Kirk: "Commodore! Long time, no see! Spock, the commodore and I were cadets together at the Academy. We used to call him 'Madman Mendez'!"
Mendez: "Yes, Mr. Spock, and we called your captain "Kirk the Jerk.'"
TOS Caption Contest #201: Remasters of the Universe
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
Kirk: "Commodore! Long time, no see! Spock, the commodore and I were cadets together at the Academy. We used to call him 'Madman Mendez'!"
Mendez: "Yes, Mr. Spock, and we called your captain "Kirk the Jerk.'"
Mendez: ...and there's an Al Gorn Combo with your name on it being
delivered any minute.
Kirk: But--
Mendez: 'But we're Starfleet, we don't carry any money'? Jim, remember
who you're talking to. You said you'd buy the pizza this time and that jive
isn't going to get you off the hook.
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Chekov: "That cossack, he just deliberately rammed into us.
Kirk: "This is NACCAR Mister Chekov ... it's called rubbing."
.
Chekov: "But sir, I thought that vas vat ve call dat ting Sulu does in the turbolift!"
Kirk: 'So what's the nature of the crisis, Commander?"
Mendez: "One of my people responded to a 'Bank of Nigeria' e-mail! The Federation is now bankrupt!"
Mendez: I've got good news and bad news Gentlemen.
Kirk: Start with the bad news.
Mendez: You're all under investigation and are not allowed to leave this planet until further notice.
Kirk: What's the good news?
Mendez: I can get you a great deal on this 3 bedroom apartment. Look, it's even got a view!
Spock: This land is owned by my family.
Kirk: No one else would buy it, eh?
Captains Log Stardate 9367.3 We have arrived at a planet with Green Clouds and Brown Land. I have preemptively killed two redshirts so we don't have to beam down.
McCoy: "Really! Say, I own some swamp land in southern Georgia that your family might be interested in."
Spock: This land is owned by my family.
"Magistrate, these specimens appear shockingly primitive."
"Indeed. You will now see the primitive reaction of the specimen designated as 'Kirk' to a perceived competitor.
The specimen is about to boast of his prowess with women, the size of his genitalia, and his awesomeness in general."
.
Kirk: "Faster, Sulu! I won't let that jackass Mason beat us to the all-you-can-eat buffet at the Sizzler!"
Kirk: "So why'd your parents betroth you to T'Pring?"
Spock: "Her great tracts of land, of course."
Kirk: "Johnson beat us again? We've got warp drive, for crying out loud!"
Spock: This land is owned by my family.
MCCOY: When do the roof and walls arrive?
SPOCK: Tuesday.
Elderly female tourist from Earth: "This Vulcan has been a real disappointment. Who calls this a vacation? Too hot, too rural, and plomeek gives me gas. The worst thing is that gambling is illegal here--what am I going to do for two more weeks?"
Elderly female tourist's elderly husband: "I hate to say I told you so, but didn't I keep saying we should stick with the tried and true? We were putty in that travel agent's hands. We would have been much better off going back to Vegas. That town knows how to give people the time of their lives."
Vulcan Wifey: "Oh! I forgot to get the bon-bons! Would you mind running back to town and picking up a box, dear?"
Vulcan Hubby: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
McCoy: "So... this naturally formed outcropping of rock, is connected to two cliffs at right angles... by two naturally formed land bridges... How's that happen then?"
Spock: "Logically, of course."
McCoy: "You pointy-eared phony!"
Spock: "Mos Eisley spaceport: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."
Kirk: "What the..."
Commodore; "You'll get used to the meteors Captain, I wouldn't suggest too many strolls outside though."
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