]

Hmmm. All good suggestions. I'll have to see what ITL can come up with.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

my current house-mate has been single for many years and he refuses downright to change his appearance. He says if a woman cant love him for who he is then he isn't interested.

This.

Why should we change who we are just to attract mates? If a woman doesn't like me because I'm bald, or because I wear baseball gear, or whatever, then why should *I* be the one to change?

The last change I made to my appearance (when I started shaving my head regularly) I did because I wanted to. I am just more comfortable not having hair. If women have a problem with that, well, too bad.

 

[Shazam!]

women are different than men.

You're joking.

 

[Jenee]

Yea...

 

[BolianAuthor]

Well I got rid of the mustache, and I don't really miss it as much as I thought I would. For some reason, I just always felt that I looked better with it, but I guess women see it the other way.

Listener4, how have girls expressed interest in you... do they simply outright come up to you and ask you out, or is there another way you can tell when they're interested?

 

[MetalPants]

my current house-mate has been single for many years and he refuses downright to change his appearance. He says if a woman cant love him for who he is then he isn't interested.

This.

Why should we change who we are just to attract mates? If a woman doesn't like me because I'm bald, or because I wear baseball gear, or whatever, then why should *I* be the one to change?

The last change I made to my appearance (when I started shaving my head regularly) I did because I wanted to. I am just more comfortable not having hair. If women have a problem with that, well, too bad.

While we may decry the shallowness of judging a person by their looks, we are visual creatures and a first impression can set a person's entire concept of you. Besides, if you are attracted to a person, why wouldn't you want to present the best "you" that you could?

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^ Okay....

I think you should wear your hair longer--since you dance so energetically, it would be quite stunning visually to see a flowing mane of hair whipping around.

I'd recommend wearing skirts that are mid-calf length, which will draw attention away from your hips, which are pretty prominent, and lengthen your profile quite nicely.

You should stick to very saturated colors, since anything in the pastel range will get washed out by your white background.

Excellent advice. You might be able to turn this into a career. "Avatar stylist."

Well I got rid of the mustache, and I don't really miss it as much as I thought I would.

I'm delighted that you're actually trying some of our suggestions. Not everyone who asks for advice really wants it.

 

[BolianAuthor]

^

Thank you. No, when I ask for advice, I take it... especially here, because finding someone is something I want literally more than anything.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

if you are attracted to a person, why wouldn't you want to present the best "you" that you could?

There's a difference between simple cleanliness/personal grooming (which I regularly engage in) and completely changing who you are and what you look like.

 

[STR]

how have girls expressed interest in you... do they simply outright come up to you and ask you out, or is there another way you can tell when they're interested?

It's pretty rare to get asked out by a girl. It happens, but you rarely get a response that...straightforward. A lot of women won't ever do it, feeling like it's the man's job to take some initiative. Some are more confident and enlightened, but don't bet your whole game on that. I've never been asked out personally. I get the occasional unsolicited flirt from time to time though.

In general, a lot of women think that just talking to you or hanging around you in a social gathering is expressing enough interest. Uninterested women very quickly find someone else (usually another woman) to chat with. Still, that's not 100% definitive proof of interest. There's a happily married girl I know that thinks I'm hilarious and will hang around me for a bit during parties for a laugh. Neither of us are interested in anything beyond cracking jokes and the occasional shot of booze.

About the only universal "you should ask me out" sign I can think of, is when you say something funny, and she laughs and lightly touches you on the arm. That's accurate about 99% of the time.

 

[BolianAuthor]

^

That last bit is interesting... thanks.

 

[Finn]

^no, its not rare

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

if you are attracted to a person, why wouldn't you want to present the best "you" that you could?

There's a difference between simple cleanliness/personal grooming (which I regularly engage in) and completely changing who you are and what you look like.

And there's a difference between looking like you do because it's a choice you have consciously made and don't wish to alter and looking like you do because you just fell into that habit and haven't given it much thought. Many males are in the latter category and don't have their identity wrapped up in what they wear or their hair cuts so tweaking them to present more positively isn't really "changing who you are".

 

[BolianAuthor]

Well, I do have to say that while I am still really reluctant to get rid of my hair, and won't do the buzz cut, I AM glad I decided to get rid of the mustache... I think I actually do look a lot more approachable without it. That, plus that fact that my friends have been telling me I am actually NOT bad-looking, has helped my confidence a bit.

I guess it's just a matter of getting over my fear of the "awkward situation" when going up to a woman and talking to her... or trying to, lol.

I mean, I have been reading how many women (if not all) know within a few seconds if they like you (or will sleep with you), and how some (not all) people "knew" that they liked/loved each other at first sight, which because of the first aspect, I really have a hard time believing in. I mean, speaking again just from my own male perspective, I'm always thinking that the women is automatically measuring any guy against a standard like Fabio or some type of image of what their ideal fantasy man would be like, and that if I don't measure up to that, then how would she feel that way about me, or want to even give me a chance?

I think it was auntiehill that said earlier in the thread that she and her husband are quite different, so I'm just kind of wondering how if the person doesn't immediately fit the woman's image of what "desirable" is, how they manage to have a chance.