TOS Caption Contest #203: Sunday Driver

[Rat Boy]

You tease a kid with god-like powers; what could possibly go wrong? But, we're all safe, so let's get on with the next caption contest and critique...

In a very, very strange episode of Leave It To Beaver...

"Boy oh boy, I think the kooky kid is gonna give him the business."
"I dunno, I think this Kirk fella just might give him a knuckle sandwich and clobber the goof."
"Gee, that'd be swell."

And the win that got everyone up in arms because they didn't think of it first...

Tom: Avatar looks the same to me on standard and 3-D.

Kirk: You do realize you don't have any depth perception right?

A real creepy Photoshop winner, or perhaps from an earlier version of the episode where they were transporting the super-powered Twilight Zone kid played by Ron Howard...

Captain Ramart: "Having Charlie on board was such a joy, we've been unable to wipe these silly smiles from our faces ever since. Well, gotta go now. Buh-bye!"

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Kirk and Spock figure that since they have most of the main characters on the shuttle, they'll do all right and Mr. Kyle takes a spin behind the wheel. What could possibly go wrong? Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

GPS: "At the next globular cluster, turn right."

Kirk: "Hey, I've been to the Rigel colonies plenty of times. I think I know my way there, smartass!"

McCoy: "It's no use, Jim! Kyle's hair style is so ugly, poor Leslie over there is puking his guts out!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

McCoy: "They're his tablets for Extreme Obsessive Compulsion. He lines them up in colour order before taking them".

Kirk: "And Leslie over there?"

McCoy: "His paranoia pills. He watches them very closely before eating them".

 

[Rat Boy]

Meanwhile, after the trip to Taco Bell...

McCoy: "Good god man, roll down the window!"

 

[jep]

McCoy: "I have to admit, Jim, he's got the hands of a surgeon."

Kirk: "Oh dear God..."


.

 

[jep]

"Until next time, thanks for watching the NFL on Fox."

Kirk: "I can't believe you lost a thousand credits on that."

Spock: "Fucking Cowboys..."


.

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Kirk: 'Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet, So Don't You Get Souped Yet
Scheming On A Thing That's A Mirage
I'm Tryin' To Tell You Now It's Sabaoaaataaaagee!!!!

Spock: Captain, may we please turn the radio off?

Kirk: No!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "If that's Meridian IV then I'm a monkey's uncle! These Google Maps are pure crap!"

McCoy: "Yeah, I thought it best to take him off transporter duty for a while. I caught him doing some...odd things to a transporter trace of Helen Noel."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kirk: Bones, shouldn't you be in sickbay?
McCoy: Aw, what's the fun in hangin' around down there?
Kirk: But our sick crewmen --
McCoy: -- are major killjoys, Jimmy baby.
Kirk: You concocted yourself another mint julep, didn't you, doctor?

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: Captain, I know you were concerned about leg room, but we still need control consoles in the shuttles.

Kirk: Mister Cowell-

Kyle: It's Kyle, Sir. Kyle! Just because I'm in gold and working on the bridge doesn't mean I changed my name!

 

[Velocity]

McCoy: I've been timing him and he's phenomenal, Jim!
The best Simon player we've ever had on board. He's sure-fingered and not distracted by anything!
He's destined for greatness!
Kirk: Can he beat Spock?
McCoy: Oh, hell no.

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "That Alexis Carrington. I'm sure I've seen her somewhere before."

Spock: "Fascinating."

McCoy: "Your idea that the crew should switch jobs for a day totally sucks. Don't look now, but Mr. Leslie is so bored back there, he's doing pliés."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Well Jim, it looks like we've found our "Rocky" for the ship's production of "The Rocky Horror Show".

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the selection, RatBoy. I'll see if I can keep the creepy theme going.

Spock: "Give it a little more gas when lifting up on the clutch, Captain. But be advised; if you stall out one more time, I'm afraid I'll have to fail you on your shuttle test."

McCoy: "Jim, you've got to put Kyle back on laundry detail. Look at our shirts--they've shrunk by two sizes. So has Kyle's. He can't stand being a helmsman, anyway."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Captain, you appear stressed... allow me to help you.
*ZIP*
Kirk: What are you do—
slurp...slurp...slurp...

 

[Gary7]

Leslie: (to himself) "Man, I hope the doc and the captain just keep on babbling. There's only one more inning left to the game!"

.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Key in the ignition. Turn the ignition on. And nothing happens. Where's the starter? There's the starter. Yes!
SPOCK: Interesting.
KIRK: (pushing the gear lever and making grinding noises) Oops! Gears.
SPOCK: Yes. Oh. I believe they had a device known as a clutch. Clutch, Captain. Perhaps one of those pedals on the floor.
KIRK: (puts it quietly into gear) I kind of like this. I'm going to get one myself.
(He lets up the clutch, and they go backwards. The car kangaroos elegantly down the street and somehow makes it to JoJo's place.)
SPOCK: Captain, you are an excellent starship commander, but as a taxi driver you leave much to be desired.
KIRK: It was that bad?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: You pilot a shuttle craft as well as you drive a flubber.
McCoy (off-camera): Burn!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kyle: "Holographic helm consoles are a great idea, Captain."
Kirk: "One of my better ones, I must admit."
McCoy: "Let's see what you say when you see Sulu's desktop theme."

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "Jim, you've got to stop promising the crew time on the bridge if they sleep with you. You just missed a very close call with an Andorian garbage scow."