TNG Caption This #185: The Haunting in Engineering

[LeadHead]

Hello all, sorry again for the lame slowness at posting a new contest, my wireless router is to blame and we will all gather together to say mean things about it behind its back.

But now, lets say hello to some winners!

First for getting to the bottom of what was really in that bottle, our winner is:

Picard: "I have no clue what this substance is. We'd better run a full analysis."

Riker: "Sir, I realize it's been a few years, but I wouldn't have expected a bottle of shampoo to throw you for such a loop."

Next, this caption makes us really hope that we don't need a life saving operation while visiting the Enterprise, our winner is:

Picard: Oh Beverly, Beverly, Beverly. This drinking before noon has got to stop!

Next, for making Deanna Troi the Meg Griffin of Star Trek, our winner is:

GEORDI: What? I just said I was a better pilot and I'm blind.

TROI: I hate all of you!

Next, for laying the groundwork for Picards eventual rise to untouchable status in the TNG films, our winner is:

Picard: "Lieutenant, haven't you learned? You can't throw anything at me--my personal forcefield instantly deflects them back to the offender."

Next, for making me laugh and giving me a headache simultaneously, our winner is:

Picard: What the hell am I looking at?! When does this happen in the episode?!

Riker: "Now". You're looking at "now", sir. Everything that happens now [indicates himself and Picard] is happening "now". [Indicates the screen]

Picard: What happened to "then"?

Riker: We passed "then".

Picard: When!?

Riker: Just now. Were at "now," now.

Picard: Go back to "then"!

Riker: When?

Picard: Now!

Riker: "Now?"

Picard: Now!

Riker: I can't.

Picard: Why!?

Riker: We missed it.

Picard: When!?

Riker: Just now.

Picard: ... When will "then" be "now"?

Riker: Soon.

And, a Photoshop winner! Yay! I'd like to crown these more often if you've got the skills! Our winner is:

Picard: This is what we're supposed to lead in?

And now, in honor of the brave tradition of showing Halloween themed episodes after Halloween, we now have our spookier contest!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker did not take kindly to those who critiqued his theatrical performances.

La Forge: What is it?

Worf: A Photon Torpedo, but that's not important right now.

Data: Great, and my warranty just expired.

Picard: Great, now what am I gonna look at when I'm waiting for people to come see me?

Worf: Klingons do NOT have morning breath!

Wheaton: Man, Wesley's love life is really terrible, at least he's a fan favorite.

 

[Gary7]

^ Thanks for the pick, LeadHead.

Riker: "You incompetent barista! You've been putting triple espresso shots in my morning coffee--no wonder why I can never get enough sleep!"

Laforge: "Oh no... NO!"
Worf: "What is it, Geordi?"
Laforge: "That infernal ball return machine just mangled my bowling ball. And I was on a winning streak, too! *sigh*"

Old Timer: "Ah warned ya, Mr. Data. Dohn evar wake me up befarr 8am, or ah'll pull yer arm outta yer socket."

Picard: "Oh damned, it's the attack of the evil phone console dream again. I've got to stop drinking so much tea before bed."

Worf: "Open wide? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--"
Beverly: "Worf!! My God, don't you ever brush your teeth? Your breath stinks to high heaven!"

Wesley: "What the--ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh? I don't believe it; I've been penetrated!"

 

[T'Girl]

Bev: "Worf, what are you thinking?"

Worf: "You said not in your mouth."

Bev: "Yeah, but that doesn't mean a facial."

.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Riker: I'M CAPTAIN KIIIIIIIRRRRK!
Picard: That was several seasons ago, Will!

Worf: Commander? *taps combadge* Request emergency transportation to Sickbay!
LaForge: Easy, Worf, it's just a little gas.

Data: I was not aware your offered price of 'an arm and a leg' was to be taken literally. (topples over)
Data, from the floor: I believe Commander LaForge would consider this situation ironic.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

THANKS FOR THE WIN LEADHEAD!!!!!! w00t!!

Riker: I SAID NO STARCH!!!!!!!!

Picard: THERE IS......ONE.....LIGHT!!!!!!

 

[bullethead]

Soylent green is people!

It's always surprising to find your torpedo stuffed with porn.

Data: Shit, my warranty just expired.

Awkward moments in the Enterprise corridors.

Picard: I'm sorry you had to be in These are the Voyages, Number One, but throwing my laptop is a bit much, don't you think?

Crusher: Why did I get the idiot ball this episode?

In his last moments, Wesley realized how much the crew hated him.

For his fifteenth birthday, Riker gave Wesley a pirated copy of the Sucker Punch holonovel with no working safeties.

 

[Boxyno1]

Riker shows off his best Jack Black impression

 

[T'Girl]

Picard always dreads when it's his turn to watch Spot.

 

[Captain Crow]

Riker: I swear if you pull that "There are four lights" shit on me I'll kick you in the nuts!

Frakes: What the hell do you mean Nemesis is going to be our last Star Trek movie!?!

Riker, bad James Cagney impression: You dirty rat!

It was at that very moment Picard realized it wasn't such a good idea to tell Troi her uniform made her ass look big.

Data: No! Not my masturbating arm!

 

[Subcommander R.]

Picard: "Yes, number one, this is all quite interesting. But in this universe the Federation is still here and the Borg arenot everywhere."

Geordi: God Worf, this Klingon pizza is giving me heartburn.
Worf: You must tame the inner fire to be a warrior.

Data: Why am I experiencing pain?
Geppetto You're a real boy!

Picard: Damn! Now how will I watch episodes of Magnum PI online?

Dr. Crusher seriously started to consider ending her Dental Practice.

Wesley came to the realization that not only had he been cockblocked, but he was also in danger of losing certain parts.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tazers on the crotch in the 24th century: Yup, still painful.

Deleted comedy scene from "Generations"

Data: "Look ma -- no hands!"

When Beverly suggested a spern count from Mr. Worf, following inception problems between himself and Troi, she was unprepared for what was about to take place.

Shocking moment when Wesley's universal translator stumbles, and then gives a rough translation: "Shut up, Wesley!"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

^ MAJOR WIN!!!!!!! (the wesley one)

Geordi: I pledge allegiance.....

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Madam (OS): "Yes, of course I have human girls, too! But you only wanted to spend twelve credits, remember?"

 

[Gary7]

LaForge: "A mouse--a mouse!!" *gasp*
Worf: "Geordi, what are you going to do next, scurry away like a frightened girl?"

 

[Gary7]

Wesley: "I... I can't--can't move!"
Data (OS): "Wes, it appears that the creature has enacted some kind of telepathic paralysis. We cannot enter the room, as it has been quarantined. And I am afraid that... well, the creature appears to be assuming a kind of mating position."

 

[Gary7]

Frakes: "You're replacing me as Number One? I can't believe it!"
Stewart: "I didn't want to be the one to tell you this, Jonathan... but they're forcing you to take command of your own ship. Finally." (wink)

 

[Finn]

"Damn it! Trip is really dead! I saw him. Deanna! You saw him, didn't you?"

Geordi: Oh my god! What have you done, Data?
Tasha: Worf, help me get up

Nobody has been this rough with me since Tasha

The crew got worried when they started hearing noises the Captain talking about the lights coming from his ready room.

One day, some fans broke into the soundstage and locked him in the quarters set.

 

[Captain Crow]

Scared Straight! The Next Generation

Alien Lifer: Fucker do you know what the fuck we do to pretty bitches like you in the brig?!

 

[Bob Karo]

Scared Straight! The Next Generation

Alien Lifer: Fucker do you know what the fuck we do to pretty bitches like you in the brig?!

The Monarch (os): See!?! I just traded you for a cigarette! ... HOLY $H1T! You're WESLEY F&CKING CRUSHER!