I have no friends :(

[K'Ehleyr]

So it's my neighbour's birthday tomorrow, as we are 'newly be-friended' and have spent a few Friday nights together recently, I invited her for birthday eve drinks at mine, along with an old friend that I've recently made contact with.

So I hung up the Happy Birthday banner, wrapped the pressies and signed the card. Got the cheese out of the fridge, checked the crackers and put the grapes in a bowl.

Felt a little excited about good girly chat and laughs.

Got a text from neighbour saying she had a cold and wouldn't be coming and old friend is an hour late and obviously not turning up ~ a phone call would have been appreciated!

Hurrump! I even put make up on and washed my feet

At least I can watch my soaps and there's more wine for me

When's the last time you've been let down by friends or an evening has gone wrong?

 

[Kestra]

I hate when that happens. I always feel kind of foolish and sad. Most of my friends right now are not the most reliable type ... they'll come through in an emergency but regular things are very hit-or-miss. So I've come to just expect them to be unreliable, and quite honestly, I don't know what friendship really means or if I have any friends.

 

[captcalhoun]

friends are over-rated.

 

[T'Baio]

Washed your feet? This is something people do, like, separately from a regular shower?

 

[Saga]

friends is kind of a relative term. i think its overused. me, i have a few close friends. i know lots of people and i'm friendly, but i wouldn't call them friends. if one of them bails out on me, which rarely happens, i'm bummed but its water under the bridge.

 

[JarodRussell]

Thread titles are getting so stereotypical lately...

 

[K'Ehleyr]

I hate when that happens. I always feel kind of foolish and sad. Most of my friends right now are not the most reliable type ... they'll come through in an emergency but regular things are very hit-or-miss. So I've come to just expect them to be unreliable, and quite honestly, I don't know what friendship really means or if I have any friends.

I definately felt foolish when taking the 'happy birthday' banner down .
I was just excited because Man and Son are out on a Friday night and I thought I'd have company. And I'd made an effort with pressies etc.
I had one friend who was dreadful with letting people down and after a 'face down' about that we no longer speak. It's quite a relief. She would book 'dates with 3 or 4 people at the same time and if you were 'the choosen one' you'd have to help her make up excuses to the others.
Now Son has lots of friends that sometimes show the same tendancies I say "Careful he/she is an **** ~ do not trust".
If for some reason I cannot make a date I will phone as soon as possible ~ I would hate to think of someone waiting for me. It's just bad manners!!!
Sorry ~ grumpy! ~ more wine... (and the cranberry cheese is fab!)

friends are over-rated.

Some are ~ some are valueable.
Unfortunately there seem to be more of the over-rated than the true

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Washed your feet? This is something people do, like, separately from a regular shower?

LOL (wondered if anyone would have picked up on that) ~ it's an ancient Sussex tradition when receiving guests. Ok actually I didn't want to get 'wet all over'. Don't have a shower so it would have been an hour bath. In hindsight ~ it would have been preferable!

Thread titles are getting so stereotypical lately...

OK, I'll change it to "pissed off because my neighbour and old friend bailed on me tonight and left me with too much cheese to eat on my own, I'm OK with the wine thou" ~ better?

(sorry to DP)

 

[FPAlpha]

Several months ago i cleared up my cellar room and needed some help to carry it up and out on the street.. with a few friends it would be the work of an hour or so tops.

I asked 5-6 friends and each one turned me down.. one had a new girlfriend and rather spent time with her, the other one had a course in martial arts and one had to help his grandmother in the afternoon (never mind that i wanted to do this before lunch ), the others didn't even reply to my mail.

And all this after i have busted my ass for them helping them move (once we even cleared out an entire house in a day after a divorce) or almost completely rebuilt a house over several weeks and months.

I was really mad at them for quite some time.

Lesson learned: Not everyone defines friendship the way you do.

 

[RoJoHen]

Friends always show up and hang out when there are plans in place. What gets me, though, is when all my friends are out and about doing things with other people. I have a very solid group of friends, but I really only have that one group. My friends, however, seem to have several different groups of friends that they can hang out with at any given time. So if all my friends are off doing things, I really don't have any other option besides sitting at home alone.

 

[AMQ]

It is unfortunate what happened, but your new friend apologized, she has cold, it's not like she didn't want to come. Old friend is really rude, I wouldn't call her back ever, if she doesn't apologize and give a good reason.

Something similar happened to me with one of my "friends". She would agree to meet for a coffee or something, and then 5 minutes before our meeting, I am almost there, she texts she can't come, no reason or explanation. That happened two times, before I realized that I don't want to have anything to do with such a person. Your friend has to respect you and your time.

I think that there are lots of people that feel that they don't have a friend, myself included, if you consider having a friend as some idealized relationship.
You don't have to spent half of your day with your friend, you don't have to talk every day, or share every thought, or agree on everything.
But you have to be able to relay on that person, to belive he/she can keep a secret, to know that he/she would come if you are in need, it has to be someone you can confide. But you also have to be that person to your friend.

I personally have hard time opening completely to other people so I rarely make new friends. Couple of years ago I had two best friends, girls I knew for years. We had classes together, and were really close, they helped me in some hard times, I was there for them. After our graduation, we went separate ways, but we could still hang out as we live in the same town. I tried to keep our friendship, but it just didn't work and I still regret it.

 

[Goliath]

I asked 5-6 friends and each one turned me down.. one had a new girlfriend and rather spent time with her, the other one had a course in martial arts and one had to help his grandmother in the afternoon (never mind that i wanted to do this before lunch ), the others didn't even reply to my mail.

Which just goes to prove an old Canadian saying:

You find out who your real friends are when you have to move.

I have a friend who not only helped me move--he helped me move from Edmonton to Regina--a distance of over 700 kilometres.

Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like that.

 

[AMQ]

Friends always show up and hang out when there are plans in place. What gets me, though, is when all my friends are out and about doing things with other people. I have a very solid group of friends, but I really only have that one group. My friends, however, seem to have several different groups of friends that they can hang out with at any given time. So if all my friends are off doing things, I really don't have any other option besides sitting at home alone.

Same here I always feel like I am missing out. It should be logical to try to become part of more groups through your friends but I am just not a person that would do something like that, I am too shy and don't want to impose. I know I should change, just lack of courage.

 

[Jetfire]

I don't have any friends...they all abandoned me when times got tough for me...I am better off for it though.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Several months ago i cleared up my cellar room and needed some help to carry it up and out on the street.. with a few friends it would be the work of an hour or so tops.

I asked 5-6 friends and each one turned me down.. one had a new girlfriend and rather spent time with her, the other one had a course in martial arts and one had to help his grandmother in the afternoon (never mind that i wanted to do this before lunch ), the others didn't even reply to my mail.

And all this after i have busted my ass for them helping them move (once we even cleared out an entire house in a day after a divorce) or almost completely rebuilt a house over several weeks and months.

I was really mad at them for quite some time.

Lesson learned: Not everyone defines friendship the way you do.

FPA ~ sotrue!
Another 'Ex-friend' of mine sent a plea to help re-organise her bedrooms for an incoming lodger. I duely replied, showed up, spent a few hours carrying stuff up and down ~ And now zilch! When we unexpectantly met at a party recently I wanted to ask why? But thought 'what's the point?'

Friends always show up and hang out when there are plans in place. What gets me, though, is when all my friends are out and about doing things with other people. I have a very solid group of friends, but I really only have that one group. My friends, however, seem to have several different groups of friends that they can hang out with at any given time. So if all my friends are off doing things, I really don't have any other option besides sitting at home alone.

I was going to say the obvious ~ get another group of friends, but I know how hard that is.
All my old friends (bare in mind we're talking in our 40's now)are married with kids and barely have the time for their husbands (sex? You have to be joking), children (football, ballet, cricket, parties), volunteering at kids groups (?!), caring for parents ~ let alone old friends. Thank goodness for facebook or I'd think them all dead!

It is unfortunate what happened, but your new friend apologized, she has cold, it's not like she didn't want to come. Old friend is really rude, I wouldn't call her back ever, if she doesn't apologize and give a good reason.

Something similar happened to me with one of my "friends". She would agree to meet for a coffee or something, and then 5 minutes before our meeting, I am almost there, she texts she can't come, no reason or explanation. That happened two times, before I realized that I don't want to have anything to do with such a person. Your friend has to respect you and your time.

I think that there are lots of people that feel that they don't have a friend, myself included, if you consider having a friend as some idealized relationship.
You don't have to spent half of your day with your friend, you don't have to talk every day, or share every thought, or agree on everything.
But you have to be able to relay on that person, to belive he/she can keep a secret, to know that he/she would come if you are in need, it has to be someone you can confide. But you also have to be that person to your friend.

I personally have hard time opening completely to other people so I rarely make new friends. Couple of years ago I had two best friends, girls I knew for years. We had classes together, and were really close, they helped me in some hard times, I was there for them. After our graduation, we went separate ways, but we could still hang out as we live in the same town. I tried to keep our friendship, but it just didn't work and I still regret it.

Friendship is hard to define.
I think I explained it one night as being able to turn up at a 'friends' house at 3 in the morning, asking for money to pay the taxi and crash on their sofa, with no questions asked ~ unless you wanted a rant and they would listen and provide wine.
A most excellent friend would be the one that made you breakfast in the morning and lent you £50.
That is a true friend

I asked 5-6 friends and each one turned me down.. one had a new girlfriend and rather spent time with her, the other one had a course in martial arts and one had to help his grandmother in the afternoon (never mind that i wanted to do this before lunch ), the others didn't even reply to my mail.

Which just goes to prove an old Canadian saying:

You find out who your real friends are when you have to move.

I have a friend who not only helped me move--he helped me move from Edmonton to Regina--a distance of over 700 kilometres.

Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like that.

I hope you've kept in touch, you never know when you'll move again


Thanks guys and goodnight,
K'Eh x

 

[RoJoHen]

Friends always show up and hang out when there are plans in place. What gets me, though, is when all my friends are out and about doing things with other people. I have a very solid group of friends, but I really only have that one group. My friends, however, seem to have several different groups of friends that they can hang out with at any given time. So if all my friends are off doing things, I really don't have any other option besides sitting at home alone.

I was going to say the obvious ~ get another group of friends, but I know how hard that is.
All my old friends (bare in mind we're talking in our 40's now)are married with kids and barely have the time for their husbands (sex? You have to be joking), children (football, ballet, cricket, parties), volunteering at kids groups (?!), caring for parents ~ let alone old friends. Thank goodness for facebook or I'd think them all dead!

See, I used to have other groups of friends that I could fall back on when my primary group of friends was occupied, but they've all gotten married or moved away or have kids, so I just don't see them.

I hang out with my friends often enough. Hell, my best friend is my roommate, so it's not like I'm super lonely all the time. I just wish I had a few more options.

 

[Mary Ann]

All my old friends (bare in mind we're talking in our 40's now)are married with kids and barely have the time for their husbands (sex? You have to be joking), children (football, ballet, cricket, parties), volunteering at kids groups (?!), caring for parents ~ let alone old friends. Thank goodness for facebook or I'd think them all dead!

Heh, this pretty much describes me (including the 40s bit!). Most people I consider true friends don't live nearby, so Facebook is the easiest way for us to keep in touch.

At work (a children's centre) we've observed how quickly young children form friendships and we've discussed among ourselves how much harder it is for adults to find friends. What with children, jobs, and other responsibilities, when do we really have the time? I moved to where I am now 4 years ago and it's fair to say that I have no truly close friends here. I've socialised with a few colleagues but I doubt any of them would help me to move! I'm a bit of an introvert and a homebody, so this doesn't really bother me. I'm happy to spend most of my evenings with my kids and the internet, and my workplace is a lively, social place.

 

[propita]

I find it strange (but comforting, if you know what I mean) that so many people here seem to have the same problems with friends as Hubby and I. We consider friends to be those we'd go(and have gone) out of our way for, at a moment's notice, if need be. And it reads like many here define "friend" similarly.

Too bad we don't all live near each other.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Sorry to hear that, K'Ehleyr. If you had invited us instead, we would've shown up. Anyway, I hope they make it next time.

 

[Daneel]

When's the last time you've been let down by friends or an evening has gone wrong?

Oh, this happens all the time. For example, one of my pastimes is performing in stage plays, and naturally, I invite people to come see them. Not one of my so-called friends showed up for my last few shows.

I don't often plan events, but on the rare occasions I do, they almost always end with no-shows, cancellations, or people just flat-out telling me they're not coming. I've pretty much given up trying to organize social gatherings altogether.

I can't even remember the last time I had a night out with a friend/friends. Seriously, I can't. And don't even ask how long it's been since I've had a date.

Which just goes to prove an old Canadian saying:

You find out who your real friends are when you have to move.

Indeed... I moved recently, and no one outside of some family members offered to help me.

It's slowly starting to dawn on me: I really don't have any friends. Not in the true sense of the word, anyway.

I guess I'm just gonna have to live with it. Or make some drastic life changes, but honestly, that probably isn't too likely to happen.