Miscellaneous Street - The Soap Opera

[RJDiogenes]

So, tell me. What are your plans for the bookstore? It's a good thing you had that back up storage locker.

Things will be back to normal soon. I just have to organize everything, and lock up the really dangerous stuff in the basement.

... wait a minute ... "you hope?" You're so sweet. **pats RJ's hand affectionately**

*dials R.J.* "Hey R.J. I need some way to enlarge a steamroller to comically absurd size...."

Yes, but such things are very perilous to attempt.

She gave RJ her forwarding address and a big good-bye hug.

You are always welcome to return if things don't work out on Vulcan.

 

[Flashover]

*dials R.J.* "Hey R.J. I need some way to enlarge a steamroller to comically absurd size...."

Yes, but such things are very perilous to attempt.

Four words my good man... EPIC CHRISTMAS LIGHT DISPLAY. Need I say more? I have cash, I have gold, I have exotic gems, I have Borg bits and pieces and I have nude photos of Whoopie Goldberg... what will you accept in trade?

 

[RJDiogenes]

If you burn the nude pictures of Whoopie Goldberg, we've got a deal.

 

[F. King Daniel]

While Hippy Lady and Posh Lady chat (take away the ultra-false politeness and their conversation goes: "I'm rich, fuck you!", "You're a bitch, fuck you!"), Daniel's eyes are drawn to the window, and that cat that was eating zombie leg earlier. It's starting to act very strangely now, and Daniel's reminded of what happened to those crows that fed off zombie flesh in one of the Resident Evil films...

Suddenly all hell breaks loose, and Daniel is forced to step in and prevent Posh Lady from attacking Hippy Lady with her shoe.

"Calm down!"

 

[Flashover]

If you burn the nude pictures of Whoopie Goldberg, we've got a deal.

I tried. The fire just screams and fizzles out.

 

[Thor Damar]

I'll take the Borg parts please, I have...plans for them.

 

[Flashover]

I'll take the Borg parts please, I have...plans for them.

If you manage to destroy the Unholy Goldberg Porn I'll give you an ENTIRE CUBE I got stashed in a safe place.

 

[Captain Ice]

*Spots RJD walking out the door.*

Good, I thought he'd never leave.

*drops a large parcel on the floor of the bookstore, grabs a box with his name on it, and leaves the money he owed RJ for the box in the till.

The deli owner does have some nice chest and should muscles ....

*notices the coffee shop lady watching him out the window of the deli and realizes she's been watching him a lot over the last day or two.*

She waits to be served, wondering what she can buy to take home for dinner....

I strongly recommend the lasagna and garlic bread. If you don't like that, we have some fried chicken, chicken cacciatore, and a nice tiramisu, made with ladyfingers taken from a real lady.

 

[RJDiogenes]

If you burn the nude pictures of Whoopie Goldberg, we've got a deal.

I tried. The fire just screams and fizzles out.

Oh, no! The cursed nudes of Whoopie Goldberg! I had thought they were merely a legend.

*Spots RJD walking out the door.*

Good, I thought he'd never leave.

*drops a large parcel on the floor of the bookstore, grabs a box with his name on it, and leaves the money he owed RJ for the box in the till.

Hmm. Looks like Ice picked up his stuff.

I wonder what this parcel is doing on the floor?

 

[Jenee]

Thanksgiving Day breakfast special at the coffee shoppe.

If it doesn't taste good, it's Daniel's fault. He was the cook/baker.

 

[F. King Daniel]

Leaving Hippy Lady and Posh Lady alone for a bit (this may be the biggest mistake ever), and circumnavigating the Zombie Kitty, Daniel arrives at the coffee shop. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about Jenee. He needs to know once and for all if the mother of his child (and pending second child) meant it when she said it was "only about sex". What if she just said it in a fit of rage? Or is it just wishful thinking on his part? The spell is broken, but were the feelings real?

"I'll have a cup of tea, please, Jen"

*he glances at her, wondering if she loves him as he loves her still. By a strange coincidence, Madonna's "Beautiful Stranger" comes on the radio, reminding them of when they first made love, at the back of a cinema playing Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.

 

[Jenee]

Jenee looks up to see Daniel standing in front of her. She doesn't know why he's there and she wishes she'd never put that spell on him. She's loved him since the day they met - the day she saw him and instead of running away, she sat on his lap in the back of a cinema. But, he left her then, and every subsequent time since then. He always leaves. She had no right to try to force him to stay.

She knows how he likes his tea, so she fixes it for him and sets it in front of him - very careful not to let him see the her pain.

 

[F. King Daniel]

Daniel finishes his tea, but can't find the words to say what needs to be said.

Suddenly, an idea pops into his head!

"Jenee...thanks for the tea. Don't close early today!" and he scurries off.

 

[Flashover]

I sent the Unholy Goldberg Nudes off to CERN they are going to dump them into a black hole. Lets see them escape THAT.

Anyway. Since I have no family of my own (being a clone of an evil undead utility worker) I am sitting in my factory all alone... when an idea hits me! (OW!)

Using several artifacts, Borg technology and an old IBM computer I create a fully functional wife, two children, dog, cat, bird and mini-van!

...now all I have to do is cook dinner.

 

[kirsten187]

Kirsten goes into the coffee shop and takes a mug out of her bag.

"Can I get a strong, sweet cup of tea please?"

 

[Miss Chicken]

I sent the Unholy Goldberg Nudes off to CERN they are going to dump them into a black hole. Lets see them escape THAT.

Anyway. Since I have no family of my own (being a clone of an evil undead utility worker) I am sitting in my factory all alone... when an idea hits me! (OW!)

Using several artifacts, Borg technology and an old IBM computer I create a fully functional wife, two children, dog, cat, bird and mini-van!

...now all I have to do is cook dinner.

Couldn't the fully functional wife cook the dinner?

 

[Mary Ann]

Posh Lady has left, much to Hippy Lady's relief. Same hypocrisy, same disinterest...hell, same negative-vibe cow she always was. Hippy Lady could be rich, too, if she'd married the fathers of her childen and then divorced them, taking a hefty severage package from them all. Posh Lady had 4 ex-husbands! Little wonder she was well off. Huh, at least Hippy Lady had her kids, all 6 of them (no, 7. Soda was still here, though Daniel had disappeared, the wimp. What's a few flying shoes and uttered curses?).

Hippy Lady picks up the lamp that she'd thrown at Posh Lady earlier (the lamp wasn't broken, luckily, and nor was Posh Lady, unluckily) and put it back in its place. A quick feng shui session would bring harmony back to her house. Ah, that reminded her, she'd promised RJ that she would feng shui the rebuilt bookshop. She gathers her supplies, finds Soda and heads out the door, casting a puzzled glance at one of Crazy Cat Lady's kitties, who was limping oddly and making noises that sounded something like "meowlbrainz!". She crosses the road to avoid the strange kitty and heads to the bookshop.

Hmm, more strangeness...where did those mechanical kids come from? And why did the factory smell like charred bird carcass with cranberry sauce?

 

[Flashover]

Using several artifacts, Borg technology and an old IBM computer I create a fully functional wife, two children, dog, cat, bird and mini-van!

...now all I have to do is cook dinner.

Couldn't the fully functional wife cook the dinner?

--she has a headache from dealing with the the kids all day.

And why did the factory smell like charred bird carcass with cranberry sauce?

I never said I was a good cook did I?

 

[F. King Daniel]

Daniel bursts back into the coffee shop, carrying his weight again in karaoke equipment, which he plugs in and sets up. Bustling bemused patrons out of the way, he moves all the seats to one side of the room and builds an impromptu stage out of crates and boxes of coffee on the other. A single chair is moved to the centre of the floor, facing the stage.

With everyone else sat at the back of the coffee shop, Daniel grabs a perplexed Jenee, brings her to the middle of the room and sits her down. He climbs up onto the stage and activates the karaoke machine. His entire future hinges on the next few minutes.

The music begins to play, and Daniel, looking deeply into Jenee's eyes, begins to sing...
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id6hkzslQww[/yt]

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Seeing as people are neglecting the Zombie Kitty, Deranged Nasat decides to claim it. Since his last zombie friend was destroyed by jittery locals, he's been lonely for company as futid, diseased and unsteady on its feet as he is. The kitten will calm him down when either of his two mad employers do something disturbing.