The New Dax - Cooperative Writing DISCUSSION

[ares93]

^I edited away--?

Oh...sorry about that.

dont worry, it doesn't matter. it actually sounds better now. the grammar i mean, but the meaning got lost. either way, it wasnt an important part. just a hint for future reference. i liked the concept because it would have given Sulira and Valon a sort of "common ground", if you will.

Spoiler: november challenge concept

so the concept is that Valon had a wife before Kelsara. he also had a son. both died in an attack by pirates as they were leaving vulcan during the borg invasion. and so he track down the captain of the pirate ship and kills him. the story is about how he's found out and the aftermath of his actions. this is all during the time he serves under Ezri Dax aboard the aventine. she actually confronts him in the beginning.
i needed someone who was a good man. but deep down driven by revenge. how good men can do things they otherwise couldnt.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Excellent!

Hey--here's a thought: Could it be that that incident was what drove him to become a v'tosh ka'tur? Or do you see him as already having been that way?

 

[ares93]

Excellent!

Hey--here's a thought: Could it be that that incident was what drove him to become a v'tosh ka'tur? Or do you see him as already having been that way?

since this is an alternate story i'm gonna go with my original idea that the invasion and the consequent death of his wife and son made him a v'tosh ka'tur. note that two years has passed since the invasion in this story so he had time to develop his "v'tosh ka'tur-ism" (i know, terrible grammar..)

anyway, i was thinking of implementing a part of this story into valons first conversation with sulira.

Spoiler: coversation concept.

sulira kinda blames her parents for dying. (stupid, i know. but its rather common with orphans.) mostly julian, for what she claims was essentially suicide. the way he destroyed the ship. ala Data in Nemesis. as far as she knows Ezri died in childbirth. either way, i'm thinking a part where valon states that if he had been given the choice, he would have done the same as julian. sacificing himself for his wife and son.

this part should then spark her wish to meet Perjon and know the truth about what happened that day. and with that, lead the story into Rushbo's ep.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Excellent.

It's much better than the idea of "they just happen to meet", I think. Awesome.

 

[ares93]

Excellent.

It's much better than the idea of "they just happen to meet", I think. Awesome.

Great! Thanks!

Tiberius? Your take?

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

I like your conversation idea, it's great. Part of the relationship between Perjon and Sulira should come from her wanting to understand what happened to Ezri and Julian.

But I'm not sure I follow the timeline of Valon's v'tosh'katur transformation...was he a v'tosh'katur when he married Kelsara? I think it would make more sense if he was - he lost his Vulcan wife and child and that changed him a lot and part of the way he coped was by finding someone completely different who understood how to balance emotion with logic. I guess I'm just not sure what 'two years' your talking about since he was on the Aventine far before this story. Or were you talking about your other story? I do like the idea that something changed him into a v'tosh'katur.

 

[ares93]

I like your conversation idea, it's great. Part of the relationship between Perjon and Sulira should come from her wanting to understand what happened to Ezri and Julian.

But I'm not sure I follow the timeline of Valon's v'tosh'katur transformation...was he a v'tosh'katur when he married Kelsara? I think it would make more sense if he was - he lost his Vulcan wife and child and that changed him a lot and part of the way he coped was by finding someone completely different who understood how to balance emotion with logic. I guess I'm just not sure what 'two years' your talking about since he was on the Aventine far before this story. Or were you talking about your other story? I do like the idea that something changed him into a v'tosh'katur.

thats exactly what i had in mind. thats why he married Kelsara.
aight the timeline itself is fairly simple. although by discussing two stories simultaneously i can understand why it got confusing.

Spoiler: My proposed timeline

Early 2381: Valon transfers aboard the Aventine.

Late 2381: Following the mass evecuation and relocation, Valon's wife and son dies at the hands of a pirate along with dosens of others when their ship is destroyed.

2383 (my november challange story): He kills the pirate captain resposible for the death of his wife and child but spares his second in command. Since he merely followed orders.

2385: Valon becomes XO of USS Hood.

2390: Valon assumes command of previous ship.

2397: Valon marries Kelsara Raitar.

2400: Valon's previous ship decomissioned, he is assigned as CO to the Sovereign class USS Trafalgar. Raitar assigned as Chief Engineer.

however this is based off my own story (Nov. Challenge), and its merely a proposed edit. Valon from The New Dax is still based off your idea Tiberus. but since we havent gotten very deep in Valons backstory i wanted to propose an alternate version. one that would make the ending of my ep a hell of a lot more emotional and dramatic.

Alright, if you insist...here's my thoughts.

Spoiler: Valon ideas

At one time, Valon was as repressed and logical as any Vulcan. He re-examined his philosophy when an insane Vulcan murdered seven people including Valon’s mother and later used ‘logic’ to explain his heinous crime. Valon could not understand why logic was the best choice for a Vulcan if it could be used in such a way. Adding to his misgivings was the fact that his father denied feeling any emotion over his loss though he and Valon both knew that was not true. Valon began to view ‘logic’ as a way to excuse one’s faults and actions and rejected ‘ordinary’ Vulcan values, seeing them as hypocritical. He now attempts to balance logic and emotion but feels emotion is the true gauge of one’s goodness.
Valon’s command style is not rigid and rather lax at times when it comes to protocol but is still very structured and orderly. He is a thinker and a diplomat but still not one to be crossed. His keen Vulcan intellect means he has no problem dealing with the politics involved with a command position or with the upper echelons of Starfleet. He’s a chessmaster.
Valon is married to Lt. Kelshayar Ratagar, a Boslic engineer serving on his ship. She’s someone he can turn to at all times and rely on for advice when even his towering intellect doesn’t know what to do.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Alright, I gotcha. Sounds great, I think your backstory works just as well if not better than mine. We can go with either one.

 

[ares93]

Alright, I gotcha. Sounds great, I think your backstory works just as well if not better than mine. We can go with either one.

all right. in that case i'm going for it. i'll post a rough sketch tomorrow.

 

[Rush Limborg]

^You know...we could fit the two theories together.

Perhaps the Vulcan psycopath had taken part in the killing of his Vulcan wife, etc....

 

[ares93]

^You know...we could fit the two theories together.

Perhaps the Vulcan psycopath had taken part in the killing of his Vulcan wife, etc....

yeah, that could work. thing is, the reason i was so fond of this idea is because it shows what would have happened if Julian hadnt sacrificed himself. since the refugee ship was under attack just like the aventine. dunno if a crazy vulcan with a phaser gives the same punch. i meant it as a kind of pointer to sulira. on the other hand, two almost identical situations with such a small group of people is almost astronomical.
anyway, i'll write up a few concepts and we'll go from there.

 

[Rush Limborg]

^Well...perhaps the Vulcan is the captain, or at least one of the heads behind the attack?

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Good idea, Rushbo! It could be both, and part of the reason it affected Valon so much is the pirate captain said it was only logical that he kill those people.

 

[ares93]

^Well...perhaps the Vulcan is the captain, or at least one of the heads behind the attack?

Good idea, Rushbo! It could be both, and part of the reason it affected Valon so much is the pirate captain said it was only logical that he kill those people.

yeah, we could definitely go for that. great idea!

EDIT: Should Kelsara know about his past? I know she's his wife, but this like seems something he'd keep to himself. A major life turning event such as this. Just a though i had while writing.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

^Well...perhaps the Vulcan is the captain, or at least one of the heads behind the attack?

Good idea, Rushbo! It could be both, and part of the reason it affected Valon so much is the pirate captain said it was only logical that he kill those people.

yeah, we could definitely go for that. great idea!

EDIT: Should Kelsara know about his past? I know she's his wife, but this like seems something he'd keep to himself. A major life turning event such as this. Just a though i had while writing.

I think she'd know about it, maybe not all the details but if they have a typical telepathic Vulcan bond she'd know mostly everything about him.

 

[ares93]

isnt that just between vulcans?

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Not according to the Enterprise episode "Bound." In all the Vulcan-with-other-species couples I've ever written the telepathic bond is still active, though the intensity varies with the telepathic abilities of the other species.

 

[ares93]

Not according to the Enterprise episode "Bound." In all the Vulcan-with-other-species couples I've ever written the telepathic bond is still active, though the intensity varies with the telepathic abilities of the other species.

in that case. she must know.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

I think so.

 

[ares93]

guys, i you have an idea how you'd like to finish this ep. please share. i'm busy with two other stories, one being for my CAE course, the other for a scifi edition of my schools newspaper. so if you guys wanna give a shot at it like in the beginning, please do.