I have two modes. Sometimes, I'll be in "passive" mode and mostly remain quiet while listening to everyone around me. At other times I'll go "active" and actually participate in or even lead the conversation. A lot depends on who I'm with and how interested I am in what's being discussed.
Lets talk about .. overcoming social phobia
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I'm much the same. When I'm comfortable with people you can't shut me up, and can actually be overpowering. In other situations I don't say much, if anything. I used to be somewhat shy but have overcome that over the years. In fact part of my job is engaging the centre clients in conversation, and this can be a delicate process with those who are shy. Having been shy myself helps as I know how these people feel.
No, people suck. They are weak, cowardly, illogical, organic, bleeding-hearts. That's why they'll either fall to the Romulan Empire, the Klingon Empire, the Vulcans, the Borg, or the Ferengi, all of which are vastly superior to humans.
You can take your "humans are awesome" attitude and shove it out of a torpedo tube.
Sure! I know just where to aim that torpedo.
I'm shy enough that I have a problem meeting people, and it's been a roadblock of mine since high school. All the bullying I endured there have made me look inwards, and most of the time I don't let people in because of it, and so because of that, I've never had a partner, which really makes me feel lonely at times.
I was kinda quiet-ish and didn't really say that much when I was in high school, but mostly just outgrew it and generally more talkative now. It did have some advantages, since I rarely ever got asked to read in English classes etc
I do that too. Fake it til you make it. I'm not fully shy, but if I dont have anything in common or nothing to say, I wont. I think I get more nervous then that ends up making me seem alittle shy. But, I'm improving. =]
During grade school I was extremely shy and quiet and never talked to anyone mainly due to bullying. Things got somewhat better in high school as I made a few close friends and got involved in school activities with them but there was still bullying and I pretty much shut down senior year. College was really the thing that let me start getting past it because I had to interact with so many people and I made alot of good friends and we always did things together. I'm still shy but I can interact with people alot better than earlier in my life. I'm really quiet still as I don't offer an opinion unless it is relevant or I have a question. That's still my problem I can do "business/professional" talk just fine but when it comes to "small talk" or "passing the time" I'm pretty useless. Working at it, though.
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Amaris
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One thing that still sits with me is that I don't talk unless I want to talk. That might sound like common sense, but let me give an example. When my nephew was born the other day, I got to hold him (everyone in the room did). Everyone else cooed and talked to the baby, but when it was my turn, I just gently rocked him in my arms and looked at him with a smile on my face. After a few seconds, I get comments from everyone along the lines of "Talk to him! Say something!" etc., which just irks me, because I only talk when I want to talk. I had nothing to say to the little baby, he wouldn't have understood me, and I felt better just making eye contact with him than actually saying anything.
I don't like being goaded into talking when I don't wish to say anything.
The only reason I didn't get bullied in high school was because I had some very good, and VERY large friends who were rather protective of me.
I don't like being goaded into talking when I don't wish to say anything.
The only reason I didn't get bullied in high school was because I had some very good, and VERY large friends who were rather protective of me.
Do you think activities like public speaking groups or team sports would help build up confidence and beat shyness?
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Amaris
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Yes, absolutely.
This is one of the reasons why I hate going to the hairdresser, I don't mean to be rude its because I don't go out anywhere I don't have anything interesting to say.
nonsense. I never go anywhere either and i have tons of things to say
but some people don't want to talk at the hairdressor. Nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you need to find a hairdresser who is a trekkie?
Not always. I've had a fear of speaking forever (to the point where I get physically ill) and my parents made me do debate in high school to get over it. I eventually made captain, and I hated every stupid second of it. I was no more confident, and I went through a lot of agony.
Nowadays I just volunteer to go first for presentations or anything that requires people to place attention on me. I figure it gives me less time to get worked up about it. Still doesn't make it easy.
My problem is that for the most part I prefer to be alone. The thing is that its practically impossible to make a
living if you are alone all the time. One needs a job at least to support themselves & unless you are lucky to find a job you can do from your home, you will have to work someplace where you will have to interact with others, for a good part of your day. So I try to handle socializing on a surface level, the best I can(even though i hate it) but there comes a point when your office coworker starts to get more friendly & becomes more curious about you. And that's the point I start to get more uncomfortable & self conscious, in my case it would mean having to reveal that Im a complete anti-social weirdo, & that i dont do a lot of things that other females my age do or have done.
Im the exact same way.
living if you are alone all the time. One needs a job at least to support themselves & unless you are lucky to find a job you can do from your home, you will have to work someplace where you will have to interact with others, for a good part of your day. So I try to handle socializing on a surface level, the best I can(even though i hate it) but there comes a point when your office coworker starts to get more friendly & becomes more curious about you. And that's the point I start to get more uncomfortable & self conscious, in my case it would mean having to reveal that Im a complete anti-social weirdo, & that i dont do a lot of things that other females my age do or have done.
Yeah alot of my social anxiety stems from a lot of the crap I had to endure in elementary/high school too.
Im the exact same way.
What a horrible thing when people try to be friends with you. Maybe if you let it happen with everyone, you wouldn't actually be the anti-social weirdo anymore. Ever thought about that?
^ I know, it sounds retarded. But I have a weird combination of Asperger's Syndrome and social anxiety, so while I like being alone, I worry about how my anti-socialness comes off to others.
And also for alot of people the "quiet loner" is the one person everyone else can gang up on when there needs to be a scapegoat, or the easy target to pick on when everyone else needs to feel better about themselves. So I worry about that and I dont think its fair that it should be that way.
And also for alot of people the "quiet loner" is the one person everyone else can gang up on when there needs to be a scapegoat, or the easy target to pick on when everyone else needs to feel better about themselves. So I worry about that and I dont think its fair that it should be that way.
Dude, she prefers to be alone. She's not saying she's rude to people, she just prefers not to have intimate relationships with people. It's a valid choice.
Depends on what type of quiet loner you are, this or this.
Since I have no clue about Asperger's, I won't say anything.
But it did sound like you're also in a vicious cycle of "being alone because you don't like other people to see that you're alone". Gotta break out of that, if that's possible.
When you say you get uncomfortable and self-conscious and are afraid of revealing that you're an anti-social weirdo... "just" try to ignore that. You are who you are. And stand by it. You will see that there are many, many people who accept that.
To my defense, I didn't interpret it as intimate relationships, but as normal, platonic relationships with coworkers.
What Jarod said. Stop the self hate, it's destructive. You have Asperger's, that kicks ass. I wish I did. I could be a total dick to people and they could say nothing because 'I have Aspergers mate, I don't know any better'. If someone had a go at you for being a dick to them, it would mean that they hate disabled people. Very few people will admit to hating disabled people because it's not on to have a go at someone who was born with a disability they can't do anything about. Funny how that never seems to worry racists though. You could have a man who hates Asians but doesn't hate disabled people, even though both traits are something that people are born with and can't change. Weird. Hypocricy is the cornerstone of the human condition. Look at me, I say that I am accepting of everybody, but I will not work for an Indian boss because they are too stingy. I've worked for a Jew too, that wasn't so bad. He was a very wealthy man and he ran a tight ship but I was able to get away with murder because I blamed my bad attitude on my imaginary Aspergers.
Do you really want to talk more to people? It means having to put up with nonsense more asinine than that, you know. Play to your strengths.
Do you really want to talk more to people? It means having to put up with nonsense more asinine than that, you know. Play to your strengths.
yeah my problem is that I worry too much about what other people think of me. I want people to like me(though not love me, i dont like being the center of attention) while at the same time respect that I prefer my privacy to their company. But some people take that need to not partake with them or the group as snobbishness or something suspiscious & I dont want to come off that way b/c that could lead to problems.
yes, I wish I could be like other people who have Aspergers who are sometimes rude or socially awkward but they arent even aware of it, or they just dont care.
yes, I wish I could be like other people who have Aspergers who are sometimes rude or socially awkward but they arent even aware of it, or they just dont care.
I tend to hang back in a conversation with a large group for some reason i just feel uncomfortable with a large grump, though if the groups pretty small I just wade in and feel pretty comfortable with it.
I used to worry about how people see me up to a few years ago when I met my current partner she practically hit round the back of the head until i stopped and told myself
'sod em it's my life my choices they don't like it then sod em'
mind you it's weird cause i can get on with women better then men.
I used to worry about how people see me up to a few years ago when I met my current partner she practically hit round the back of the head until i stopped and told myself
'sod em it's my life my choices they don't like it then sod em'
mind you it's weird cause i can get on with women better then men.
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